Wild Fire
by Lettheblacknessrollon
Summary: Another Liz and Seth story, picking up years after I left the last.
1. Jezebel

1\. Jezebel

"LIZ COLLINS"

The headline glared at me in bold. "America's newest bad girl pops on the scene in Manhattan. Has she finally gone too far?"

"Oh, that's one for the scrapbook," John said as he read over my shoulder. He took the rag mag from my hands and walked to the 7/11 clerk.

I followed behind him after a moment, my boots making a terrible sound on the laminate tile. "We're late," I informed him.

He checked his phone. "Fifteen 'til check. I think we can make it."

We met Joe and Bradley outside and took off. I sat in the farthest corner in the back of our van and tucked my knees up to my chest. I pulled my head tight around my face and stared at the only view of Brooklyn I would actually get to enjoy.

"What's wrong?" Bradley asked, craning his head around. He lit a joint and held it out to me.

I shrugged as I took it. "It's cold."

"Did you guys see Liz's new magazine cover?" John asked loudly before holding it up. "I personally preferred the cover of Rolling Stone, but eh. Whatever."

Bradley examined the cover and then snatched it away to read the story inside. "Liz Collins, the lead singer of Desperate Attempt and prominent scene girl, is no stranger to controversy. From ripping apart hotel rooms in L.A. to getting arrested for possession in New York - "

"Scene girl?" I interrupted. "Of all the shit things these guys say about me, _that_ one is the worst."

Bradley was laughing. "Look at some of the shit they dig up about you. 'Liz attended Stratton Middle School, where some former classmates described her as dark and antisocial'."

I laughed out my weed hit and yawned. "That's big news, dude. Obviously."

"I mean, it really speaks to the way that people think in this country. You're in a metal band - the press shouldn't even be interested in you. But they are. Why?"

"Why, indeed," I replied.

He held a finger in the air. "It's because you're hot."

I snorted. "And here I thought it was because I was the epitome of an old school shock rocker."

"We're here," Joe announced as he parked the van. We all climbed out and he slung his arm across my shoulders. "At least you get people talking about our band," he said to me.

"Except that they're not talking about our music. They're just talking about her," John said before rolling his trunks toward the venue.

Joe shrugged. "Want me to carry your guitar in?"

"Sure." And then I was rushed by a small group of fans that were already waiting out in the cold for the doors to open.

"Will you take a picture with me?!" A girl with short black hair and a safety pin through her cheek asked.

"Yeah, of course," I said to her and to everyone else that was pulling out their phones and cameras. This had become a regular thing, and I wondered if it was part of the annoyance John was feeling. The guys had to set up everything while I spent time with fans. But, what was I supposed to do? I couldn't just leave them all hanging.

I finally made my way into the venue and to the green room to get dressed... which for me was technically getting undressed. My outfit for tonight consisted of panties, fishnets, boots and nipple tape. I painted black around my eyes and exited the small room for the larger backstage area. My eyes darted around, but I didn't see him. I went back and checked my phone; nothing.

"Liz!" Joe's voice yelled loudly.

I walked out of the room again and our eyes locked. We covered the distance between us in seconds and then my feet were off the floor, my legs wrapping around his middle as he hugged me to him. I kissed him violently - I would have ripped his clothes off if I didn't have to be on stage in less than five minutes.

"Holy. Shit." He whispered into my ear.

"I know." We are electric live wires and water when we meet. There aren't words for this type of love. I can't breathe without you. "I love you. I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too. I missed you like crazy."

"You coming Legs?" Bradley yelled over his shoulder as he went towards the curtain. Everyone in the crowd was screaming.

"I'll be in the pit," Seth promised as he set me back down. I kissed him again before I ran to the stage. The crowd was squealing and chanting, the bass pedal began to thump, and then I became something else entirely as our show officially began.


	2. Convalescence

**A/N: Hi. If anyone is reading this and it's not making sense, I didn't really clarify before but this is the third part of what I wrote years ago. If you haven't read the first two, it's probably not going to make any sense at all. I don't remember why exactly I stopped working on it before, but it kept clawing its way back into my brain, so here it is. Third installment.**

2\. Convalescence

"That was amazing!" John yelled before pouring whiskey down his throat. "You two going to stay and party?"

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Fuck no. Unless you want us to give the club a show of a very different nature than the one we just did."

He looked me over. "I wouldn't mind watching. Could you imagine the headlines we'd see tomorrow?"

I saw Seth so I grabbed him on my way back to the green room. I put on my leather jacket and started throwing my other belongings into my tote bag.

"What's the rush?" he inquired with a smirk.

"I want you naked in a room with an actual bed," I answered honestly, eyeing the one ratty couch in the room. It had probably seen a lot of action.

"Are you going to put on pants?"

I looked down. "That's probably a good idea," I laughed. I dug around in the mess that I had just placed into my bag. "We have to walk."

"Why? Can't we get a cab?"

I smiled at him. "I want to walk. It's not far."

I danced around on the dark sidewalk, watching the foggy curls my breath created. "What a night! Did you have fun?"

"Watching you bounce around and rock out on stage is definitely in my top five favorite things," he replied. "Watching you bounce around _not_ on stage is another." He smiled crookedly at me. "What can I say? I'm a simple man."

I swung around and around a light post by one arm. "How's everything going back home?"

"Good, mostly. Leah is having a rough pregnancy. Ana said she's coming to see you next week."

"Is Josh coming?"

"I don't know, babe. They seem fine, though. They usually hole up for days at a time having some kind of epic fuck fest. It's pretty gross," he chuckled.

I frowned. "I miss you guys."

"We miss you, too. I miss you." He turned towards me and gave me one of those looks that lit my soul on fire. "How have you been?"

"Eh. You know." Our steps slowed and I had no choice but to meet his gaze.

"Have you heard from your lawyer?"

"Yeah. Lucky I'm in New York, it's decriminalized here. He said it'll go away with a bit of cash."

"Lucky," he nodded. We began to walk again.

"It does make me really nervous, though. I'm being examined under a public microscope." And had way too many secrets.

"Yeah, about that... I went to visit my mom before my flight and Charlie really laid into me."

I started to laugh and stopped again to get a cigarette. Seth blocked the wind for me and said, "He said he's going to watch you when you come home."

"Home," I sighed. "Well. What do you want me to do?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Just watch out, I guess. I don't want you getting into any trouble."

I winked at him. "Trouble is my middle name, baby. Our hotel is right there," I pointed.

We held hands as we crossed the street. Once we were safe in our room, there was no holding back. Our lives had been chaos since I started touring and we couldn't get enough of each other. I was _always_ working and partying. What I thought was going to be two months of traveling and shows somehow turned into six months, tons more shows plus interviews and a much larger obligation to fans. We didn't even talk everyday anymore.

We stripped each other bare and cracked a bottle of champagne, but we didn't take the time to have more than a sip each. I needed to feel him... I was trembling beneath his touch. When he kissed me, I couldn't stop from moaning into his mouth. When he entered me, my nails dug so deeply into his back that I could smell the blood.

We lay there afterwards, our breath ragged, our hearts pounding in our chests. I didn't want to move. I didn't ever want to leave this moment... but I came down from my high.

That was the thing about Seth; he was my absolute favorite high, but the comedown was such a fucking bitch. Like glass in my insides.

I got up and sat at the small desk in the room to smoke. "Want me to go outside?"

"No," he said sleepily. "I don't want either of us to ever leave this room."

I laughed. "Honey, have you actually looked at this room?"

He sat up and scanned our surroundings. "It's... well, it's pretty horrible. Were you planning on trashing this one? Because, honestly, I'm not sure they'd be able to tell if you did."

"Seth! That wasn't even me!" I giggled. "I mean, I may have started it by throwing that television out the window, but that was my only contribution to that mess."

"You incited a small riot, Liz." His phone buzzed and he checked it. "Look, it's us."

It sure was. Another speculation note on who exactly my mystery guy was.

"Still refusing to talk about me to the press?" he asked.

"I don't want them going after you like they do me. I just feel like it's only a matter of time before someone spills."

He smiled beautifully and looked up at me. "This one says I'm sexy. 'Liz Collins steps out after a gig with her band with a sexy mystery man'."

I shook my head at him. "Do you have me tagged for notifications?"

"I made Jared set it up for me. I thought he had screwed it up at first because my phone was going off constantly."

I climbed back into bed with him and he snuggled me close. "I don't know why you read all that crap."

"I don't," he said quickly. "I read some stuff, some stuff I don't. The stories aren't important. Seeing your name and pictures of you all the time makes me feel closer to you in a way. Especially since you cut me down from at least one conversation a day."

"Seth..."

"I know, I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just miss you. Sometimes it's really hard."

I sighed. "I'm off tour soon. _Very_ soon. I don't know what I'm going to do after." I turned to see his face. "Part of me wants to just stay home. Part of me... " wants to be a rock n' roller. Part of me needs to get lost in dope and music and crowds of people yelling that they love me, connecting to me. Part of me couldn't stand the thought of going back to my once cozy little home.

"I miss her, too," he said quietly. "I should have told you at midnight... Happy twenty first birthday, Elizabeth."

I tried to smile and failed miserably. He kissed my head and turned away as I got up to get the champagne. When I returned to the bed, he presented me with a small, flat, gift wrapped box. I opened it up to find a gift certificate to me usual tattoo parlor back in Washington and a hand drawn clip of paper that read "Lillyana".

"We'll match," he said.

I gently closed the box and wept for the loss of our beautiful daughter.


	3. Savor The Kill

3\. Savor The Kill

Another day, another city, another show.

Seth had left me earlier in the week to stay with Leah for a while. She was puking all night and day and he was the only one available to take care of her during the day. I had told him to go, but god damn did I miss him.

Joe handed me my compact mirror loaded with blow and a straw. "I'm fucking geeked, dude. Where'd you get this shit?"

"Some chick gave it to me last night," Bradley told him before he was passed the mirror.

"You just accept drugs from strangers?" I laughed.

"Like you don't," John said as he rubbed his finger across the now clean mirror.

"One of these days, we're going to end up snorting an RC and being hospitalized," I said.

"One of these days, you're going to get roofied," John cracked.

"And then we'll have to kill someone," Joe added.

I bumped his shoulder with mine. "This is some pretty serious coke, B." I stood up and shook myself. "Ooooh. Let's do something fun today."

"We have about two hours," John conceded. "What'd you have in mind?"

I clapped my hands dramatically. "SHOTS!" I yelled to the entire pub. "Shots, and then we travel, men!"

We tossed a few back and then we ran. We covered as much of the city as was possible with what time we had, laughing and playing and snapping pictures of each other around town. We ducked down alleyways to snort cocaine while people passed by on the streets above. We had a blast and we gave zero fucks.

By the time we hit the venue, I was so wasted. I could walk and talk but I was a jittery mess. I stumbled around the ladies restroom attempting to get myself ready.

"Ummm... need some help?" a girls voice asked. I had a long sleeved mesh top stuck on my head, and I really did need help. "I think your head is in an arm hole," she continued.

"Yes, please," I answered. The shirt was twisted and moved until it was in its proper spot.

"Oh, shit!" she gasped. "Liz! It's you!"

"That it is," I smiled.

"I'm a huge fan! Will you take a selfie with me?"

"Sure but let me finish getting dressed first."

The door clamored open and there stood John. He came in and quickly locked the door behind him.

"The fuck?" I pulled my bottoms the rest of the way up.

"Who's she?" he eyed the girl.

"Oh, I'm Erica." She bobbed her head nervously.

"How old are you, Erica?"

"Old enough?" she answered, unsure. "Seventeen."

"You should probably leave the immediate vicinity," he winked. She looked at me for confirmation.

"You don't want a record before you're an adult," I said with a shrug. "You're welcome to hang with us after the show, though."

John waved her away. "Bye, darlin'," he said as she left the room. He pulled out the remaining cocaine and dumped it on the edge of the sink. "You ready for this?"

My mouth was literally watering. "Oh, yeah," I smiled. We took our lines straight to the face and then he left the room, jittery and jumbled and wired. I applied my makeup sloppily and stared at my wide eyed reflection. "Showtime, motherfucker."

I ascended towards the stage straight through the crowd. People were pushing me, pulling me, starting to get a little chaotic. I wasn't totally there after a full day of booze and blow and I was laughing in the midst of it. I felt someone lift me up and carry me, then set me sitting up on the edge of the stage... and still I laughed as I sat there.

"Uh... Liz?" Joe came up behind me and wrapped my guitar across my front. "Hey! Come on, man."

"Shit," I giggled. I was supposed to be starting my show. But I was So. Fucked. Up. I stood up and got behind the microphone. "Guys? Guys," I said into the mic. "I am really fucking wasted right now."

And they screamed! They cheered! They yelled that they loved us. They yelled that they were fucked up, too. They yelled that they wanted to be.

I tossed my head back, howling with laughter and then I screamed right the fuck back at them. "YOU MOTHERFUCKERS READY FOR SOME DESPERATE ATTEMPT?!" They all went wild and we started to jam. I was in a haze but luckily, I wasn't me when I was on stage. Stage me was a motherfucking thrashing, wild beast.

Ten songs on our set list, twelve for a really large crowd. We were blasting through our songs just slightly quicker than normal due to our shared speed experience. First five songs went without a hitch; the crowd was feeling us, we were feeling them. I hit the sixth song and I'm starting to see red flying around me. My nose is just pouring blood and it's being slung wildly across my face, down my front, into my hair. The song ends and I take a drink of water, then take another and spew it out on everyone in front of me.

People are starting to react, yelling up to me that I'm bleeding, asking if I'm hurt.

"I'm bleeding?" I asked them. They all respond with a resounding yes. "Kids... this is why you don't do hard drugs." John starts right in with song number seven.

We wrap out show and everyone is still hyped, still wasted, looking for more. The guys all find groupies, and of course a bunch of groupies find me. Women in metal get all types - straight guys, lesbians, gay guys, straight girls, any demographic you can imagine offering me sex, drugs, clothing, keepsakes and everything in between. My night is a whirlwind of people begging me for a little attention. I do their dope, I drink their drinks and I attempt to give them some of what they're seeking.

Almost every somewhat popular musician out there thanks their fans, for obvious reasons. But most of them don't actually want to hang out with their fans. It's a business to them, an obligation to be filled at the correct price. I can understand their point of view, but I felt like they were really missing out.

I LOVED my fans. I loved meeting people from all over and getting to know them a little. When the dickwads in my band invited girls backstage and ditched them, I went out of my way to talk to them. When I met a fan that really stood out to me, I befriended them. I did this because I was one of them more than what they perceived me to be.

It was four a.m. when we started to head to our motel. It'd been a crazy night and one of the staff had to drive our van. My phone started to ring and I was immediately terrified that something bad had happened.

"What in the WORLD were you thinking?!" Anthony Boggs was my PR guy, and my natural born enemy. He was a homophobic, xenophobic, islamophobic Republican gun-toting scum of the Earth.

"Nice to hear from you, Boggs," I lied, my voice cracking sleepily.

"You think this shit is funny, don't you? It's not, Collins. It's really fucking not. You're a known liability - "

"Oh, fuck off! I'm not a fucking actress or a model or a Presidential candidate. The public is well aware of who I am. If I'm a liability now, I was a liability before and that makes it pretty fucking stupid for you to yell at me." I started to yawn.

He sighed in resignation. "I have an interview for you tomorrow. Guys name is Max Something, he's with Metal Injection. Can you handle that?"

"By tomorrow, do you mean later today? It's four in the morning here."

"Yeah, I do. Six o'clock."

"Okay, I guess." And then I hung up. He was sure to stew on that for at least a few hours and then he'd still worry I wouldn't show up for that interview.

I did show up, though, after a couple of hours of sleep, a shower, and a lot of caffeine. I met Max Something at a laid back restaurant and got a huge hoagie to enjoy while he threw questions at me. He seemed really nice, very personable, and also a little terrified of me. He warmed up, though. It was easy to see when it happened because he stopped asking piddly little bullshit questions and started in on the juicier goods.

"Any comment on what happened at your bands gig last night?"

I looked a bit puzzled. "Well, we had a pretty awesome show if that's what you mean."

"It's not," he smiled. I was more referring to the drug use and the blood flying everywhere."

"Oh, that!" I faked. "I mean, what can I say? I said what I said last night, it was pretty straightforward. I got fucked up before the show, I was fucked up during and I had a nosebleed. It happens."

"Does it bother you that people are comparing you to other young female celebrities that are well known for partying, such as Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, etc.?"

I slipped my sunglasses off and stared. "Does it bother me? Maybe, but not in the ways it would most people. It bothers me because I have a total of one thing in common with Lindsey Lohan. Not much of a comparison there. If the press or whoever wants to talk about me in reference to someone else, why not Joan Jett? Why not Otep? Why not any of countless other women in rock n' roll and metal that have had actual influence on me, my lifestyle, or my music? Better yet, why does it have to be a woman? You could compare me to Phil Anselmo, you could compare me to Dax Riggs. I've taken in a lot more of their personas than fucking Paris Hilton. Not to say I'm anywhere near as talented as any of those musicians, but fuck, man. Paris fucking Hilton?"

"Right on," he smiled. "What does your mystery boyfriend think about your staunch views?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, then relaxed and smiled. "No comment."

He turned his tape recorder off. "Off the record? I really am curious about this guy. Do you just hide him in hotel rooms?"

"Even better," I replied. "And off the record, I don't get why it even matters. I didn't become a professional musician to have people digging around in my personal life."

"Metal is making a comeback. You might have something to do with that." He tucked his things back into his trendy messenger bag. "Want a drink? I'll buy." He ordered us beers and then settled in more comfortably.

We were getting drunk and bullshitting like old friends. It wasn't until I said Seth's name and saw the spark of interest go off in him that I realized that wasn't the best idea.

"I should probably go," I told him. "We get up early tomorrow and head out."

"Out of New York?" he asked.

"Yeah," I gave him a look. "Off to Juggalo country."

He chuckled. "Sounds awesome."

It will be. Deftones and Incubus are playing an arena a city over."

"Big fan of theirs?" He started searching for a writing utensil. "On the record?"

"Definitely. Big fan, I mean. Deftones have been one of my favorite bands since White Pony came out. Chino Moreno's voice is just..." I shuddered a bit thinking about it. "It's so sensual. Their music has this flow to it that's almost ethereal feeling but they get really heavy as well. Magical."

He scribbled a bit longer and then smiled. "That was a great interview," he commented.

I laughed. "They're really not my strong suit."

We said our goodbyes then. 


	4. Rocket Skates

4\. Rocket Skates

I was onstage dancing, not even paying attention to the thousand or so people in the crowd watching. What was on stage was, for a change, more interesting to me, and that was because this wasn't my show.

"Guns! Razors! Kniiiiiiiiives! Fuck with me!" Chino was screaming, mere feet from where I stood. "Guns! Razors! Kniiiiiiiiiiiives! WOO!"

It had just taken me over. I was put into a trance by the music reverberating in my skull. I couldn't believe that I was standing onstage with a band that I had loved for so many years. This was literally a dream come true.

Once the show was over, I had to leave.

"I know," I was telling Stephen Carpenter as I tried to make my exit. "I wish I could stay."

"Why aren't you?" he asked.

"I have a shoot pretty early tomorrow with Inked." Which I had been insanely hyped about, until the timing fucked up my night.

"It was great meeting you," he said before giving me a hug. I thanked him and all of the other members before I set out on foot.

I was too drunk to drive and the guys were staying anyway. There wasn't really any public transportation around here, either. It was dark and wet and cold. I was under dressed and paranoid, so I gripped my knife open inside of my hoodie pocket.

I passed clusters of people and a few stragglers pouring out of the bars nearby. I got some looks and a few catcalls, and one person actually took a photo of me; I hoped that they recognized me, because otherwise that was pretty creepy.

Another block passed when I heard... something. A crash, a yelp, I don't know but my brain automatically registered that something dangerous was happening not far from me. I ran straight down the alleyway to my right and within seconds I was gripping this guys jacket in my ice cold hands and my knee was making harsh contact between his legs.

He groaned loudly in pain and began to wretch like he was going to vomit.

I spotted another teenage guy. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he snapped. His eyes rose and then grew wide. "Liz Collins! Holy shit! It's you!" He took my hand and straightened up to standing. He was tall and really scrawny, probably about sixteen years old. He was wearing a Desperate Attempt hoodie and Tripp jeans from Hot Topic.

"Come on." I motioned back towards the street with my head.

He instantly followed me. "I can't believe this! Will you sign my shirt? Will you take a picture with me? Wait til I tell Devin..."

"Want me to walk you home?" I interrupted his rambling. "And yes, I'll sign whatever and take a pic."

"I'm a huge fan," he said, suddenly staring at me. "This makes getting beat up by that dickface again totally worth it!"

I frowned. "Does he do that often?"

Kid shrugged. "He's a bully. Maybe getting kneed in the nuts by you will change that."

"Maybe," I snorted. "I used to get bullied, too."

"Really?"

"Yep. Not so much physically, but kids in school were always mean to me."

He stopped walking. "That's weird to think about."

"All these kids in school with you... all the ones that are popular for being assholes, they're probably going through things that you wouldn't imagine. And no one is giving them the help they need so they go to school and take out their anger on kids like you. The ones that are just assholes to be assholes, they'll get theirs one day. Life has a way of handling this shit, right?"

"I like that," he smiled. Then he sighed. "This is my house. I should probably go in before my mom starts freaking out... but will you come in with me?"

I raised one seriously skeptical eyebrow.

"I mean... Oh! I'm not t-trying to lure you or something! I mean, I would n-never... I mean, ah, shit... Markers! My markers are inside and you said you'd sign - "

"TATE!" a woman yelled from the front door. "Is that you? You better get your behind in here out of that cold!"

I laughed. "I can come in for a minute," I finally told him.

He led me up the walkway and stopped to introduce me to his mother. He was so proud of who he'd brought home, and she had no idea who I was aside from some picture of me in her sons room.

He took me to said room, and I felt like a teenager again. Posters, drawings, clips of poetry and lyrics covered the walls. I zeroed in on a poster of me wearing next to nothing in a very provocative pose.

"Awkward," I commented.

"Found it!" he proclaimed, holding a sharpie high in the air. "Oh, I love that one. The way her, I mean your..."

I spun around and smirked. "Probably shouldn't finish that sentence."

He was blushing and his phone started going off. "Dev! DUDE! You will never, ever believe who is in my room." The person responded before Tate screamed, "IT'S LIZ FUCKING COLLINS, DUDE! SHE'S IN. MY. ROOM!"

He held out the phone to me. "Uh. Hi?"

"No way. Who is this really?" a young voice asked.

"It's really me," I answered awkwardly.

"When's your birthday?" he started to quiz me.

"It was two weeks ago," I laughed. "You do realize that, even if I wasn't me, I could just look that up. Right?"

"Good point," he conceded. "Skype me!"

Tate was already opening up his laptop and calling Devin on it. His face appeared momentarily on the screen, and then he was a blur of movement as he bounced around. He got down on his knees and hailed Tate as a God.

"You're embarrassing me," Tate scoffed.

"Is she the first girl that's ever been in your room?" Devin asked.

"Closing the laptop now," Tate retorted.

"Wait, dude! I - " and then he was gone.

"Sorry about that," he said, turning red again.

"It's okay," I giggled. "Let's take that picture."

I was about two blocks away from Tate's house and about a block away from the motel when my phone started to ring. The screen read that it was Ana Belle, but I had a feeling it wasn't her on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe," Seth answered. "You okay?"

I shook my head no. "Yeah... you?"

"I'd be a lot better if you would answer your phone when I call."

"I'm busy sometimes when you call." I finally made it to the desk of the motel. "Hold on a second." I left him on hold for the entire duration of the check-in process, mentally kicking myself before returning to our conversation. "I'm sorry," I finally said.

"Baby," he purred, "I miss you. You've got to talk to me."

"I miss you, too. I just... have so much going on lately."

"Speaking of which, why were you hanging out in a fifteen year old boys room?"

That was quick. I plopped down on the gross bed I'd be sleeping in for the night. "I found him in an alley getting his ass beat and walked him home."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. He was a nice kid. Big fan."

"Look... I've been trying to talk to you about coming out for your last show," he finally said.

I sighed. "I know."

"Is that why you're avoiding me?" He suddenly sounded pissed.

"Honestly? It is. Because as badly as I want to see you, I just don't think you being here for that one is a good idea."

"Liz... Why?" And now he sounded hurt, and that was really why I hadn't wanted to have this conversation.

"I'll be back home. I just want to see my family and then blow the fucking top off of my town, and part of that is that I really have to bring the party. If you're there, I'm only going to spend time wrapped around you and rubbing up against you inappropriately."

"I really like the sound of that," he replied.

"I fucking do, too. After this show, I'm almost home bound."

"What do you mean 'almost'?"

"Two shows to see in Seattle." I was really starting to think about the next time I would get to see him and it was making me incredibly aroused right now. "So... what are you wearing?"

He laughed nervously. "Well, uh... I'm in bed, so I'm just wearing some pajama pants. Your pajama pants, actually."

I smiled. "Anything underneath them?"

"Nope. What about you?" He sounded much happier now.

"Well... hold on a second." I had to put my phone down to pull my hoodie over my head. I'm wearing black legging with jean shorts and a Superjoint Ritual t-shirt."

"Boots?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Perfect."

"Um... hold on again." I had to pee, and I wasn't trying to have phone sex while on the toilet. I threw my phone to the bed and ran to the bathroom where I saw someone lying in the bathtub. I screamed at the top of my lungs and grabbed the first thing my hand touched - a blow dryer - and lopped it at the persons head. I'd left my knife in the hoodie I'd just removed.

"Ow, fuck! Legs! It's me." The body rolled over.

"What. The. FUCK. Are you doing here?!" I screamed. "Go back to your room!"

"I can't!" Bradley slurred. "Just let me sleep in here." And then he was out again, face down on the porcelain.

"I have to pee!" I shouted, but he didn't move. He was asleep facing away from me at least, so I went ahead and used the toilet. I ran back to my phone. "You still there?"

"Are you okay?!" Seth yelled.

"Yeah, Brad is asleep in my bathtub. I hit him with a blow dryer."

He sighed longingly. "We'll pick this back up... next time you're alone."

I pouted, but I also wasn't willing to masturbate that close to my drunken idiot band mate. "Okay."

"When are you coming back to me? It's almost New Year's." He was so irritated with me, and I couldn't really blame him. I had been flaky lately, as he had already pointed out. I wasn't trying to be, but it still kept happening.

"Why don't you come see me in Seattle? We can go home together." For now.

"That would be... almost as good as seeing you before then, so I'll take it. I love you. Please call me soon."

"I will. I love you, too." And we hung up. I stared at my phone for a moment, wondering just what in the fuck I was doing when I heard a loud pissy groan.

Bradley hit the floor in the bathroom and then stumbled his way over to the bed and sat down next to me.

"You're not sleeping up here," I snapped.

"Wasn't planning to, but I bet the floor is better than the tub. Now seriously. What are you doing?"

"Wallowing in my misery?"

"Seth looks at you like you shit gold nuggets and rainbows and your tits are full of Hawaiian Punch, and you act like he's an inconvenience."

I had to break eye contact before I cried. "I just need to be alone for a while."

"But you refuse to cut him loose. Liz, the dude is totally enamored with you and obviously he'll wait for you. But why would you make him?"

"Maybe I'm a narcissist." I didn't feel like one but I sure could act like one. Like the only persons feelings that mattered to me were my own. And I had no excuse for it, for not being where the people I loved needed me to be except that when I found myself looking at the home I'd left behind, I felt like the ache inside me was going to pull me under like a wave and swallow me whole.

"Cut it out," he said after a moment. "You can't push everyone away while you're on the road. You'll be home at some point and you'll be alone if you alienate everyone while you're not there."

I squinted at him. "Go pass back out, my drunken philosopher. I'm going to sleep."


	5. Schism

5\. Schism

(Seth)

"Ana! I'm done with your phone!" I yelled from the bedroom door. I had already learned better than to travel down the hall and closer to their room.

She came quickly to retrieve it. "Did she answer?"

"Yeah. She knew it was me, though." I think.

"She doing alright?"

I shrugged. "She's doing her thing. Getting fucked up and saving teenagers in alleyways and such." She looked at me questioningly but I didn't explain. She'd see it at some point, anyway.

I didn't want to talk. I was bored and lonely and sexually frustrated. What I wanted was for my girl to be here with me instead of sleeping in some shit motel with a dude in the bathroom. Unfortunately, more than than that, I wanted Liz to be happy... and she didn't want to be here. I wasn't sure she wanted to be around me at all.

Almost a month to the day after she'd lost our baby, she snapped out of the haze she'd been living in. It was weird now how surprised I was just to see her putting on clothes that weren't lounge wear and applying makeup. She left the house without a word, but she carried a backpack and one of her guitars and disappeared for a day. She came home and told me she was going to record an album with a band, and it didn't take long from there to get a tour deal.

And off they went. That was back in June. This was supposed to be a summer thing, and then everything was supposed to go back to normal - or as close to normal as they'd been before. They didn't. It was now December and she kept putting off coming home.

Even when I was with her, she felt a world away.

I laid there awake in the dark, tossing and turning. I needed my imprint. I couldn't stop thinking about her and the emotional rollercoaster that being with her could be. I gave up on sleeping and started through the kitchen.

"What's up, man?" Josh asked when I entered the room.

"Going for a run, I guess." I got an apple out of the fruit bowl between us and glanced at the screen of his tablet. "2016 Viper? Sweet."

"Check this Audi," he said as he swiped right a few times. "I'd ask you which performs better but I know you don't encounter beauties like these at work," he smirked.

He was right about that. No one in La Push drove a car like that or anything that was created in the past decade. "Where's Belle?"

"She's in there on the phone," he said, his voice a bit on edge. "An inmate of Southern Regional Jail is attempting to contact you. Will you accept this call?" he mimicked.

"Darrell." We both hated him.

"I don't know why she still talks to him." Liz had written him off, but Ana still spoke to him about once every month.

"It's so fucking boring around here lately," I said to change the subject. I was already aggravated enough without thinking about that guy.

"Why don't you go visit for a few days?"

I sighed. "She doesn't want me to."

"Remember back before Liz came to Forks and you couldn't wait to imprint on someone?"

"Remember when Ana got here and wouldn't have you because you were a giant asshole?"

He laughed. "Touche. Got her in the end, though." He leaned closer to me and motioned for me to do the same. "I'm going to propose."

"When?"

His expression changed. "I'm not sure yet. Every idea I have is too cheesy. She'll say no if I don't do it right."

I chuckled. "No, she won't. She'll say yes and give you shit about it for the rest of your life. She loves you."

He smiled. "Yeah she does. Want to be in the wedding?"

"Sure," I said. "So... how long do you think it'd take me to run across the country?"

"How long did it take last time?" he snorted.

I grumbled and sighed, and then I left. I wasn't going to run all the way to her after she explicitly told me she didn't want me there, but I was going to cover most of the state tonight. Being a wolf felt simpler.

I stripped in the backyard and jumped, phasing before my front paws hit the ground. I needed this, needed to be an animal for awhile. Push down the hurt. Focus on the sounds, the smells, the feel of the forest beneath my feet.

I'd been running for maybe an hour when the familiar ice cold stench of vampire burned up my nostrils. Brady and Chris were present in my head, but they were all the way back in La Push. They started thundering my way but I knew they wouldn't make it in time, so I knew I was going to have to take care of this on my own.

What I came upon was a scene straight out of my worst nightmares; a male vampire stood near hidden in the cover of the trees, grasping a woman to him as he fed from her throat. I launched myself at him and went straight for his neck as he dropped the woman in surprise.

He flung me backwards and my back cracked an ancient vine maple completely in half. I hit the ground on all four paws and we both readied ourselves to attack. He was coming head on, so at the very last second before his arms flung around me I grabbed his right arm and spun, disconnecting the arm at the shoulder as his body hit another tree like a boulder.

He was surprised and that gave me an advantage. I went for his neck again before he had a chance to recover and it hit the ground a few feet from me with a sickening thunk.

 _The girl, Seth._ Brady thought to me as he hurried to get to where I was. _What are you going to do?_

 _You know what he has to do,_ Chris thought. _You can't kill one and let the other remain._

He was right but I hated that he was. I'd never been alone when this had happened before, never been forced to take the life of a human being. I cursed the vampire and cursed my own timing... if I'd arrived moments later, she still would have lost her life but she would have lost it to the vampire instead of me. I could almost accept the death but I could not accept being the one to have to pull the trigger.

I stepped closer to the twitching form of the woman; she was young and had long blonde hair that was sticking to the blood and dirt on her face. She'd been roughed up during her time with the vampire and I cursed him again for that.

She started to moan and then scream.

 _She's changing,_ Chris thought. _Put her out of her misery._

 _We're almost there, bro. You don't have to do anything you don't want to._

It was tempting - I could walk away now and let them clean up this mess. But I couldn't put that on my pack, my brothers. As if it would somehow hurt one of them less to have to do this. I wouldn't be so selfish.

The others appeared then. _Dig,_ I told them.

I took a final look at the writhing woman and though she couldn't hear me, I apologized for what I was about to do. I closed my eyes, braced myself... and bit.


	6. You've Seen The Butcher

6\. You've Seen The Butcher

Finally, I was back to my mountains. Back to my poor, dead coal mining towns and the sad pillheads that populated them. I was home.

"Are you sure Rez will go for this?" I asked John as we watched the roadies set up a contraption above the stage that would pour fake blood down upon us.

"He said it was cool. He's making bank off of this show, I don't think he's too concerned with cleaning up afterwards."

I dicked around for a little bit and took some pictures with people, then the bar opened and I started getting bombarded with old friends and acquaintances. I had missed everyone - well, not _everyone -_ but this was overwhelming. I couldn't get a single second to myself and my nerves were jumping today.

"Kobe!" I yelled through the crowd. "KOBE!"

He turned his head and nodded, then loped over to me as he pushed his way past everyone between us. He put his huge hand on my shoulder and guided me through the thick block of people to the side door that lead outside.

Then he leaned down and threw his arms around me for a second. "How you been, girl?"

"Anxious as fuck, for some reason."

He passed me a fresh blunt. "This should help."

"What time is it?" I blew my hit towards the fence as the door opened and Rez came out. Kobe held his wrist towards me... five hours til show.

"I got some stuff for you, Legs." He hit the L with one hand as he started handing baggies to me with the other.

"Where'd you get all this dope?" It was a pretty vast assortment of substances.

"Everybody's just glad to have you here," he answered.

I eyed a bag of blotter paper and wondered if there was any way I could perform tripping on acid. I hadn't done any in a long time - I wasn't in the right state of mind lately and I knew it, but the idea was still tempting.

"Those Superman's came from my boy," Kobe said as he pointed to some little blue tablets of X.

"Double stack?" I asked, my teeth nibbling at my lip.

"Triple."

A big puff of air whooshed out of my lungs. "Wanna share one and go ride around or something?"

He busted out laughing, the brightness of his teeth shocking against his deep brown skin. "Yo, Rez! You hear this girl?"

Rez just kind of sighed as he looked back and forth between us. "Take your car, not the shuttle. And have her back here with plenty of time."

I popped a tab in half and stuck mine under my tongue. This was a ridiculous idea, but I'd done it before and it had been awesome. I felt like the only real obstacle was going to be making it back in time to play our spot. But... you know. Fuck it.

"Dude... you ever heard of booty bumping?" Kobe slid his tab under his tongue and smiled as I laughed at him.

I sat in the passenger seat, flipping through tracks on his cd player. "Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick Lamar. Ugh, Kobe."

"Kendrick's a genius!" he yelled. "A lyrical fuckin' genius, Legs."

"Whatever." I hooked my phone to his system and started playing some 2pac. I rapped and he laughed at me as we made our way through dirt roads in the woods to the Spot.

"Killing, _KILLING_ my ride right now," he complained.

"Stop up there and we'll walk the rest. It's not far."

He pulled off and we stepped out of the car. It was surprisingly warm today, even if the wind was whipping my hair around. The woods were still buzzing with activity, birds chirping and squirrels chasing each other around trees. I saw a flower in full bloom and leaned over to smell it.

"You want it?" Kobe asked as he began to reach towards the lily.

"No," I said quickly. "I'd rather let it grow." I started off down the path that would take me to the cliffs and the caves, looking for the markers that would help guide my way. I passed the knife tree and then Underwear Mountain and could see the graffiti-covered caves up ahead.

"Damn, you WV kids don't fuck around," Kobe said as he looked down at the disgusting old pile of panties and boxers.

"I added to that once."

He made a face at me.

"I had puked all over myself. I added puke panties."

"Gross," he said as he moved forward.

He sat down on the large, flat rock in the cave as I read the graffiti, looking for my own. I found a pretty big "Darrell hearts Liz" that I didn't write, complete with blood dripping from the heart... because that's not weird at all. Then, buried under some other tags was my "Liz Loves Ana Forever". There had been some jokes about it when I'd done it, but so far it had held true and that was more than you could say about most of the declarations of love on these walls.

"I wonder if kids still party out here." The X was starting to hit me full on and I felt strangely nostalgic. My friends and I used to throw huge parties out here and we'd usually camp. My mind was flipping through memories of bonfires and drunk people and witnessing firsthand a few different people actually fall off the cliff - they were fine, for the most part.

"Florida's not like this," Kobe said as he pushed down from the rock and started towards me.

"You probably can't play in the woods because of alligators," I laughed.

"Shit, y'all got bears," he joked back.

I heard a bit of rustling and looked around the leaves for movement. "We also have snakes," I said as I zeroed in on the nearly five foot ratsnake that was slithering our way. "But so does Florida..."

"Oh, SHIT!" Kobe started to panic. He ran back into the cave and jumped atop the rock, yelling the whole way. "Liz! Oh my God, Liz!"

"It's okay," I said evenly. Somewhere in my mind, I remembered that black snakes were aggressive as fuck, even though their venom was harmless. Getting bit sometimes resulted in a nasty infection.

Still, I bent down as the snake approached and I looked it in the eyes. It didn't try to strike me.

Kobe was still totally freaking out. "LIZ! What are you doin'?! You are going to get BIT in the FACE!"

"It's okay," I repeated. We were both kind of flying off this ecstasy and everything was _intense_ as fuck, but I couldn't decide which of us was acting crazier right now.

I held my hand close to the head of the snake and realized who was crazier, because it was definitely me. I felt crazy, but I also felt like I knew what I was doing. A confident kind of insane. The snakes tongue flicked out once and then it came a little closer. The forked tongue flicked twice more before it proceeded to slither up my arm, across my shoulders and down my other arm.

I stood back up and turned to face Kobe in the cave. He just stared, eyes wide and slack jawed. "This is the best ecstasy. Ever."

I dragged a very freaked out and statue-stiff Kobe back through the club doors with just enough time to get dressed and hit the stage. I'd been having a beautifully open and nature-filled experience for the past few hours while he had not fully recovered from his little freakout over the snake. I'd had to drive all the way back out here in his BMW while he sat all squished up and staring, his mouth agape in the passenger seat.

"Rez! Cowboy!" I yelled through the second doorway to the large main room. They came and got Kobe from me and I dashed off to the bathroom.

I got dressed in a frenzy while bitches pounded at the door, and - even though my reflection was totally wigging me out - I braved putting on some extra makeup. I pulled the door open and ran to the stage where my band was already waiting for me, all plugged up and ready to go. Someone I barely recognized raised a shot to me and I tossed it back with a thank you.

"Keep 'em coming, I'm trying to party tonight," I laughed into the mic. The crowd cheered raucously as we swung right into our set.

This wasn't the biggest show we'd ever played, but it was probably the most devoted crowd we could play to. Looking out into the sea of faces, I recognized so many of them. If I weren't so fucked up, I might be nervous.

I did get nervous as we closed our final song. My band was already re-tuning their instruments or switching them out completely. People were yelling for an encore, but we had something even better for them.

"You guys want another song?" I yelled in the mic.

The responded with excitement as I knew they would.

"How about a couple more?!"

I was met with another round of ecstatic roars.

"We've got a special treat for you guys tonight." I hung the mic back in it's stand and stepped aside as my band started the deep, rough music, and Chino himself stepped out on the small stage.

I was instantly under the spell of that voice. I was dancing, swaying, touching my body, just getting lost in the beauty of it all. I didn't even realize it at first, but then I was being eased back towards the front of the stage from behind, and I realized Chino was up against me. He hit the second chorus and the blood started to rain down on us, flying all around.

I was rolling _hard_ off that stack, still after all these hours. I felt absolutely amazing being up there in the bright lights of the stage, covered in sweat and blood like an animal, dancing like no one was watching me. This was the life.

When the show ended, the party began. It was so intense; hot, sweaty, blood soaked bodies were pushing into each other, dancing, grinding, swapping spit and sweat. Sex was in the air and everyone was feeling it. Including, apparently, the rock God that I had just shared a stage with.

We were dancing and he was looking at me like he was going to devour me whole. "You're awesome, Liz," he said right next to my face. "Thanks for having us tonight."

He was so close that I could smell the Armani cologne he wore, a scent that reminded me of the taste of lortabs dripping down my throat. "Fuck, man. Thank YOU guys! Tonight has just been..." There weren't enough words.

"We could make it better," he said, and honestly it stunned me. "Stay with me tonight."

For just a moment, I stared and soaked in the fact that someone I'd crushed on for a huge portion of my life was hitting on me. This was seriously one of the proudest moments of my entire life, and I didn't give a shit who thought it shouldn't be.

"I'm actually with someone," I said into his ear. "But I'm trying to revel in this moment because I'm so flattered. Under other circumstances..."

He smiled at me. "Ah, gotcha. Well, you have my number. Keep in touch. Come see us again." He gave me a quick hug before we parted ways.

I wanted to faint. I sat down for a few minutes and got some water; I wasn't sure if I was overheating from the ecstasy or if my temperature was just rising in reaction to Chino, but either way I needed a cool down. I was chugging the bottle when an old friend, Alley, came up to me and offered to smoke me up outside.

I wanted so badly to call Ana, but I knew that was a bad idea; I texted her instead. She didn't seem as interested in my night as I was and our conversation started to feel stale fast. I wondered if it was anything to do with tonight or if it was just because of the state of things lately.

I finally stole away and called her from Kobe's unlocked car.

"Hey," she answered cautiously.

"You know what I found today?" I pulled the phone from my ear and sent her a picture of the cave wall.

"Awww," she answered after a moment. "I remember the day you did this!"

"Me too," I laughed. "And I was thinking earlier that it's cool I put you instead of whatever dumbass I was dating at the time, because I actually do love you forever."

"I love you too, crazy girl. How's everything going in dub-vee?"

"Good but it's so weird... I know almost everyone but my real crew isn't here." Once Darrell was locked up, his remaining band members had migrated farther away from here and each other. None of them had been here tonight.

"Have you seen your family yet?"

I sighed. I didn't even want to. I mean, I'd like to see my Terra Alta family, but that was back up in the north-easternmost corner of the state. "Not yet. I'm going to mom's in a few hours... maybe less."

There was a knock at the window that made me jump, but it was just Kobe coming back to his own car. I crawled over to the passenger seat and got off the phone with Ana.

"You want a ride home?" he asked me, rubbing his hands over his face.

"Sure."

We drove for a few minutes before we hit a red light, and he started staring at me. "So, we just not going to talk about that fact that you fucking did some weird snake charmin' shit out in the woods earlier, rollin' on ecstasy?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Stranger things have happened. I know."


	7. I Want You She's So Heavy

7\. I Want You/ She's So Heavy

(Ana)

I trudged back through the woods, up the gentle slope of the backyard and up onto the deck where I sat down. I kind of didn't want to go inside yet and face Seth. There was no question that he knew I had just been talking to Liz, and I was sure he had also noticed the lengths I took for privacy... Goddamn werewolf hearing.

He was waiting for me right inside the door. "Spill," he said.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Just girl stuff."

His eyes fixed on me as he pulled his phone out and held it up so that I could see the screen... And there was my girl, on a stage we'd visited many times before, dancing sensually against Chino Moreno as he sang. I was in awe; she'd told me about it, but nothing beats a full image.

"Did she mention this?" His tone was accusatory.

"Well... sort of, yeah."

He turned his screen and looked at the video for another second. I could hear his teeth snap together. "What exactly did she say?"

I went into red-alert and slipped my phone into my pocket; of course he saw me do it, but he wouldn't push that far. "Don't try to make me break girl code. You need to talk to her yourself."

"Is she messing with this guy?"

Seth was literally the nicest guy in the world, seeing him genuinely angry was rare - and frightening. But I could see his temper starting to flare. "She wouldn't do that..." Probably. I think.

"You don't even know for sure," he snapped, and the low growl of his voice was scarier than a shout would have been. "I need to... if she would just come back..." he started pacing the kitchen, his face all scrunched up and pissed off.

"Seth... Go run it off," I suggested as his skin turned redder. "Do NOT phase in here."

Josh popped into the kitchen then and stepped right in front of me protectively. I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes. "Dude, get outside before you lose it," Josh said.

Seth took a step towards the door and his phone rang. He stuck a shaking hand in his pocket and visibly calmed upon reading the screen. "Sorry," he said before he answered the phone and exited the house.

Josh and I stared at one another for a long moment. He motioned towards our room and I followed him there. "You need to try to talk her into coming back here before he loses his shit, Belle."

"You think I haven't? She says she's coming back and then she doesn't. She doesn't want to come back. Liz likes to run from her problems."

We sat down on the bed together. "What can we do, then? I'm telling you, he's never been like this. The guy used to wander around high school whistling and shit. He was perpetually happy until she showed up," he spat.

"Hey now," I shot quickly. "Liz has her quirks and all but that's still my best friend you're talking about."

He smiled a gorgeous, cocky smile. "I thought I was your best friend." He leaned in slowly, licking his full lips. They were just begging to be kissed,nipped and bitten. I was more than happy to fulfill that request.

"Lose the shirt," I commanded, his bottom lip wedged neatly between my front teeth.

"I'll show you mine, you show me yours," he answered. He eased his shirt off, and then mine. I heard something outside and Josh leaned over to peek out the window. "Guess that was a productive conversation," he remarked sarcastically.

"Not our problem," I said as I reached for the fastening on his belt. "Turn some music on." We're going to be making all kinds of animal noises up in here. I got on my knees and motioned for him to lay down, and then I strapped one wrist to the bed frame.

"You know I could get out of this if I wanted," he said, a sly smile playing at his lips.

I shoved my breasts in his face as I latched the other wrist. "You know I'm going to get pissed at you if you break this headboard, baby." I smacked his cheek lightly and wagged my finger in his face.

"What are you going to do about it?" he asked menacingly.

I kissed my way down to his belt line before pulling off those pesky jeans. "You're being very, very naughty today."

"Teach me a lesson," he dared. I bit his inner thigh and he gasped, and then I licked the length of his cock and slid it into my mouth... then I stopped. "Ana Belle," he warned.

I only smiled.

"Stop teasing me."

I straddled him and removed my bra. "Too bad you can't touch me," I said, touching myself for emphasis.

"You're pushing me, Belle. Get those fucking pants off."

I stood up and pulled the rest of my clothes off, slowly swaying with the music. He was growling as I slid back to the bed on all fours, my ass close to his face. I used one hand to steady his dick while I sucked it and my other hand was behind me, working myself.

"Good. Fucking. God," he said through gritted teeth.

I looked back for a moment. "God doesn't have shit to do with it, baby."

He made a deep sound in his chest and suddenly ripped the restraints easily away, and then he was on top of me, taking control, readying himself to plunge into me.

Right at the last second, our eyes met and he paused. The hand that wasn't under me drifted from my breast to my neck, then up into my hair. His thumb reached my lips and he touched them tenderly. "I love you so much, Ana Belle. _So_ much."

After we made love, I nestled into that perfect nook near his shoulder, his arm wrapped around me as I caught my breath. "You always surprise me."

He picked up my hand and raised it to his lips before entwining our fingers. "You surprise me, too. I never saw you coming."

"You just saw me cum like, five times," I giggled.

"Only five?!" he joked. "We better go again." He flipped over on top of me while I laughed, but then he laid back down. He knew there was no way I could handle it again so soon. "Seriously, though. If I had known a girl like you existed before..."

"Well, you're stuck with me now."

"Good," he said. He repositioned us, pulling our faces closer together so he could kiss me. "You better never leave me."

"I'm not Liz," I sighed. "And for the record, she's still with Seth, as in, still in a relationship. She didn't leave him in that sense."

"The distance would kill me. When we imprint, that's one of the main things - we _have_ to be close to that person. You need them close like you need food and oxygen."

I kissed him again. "I'm not going anywhere," I promised.

When I finally emerged from our room, leaving behind a very passed out werewolf, I found Seth sitting in the kitchen. I was shocked to see he was nursing a bottle of tequila.

He scrunched up his nose. "Boooo," he said as he threw a crumpled up ball of paper at me. I could see enough of it to know it was a letter to Liz.

"Writing a love note?" I asked. I sat down across from him and lifted his bottle to my mouth, guzzling down as much as I could stand to.

"Hey," he slurred. "Find your own bottle."

If only he knew where my mouth had been, just hours ago. "What happened earlier?"

"Uuugh," he groaned dramatically. "She's pissed at me."

I was surprised to see that the sun was already up. "You been up all night and haven't talked to her again?" I took his phone off the table and tried her number, but she didn't answer.

"Never said I hadn't tried."

"You know what? Fuck this. Come on." I put some coffee on and grabbed another bottle before dragging him outside with me where I turned on some music from his phone. "Alright, it's drunken heart to heart time."

Five hours, a whole lot of tears and too many shots later, Josh came outside to find us. Seth was drunk but still lucid - I was too drunk to walk and majorly sleep deprived. I'd spent maybe an hour or so just singing along with the music horribly. Josh was about to carry me in when I stopped him.

"Wait, wait, wait," I was trying to say.

Josh laughed. "Babe, you're sloshed. Come and sleep it off."

I tried to argue but it came out as me shaking my head going, "Nnnnnnn". I took my phone from the little table on the deck and tried, quite a few times, to call Liz.

"Come home," I said in the most ridiculously drunken manner once she answered.

"What's wrong?" she asked sleepily.

"We misses you!" I cried.

"Ana, I can't right now," she sighed. She sounded worst than tired, she sounded kind of sick.

"Are you in bed?"

"Yeah, I'm... yeah. I'm in bed."

"Come in the morning. Come on a plane!"

"I can't," she repeated. I could hear another voice in the background and then a muffled reply from her.

"Who's that?"

"It was the tv," she lied.

"Nuh-uh. You answered." Drunk me was killing it in the verbal department.

She started to cry. "I'll come when I can." And then she hung up on me.

I just stared at my phone in confusion. She wouldn't be with a guy, would she? I mean, if it was just one of her band members, she wouldn't have lied about it. If it was anybody BUT another guy, she wouldn't have lied about it... right?

"What the fuck was that?" Seth finally broke the silence, echoing my thoughts.

"She cried," I accidentally said aloud.

"Yeah, like she'd made some kind of horrible mistake the night before," Seth said, his voice just above a whisper.

I held up my hand. "No, she would never cry in front of some random hookup." I was absolutely sure of that.

Seth took a few deep breaths and looked at me. "You should get some sleep, Ana."

As soon as the door swung shut behind Josh, he was gone.


	8. At My Window

_"Living is sighing,  
Dying ain't flyin' so high.  
Baby and I are lying here  
Watching the day go by."_

8\. At My Window

I had fucked up big this time.

I'd gone back to my mother's home after my wild night and tried to sleep through the comedown off the ecstasy. I felt horrible - it was physically painful and I was shaky, my skin crawling as I lie there. I couldn't stand it.

My stomach was rolling but I had to get up. As soon as my feet hit the floor and my body straightened up, I had to force the window of my old bedroom up and vomit on the hedge outside. Just like old times.

It was a little after two in the morning when I headed out through the back door in hopes of not waking my mother. I walked quickly to the closest bar and went into the bathroom where I pulled out the substance I'd brought with me. Off white and slightly chunky, I didn't give it a second thought; I was certain it was cocaine. Then I whiffed a line up my nose and realized it was a speedball, coke and heroin.

So fucking stupid. SO, SO fucking stupid.

The hit was almost instantaneous - of course, the burning in my nose was immediate, and then came the KAPOW moment where it just kicked my ass.

I left the bathroom a shaking mess. The faces around me had that moment of looking curiously and then wondering what the fuck was wrong with me. I got to the bar and took one of few empty seats between two bigger guys watching the football game on the television set above.

"Hey, Liz!" the bartender, Ronnie, waved at me as I slumped in my chair.

"Hey."

"Want a beer?"

I nodded my head. "Dealer's choice." I needed something to help the way I was feeling, which was just... wrong. He set a glass in front of me and I chugged it down, but it did nothing to help. My brain felt slow and mushy and it was like I couldn't hear what was happening up there, just bits and pieces.

I walked outside and smoked on the sidewalk just outside of the fenced area with tables and chairs. Those were all filled up with frat-looking guys. I had to lean against a dogwood to keep my balance as the world got more and more tilted feeling. I broke out in a prickly sweat that made my skin feel even colder than the night air.

I squatted down and puked again, but this time it didn't feel better. I was still holding onto the tree for dear life as wave after wave of pins and needles crashed over me violently. My heart was pounding but my breathing slowed.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I felt my head hit the tree as I slumped against it, unable to hold my own weight up any longer.

Everything went gray... then black. And then in an instant, I knew I was dead. I knew I was, but I had never felt so ALIVE.

My consciousness was flooded with sharp, bright memories. Everything that made me who I was, everything that was present within me. Sad images of a baby being neglected by an annoyed father and an overtired mother. Traumatic images of a very young girl, asleep until her pants are being yanked down, a mouth on her body that made her disgusted with herself. A preteen feeling lost and alone, in pain. A teenager being blindly led by anger. A young woman being beaten bloody by the one person she loved. A woman whose baby died inside of her.

And then there were the beautiful things; smiling with Ana Belle, seeing Seth in the sunshine. Playing guitar along with the rolling waves of the ocean, singing my heart out to the world. Spinning fans of fire, dancing with Seth in the rain.

I felt content. I was dead now, but I had lived. I had tried my best to take every ugly thing the world had thrown at me and turn it into something beautiful through art, through music. I had no reservations, no worries as I slipped away. I wanted nothingness to surround me.

It wasn't nothing; it was fire in my veins. Trembling and gasping as the tide swung me in the opposite direction of the soft float-away I'd been riding. An infinite gap closed and I coughed, flung back to life in a manner so violent I didn't even want the words to describe it.

I was ripping, clawing the various wires away. They were yelling, fighting me back down. I was screaming and pleading; why would they do this to me? I needed the darkness. This was too loud, too hard. I put my hands to my ears and screamed until I went under once again.

I woke up and there was so much pain. My body felt as if I'd been hit by a truck, though there were no visible injuries.

A nurse came in to look me over. "Almost lost you, sweetheart. Had to pump you full of Narcan and Ativan to get that heart started and even again."

"I wish you hadn't," I whispered. "How long was I gone?"

"Just a couple of minutes."

I tried to stand up but it hurt so bad.

The nurse eased me back into a laying position. "You need to stay here. You have to talk to Dr. Li."

"No, thanks." No more doctors... Just no more.

"Sorry," she said. "Protocol."

My phone started to ring and the nurse was nice enough to bring my bag to me. I should have ignored Ana, but I was suddenly heartbroken at the prospect of not hearing her voice. I just couldn't tell her what had happened... I didn't want anyone to know. I knew it was possible everyone would find out soon regardless, because even in my little sleepy town, a story was a story. I hoped it didn't come to that.

I didn't stay on the phone with her for long; I couldn't stand to. I wanted more than anything right now to be near her and Seth and I was stuck alone in this fucking hospital bed. I drifted to sleep once more, angry and craving.

Dr. Li came after awhile. He was short and thin and wore large glasses on his strangely boyish face. "Hello, Ms. Collins," he greeted.

I just watched him. I had zero desire to be psycho-analyzed.

"Not up to talking just yet? I could come back..."

I sat up, grinding my teeth through the aches and started pulling clothes from my bag.

He sighed. "You know, I've read some about you since last night." He opened his briefcase and pulled out a few tabloid magazines that had picked up on me in LA and New York. "You're a very interesting case."

"Person," I corrected. "I'm not a case, I'm a human being."

"My mistake," he said as he wrote something. "I'm assuming there's no chance of you going to a rehab, even though you're one of my only patients that can actually afford a decent one." He ripped a page from his prescription pad and set it on my bedside table. "So here's some antidepressants. They'd probably work much better if you weren't on other drugs." He paused at the doorway and looked at me. "You're in the news today."

I squeezed my eyes shut, rolled over, and screamed into my pillow. I wasn't ready for this. I didn't want to face the world and all of its cruelties... But this was being alive.

I got dressed and walked out of the hospital without a word. I went next door to a Comac store and bought cigarettes after perusing the magazines; that doctor had been a dirty ass liar. I was off the radar now for magazines that weren't metal based.

I got the bathroom key from the clerk and hid in there for awhile. My phone was almost dead, but I had enough juice to call for a cab. I searched my name online with the remaining two percent and nothing I hadn't already seen popped up. My secret was safe for now.

It was illegal to smoke in here but it was either that or stand in the freezing cold. I stared at the trash, wanting to throw my phone in before I peaced out but that wasn't a good idea. I tossed my cigarette butt into the toilet, splashed some water on my face and took a good hard look at my reflection.

I decided right then that this hadn't happened. No one knew and no one would. I shoved it down. Put on my mask. Left the tiny bathroom and chilled in a cab, then boarded my plane.

This whole experience was to be buried deep inside where it belonged, left to fester and rot my insides.


	9. Entombed

9\. Entombed

(Seth)  
Day two of my bender. Day one of what had become a pretty epic party at my... or Liz's... house. It was Ana's idea to try to cheer me up - she said if I was going to drink, I should drink with my friends - but I wasn't having fun. I was caught in a loop in my head, feeling guilty for taking a life, to aching for my Elizabeth to come home, to guilt about worrying about my own mundane problems when I had _taken a life._ Around and around I spun.

The worst part was, there was no way to make it better. You couldn't un-kill someone. I'd made the decision that I made because I had to... but that didn't make it sit well with me.

The stuff with Liz was another thing that I couldn't make better. _She_ could, but that felt more and more unlikely. I tried to imagine a scenario where I somehow found out that she really had cheated on me, tried to picture myself reacting. I don't think I'd ever had such frightening thoughts before. We'd been through some things, but this? I couldn't take it.

It took quite a bit of alcohol to get me drunk, and I had to drink in regular intervals to keep the buzz. My body just burned through it so quickly. My mind was getting a little too clear, so I chugged liquor and settled in.

The world was pretty spinny when I felt someone sit down next to me. I was in the basement slash music room and I'd been alone until then. The scent was familiar, but I couldn't really place it and I was being lazy about opening my eyes.

"Uh, hey Seth."

I blinked a few times. She sounded like a distant memory and her face was all fuzzy. "Hey?"

"I thought you didn't drink," she said. I knew that voice; it was Megan. I hadn't thought of her in what felt like a lifetime.

There was something familiar playing upstairs and I listened to it for a long moment. "Dingoes Ate My Baby!" I said, proud of myself.

"Are you okay, Seth?"

"From Buffy," I tried to explain.

"The show?" she asked.

"Yeah." I was making slow connections in my brain, but they wouldn't come out of my mouth.

"Do you need help upstairs?"

She sounded so concerned, it made me laugh. "No. I live here." And there wasn't enough alcohol in the world to keep me from being able to walk.

She gasped. "This is Liz Collins' house... You're dating Liz Collins?!"

I was about to answer her when I ended up on my feet instead. One breath, one deep amazing breath and she was all over the room, all inside of me. I forgot about the girl on the couch and fixed my eyes at the mouth of the staircase.

"Someone say my name?" she called as she came down.

I was stuck in place, frozen to the floor with my mouth ridiculously hanging open as she sauntered over to my side. Taking her in was redirecting all of the blood flow in my body and I was almost scared I'd pass out.

"Hey," she smiled up at me.

My grin was too big and too goofy. "Hey."

"I'll leave you two alone," an annoyed Megan said, reminding me she had been there at all.

"God, babe. Look at you..." So incredibly beautiful. I'd been dying to drown in the pools of her eyes for too long now, waited what felt like an eternity to study every little freckle that sprinkled her cheeks and nose.

She ran her fingers through her hair - much longer than when she'd last been here, almost to her waist - and peered downwards, away from my scrutiny. "I had to freshen up aboard the plane. I feel kind of gross."

I threw my arms around her and held her to me as tightly as I could without making it impossible for her to breathe. I sniffed her like an animal and didn't even care that it was odd. I kissed her softly, then scooped her up and sat back on the couch with her.

She snuggled into me and remained silent as I ran one hand down her hair and arm, over and over. We fell asleep like that.

I woke up in the morning alone. I was immediately certain that I had just been dreaming last night, and the thought left me devastated. I dashed up the stairs and straight to the bathroom, slowly realizing that her scent was everywhere; she was really here.

Or... had been. I searched the areas of the house where I might find her and she was nowhere to be seen. Then my ears pricked at the sound of her laugh. I ran outside and she was far out in the yard as mushy snow feel from the ground.

She was hula hooping. She had her eyes closed and this huge smile on her face as her hips circled rhythmically, chest rising and falling evenly as the ring swung and swung around her. She suddenly opened her eyes and spotted me. She threw her arms up, the hoop dropped and she bowed dramatically before I darted out to her.

I knocked her down but caught and guided her gently to the ground. "You look like you're having so much fun," I told her.

She spread out and tried to make a snow angel, but this snow was too wet for that, so she scooted back over and laid her head on my shoulder. "An angel," she kind of laughed to herself. "Honey, I'm freezing."

"Let's get a shower." There was a second of hesitation right after I said it where I wondered for the billionth time if she'd screwed around on me a few nights ago. "Where were you the other night?"

I stood up with her in my arms, holding her close to my chest so she'd warm up. "Could we save that conversation for a later date?" she asked, pressing her cheek against me.

That was so dissatisfying that I literally stopped in my tracks for a moment.

"Please?" she said. She reached up and wrapped her arms around my throat, then swung her legs free and dropped back to the ground so she cold try dragging me towards the house by my hand.

I wanted so badly to push it. I wanted to know exactly what was going on... but at the same time I didn't. More than anything, I wanted to enjoy this moment because I never knew when she'd up and disappear on me again. "Fine," I finally gave in and started back to the house behind her.

I towered over her form as she cleaned up under the fall of the water. I looked at this tiny, beautiful woman that I loved more than anything in the world and couldn't believe how angry I was at her. Still, she was naked and soaking wet and my eyes were traveling on their own.

She wore a smirk on her lips. "You know, your face says pissed off, but your dick on the other hand..."

I just raised my eyebrows at her.

She stared at me evenly as she rinsed her hair, then stepped just out of reach of the water. "I'm getting out," she said.

My heart sank a little and I caught her arm. "Wait."

She flinched in pain and I looked at the skin that I'd just gripped in my hand. She had a small needle prick mark, accompanied with a bruise that I hadn't noticed before. She usually had a few bruises on her body because she was always clumsily banging a limb into something.

She lowered her arm slowly. "I had to go to the hospital and they gave me an IV."

I turned the shower off, stepped out and wrapped her towel around her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine..." her eyes darted a bit and she stepped around me. "Let's go sit down."

I got dressed when we made it back to our room, but she just moved her towel from her body to her hair and lounged on the bed. I was pretty sure she was going to explain and I wasn't sure we could have a conversation while she was naked, so I threw her one of my t-shirts that she loved to sleep in. "Tell me what happened."

"Not much to tell. Partied a bit too hard, had to go to the hospital." Her voice held a hint of finality.

I knew there had to be more but I wasn't going to force it out of her. She was here and she was okay, but I didn't know if _we_ were okay. "What's the deal with you and that singer?"

Her eyes snapped up to meet mine. "That's what you were talking about?" Then she started to laugh. "Crazy boy... thinking I would ever want anyone else. Have you seen you?"

I just stared at her, awestruck. I knew she was being honest, and laughing about it was the last thing I would have expected.

She sat up and pulled the towel off of her head, shaking her hair out so that it spread, parted around her face. "Look, I get why you don't trust me in certain ways, but I would never cheat on you."

The relief I felt was so intense I had to lay down. I also felt like an idiot... but at least she wasn't angry with me for thinking it. "I'm sorry. I saw that video of you rubbing your ass all over him..."

"I was rolling and just had to dance. But I'm sorry, too. I can imagine if I saw you with someone else like that." She slung a leg over me and sat looking down at my face. "I think I'd kill someone."

My hands turned to fists beside me.

"What's wrong?" She curled her fingers around my hands. "What did I say?"

I couldn't think about that right now. I moved my hands to her hips and pushed her down into me, hard. She started to breathe my name when my my lips devoured hers hungrily. The loose shirt she wore gave my hands access to every inch of her creamy skin. She tore my shirt from over my head and then started easing my pants down until I could kick them off.

She was overwhelming to me, every single time. Liz preferred real drugs, but the only substance I needed a fix of was her. I was addicted and I was never going to quit.

She put both hands on my chest and wound her legs around my shoulders, locking her feet behind my head. She used her weight to flip both of us to our sides, then surprised me by sliding down onto my full length. She started to move when I gripped her tight to me.

"Easy, babe. It's been awhile." I wanted to enjoy every single slow second of this that I could manage.

She started to tug at her shirt and I helped her pull it off. She started to move again, soft and slow with an edge that told me she was holding back. The tips of our noses touched as I lost myself in the blue of her eyes. She kissed me and my reaction was to flip her over onto her back, legs still hooked behind my head. She gasped and I wanted to hear more.

Things were starting to get loud when we heard a knock at the door, six frantic raps against the wood.

Liz put her hands to her face. "Go away!" she yelled, panting heavily. She was squeezing me with her legs, teasing me by just barely moving me in and out.

I drove in deep and put my mouth to her throat.

"Who the fuck is in there?!" Ana's voice yelled. "I swear Seth, I will break this fucking door down - "

"Ana, it's me!" Liz yelled. "Now fuck off for a little bit."

"Oh my god!" Ana yelled excitedly. I could hear her pressing her hands to the door. "Liz! I'm so glad you're home!"

"Me too! And thanks for having my back!"

"Liz..." I was balls deep and she was having a conversation with someone else.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly.

My mood was kind of ruined and I could feel the same thing from her. She probably wanted to go see Ana now... so I reluctantly pulled out. "Tonight," I said.

She kissed me. "And tomorrow, and the next day..."


	10. Blew

10\. Blew

"I woke up in the hospital and had that weird conversation with you, slept some more and dipped out again." I spread my arms a little. "And here I am."

"Wow. Are you okay? Like, do you feel alright?" Ana swirled the marshmallows around in her mug as she looked me over carefully."

"When it happened... when I was actually dead, I felt peaceful. I took a look at my life and it kind of sucked, but I didn't care at all. Coming back was like being ripped into a million pieces."

"Does it still feel like that?"

"No. This sounds weird and I'm not even sure how to describe it, but I feel different. I feel strong. It's like I came back connected to something bigger than me."

She smiled. "You're right, that does sound weird."

I took a mini marshmallow onto the tip of my finger and placed it gently onto the tip of her nose. "Who's the weirdo now?!"

She tried to lick it off and her tongue wouldn't reach, so I licked it off for her. "Still you, nose licker."

"I lick noses, but Ana sucks dicks," I sang.

She laughed. "Only one dick now!"

I put my feet on the floor and started spinning my chair around. "How long do you think the guys will be gone?"

"You know Seth isn't going to stay away long."

I sighed and spun once more to face her. "I have to show you something."

She followed me to my room and leaned against the dresser. "What is all of this?" she motioned towards the boxes in my floor.

"Mom over-nighted them to me. Just..." I started picking through the boxes. "Random shit I got on tour." I pulled some shirts out of one box and found an assortment of books underneath, some of them published and some of them handwritten notebooks that fans had given me.

She gasped as she picked up one of the t-shirts. "You saw 3QD again?!"

"YES and it was awesome," I gloated. "We drank a bunch of moonshine. You can have that if you want it," I pointed at the shirt.

"Cut it up for me?" she asked sweetly.

I winked at her before turning to my stash box. "Look at all of these beauties," I said as I unwrapped a gallon sized freezer bag full of potent mushrooms.

"Ooooh," she said, eyes wide. "We should eat some!"

I eyed the bag harshly. "I don't know..." What if I had a really horrible trip? I felt fine but I wasn't sure exploring my psyche was a good call so soon after a traumatic experience.

"Are you scared?"

"Kind of. On the other hand... " I raised my eyebrows at the bag, willing it to give me anything but an experience that broke me. "Chocolate bars, tea, or just chew these fucking things up and down them?"

"We're short on time. Let's eat these bitches raw."

The come up was quick and it felt _good._ We played our music loud, danced, laughed, rolled around like weirdos. We were riding this wave of amazing that was all shapes and colors and love. We were in the house the whole time but we were being taken to places far beyond our physical location.

We were sitting in the floor in my room flipping through a few of the books that were stacked in my boxes. "Look at this," she said, holding a notebook out to me.

The writing was hard to decipher; many pages were written in cross-hatch, frontwards backwards, sideways, different colored inks... it looked kind of like a jumbled mess. There were a ton of pentagrams going on and what I actually could read was in Latin. "Weird," I finally said, closing the book. "Hey, you know what we should do? We should build a fire in the backyard."

"How? It's too wet."

"We can go buy some wood," I suggested, though I really didn't want to leave.

"I have a better idea."

She drove us the ten minutes or so to her and Josh's house, both of us bopping around in out seats while we jammed Gorillaz. I had a moment where I thought about what would happen if we got pulled over which resulted in a little bit of cop rage, and then I was right back to feeling great.

"Wow," I said when we got into the house. "Nice." Josh had been spending what time he had renovating their already nice home. The kitchen sparkled with brand new floor tiles and marble countertops, along with brand new cherry-wood cabinets.

"He's still working on the living room, but it shouldn't be too much longer."

"Dude, I'm totally coming over and getting in your hot tub before it gets all jizzed up."

"Good luck!" she laughed. She led me over to the remnants of a wood stove that was being replaced and beside of it, a nice pile of dry wood that we could burn. "Jackpot."

"He won't care if we steal this?"

"I'll replace it. He'll be glad I chose this over going to the store with UFO eyes."

When we got back to the house, we grabbed some things from the house and then headed out back to build a fire. While Ana got the gasoline from my crawl space, I went back in and grabbed the notebook I'd been studying earlier. I threw our shitty patio chairs down from the deck before going back downstairs and dragging them closer to the soon to be fire.

Ana poured some gas on the logs and backed away while I struck the match. It took me a moment to actually throw it onto the logs... it was mesmerizing to me.

The fire roared to life and we settled into our chairs. "You still looking at that?" Ana asked, pointing at the book I held.

"I thing I'm going to need another notebook just to decipher this one."

"Hold on, I'll get you one," she said. I thanked her as she walked away.

I turned my attention back to the licking flames once she was gone. Just looking at it was making me feel strange and fluttery inside and I wanted so badly to touch it... so I did. Rising from my chair, my hands were actually shaking. I held my right hand over the fire, high at first and then dangerously low.

It didn't burn.

I rolled my sleeve back and held my whole arm over the fire, and still it did not burn me. I jerked my arm back and examined the skin - I had no visible injury. The only sign the fire had left behind was it's warmth on my flesh. I plunged my hand right into the heart of the fire and felt no pain.

"What are you doing?" Ana yelled from far behind me.

"Just stoking it," I responded as I pulled my hand out and looked it over once again. Either something very fucking weird was happening, or these mushrooms were out of this damn world.

She handed me a brand new notebook and a pen, and I settled back into my chair, sitting awkwardly to prop both books up. I started trying to pick the lines that went together and write them down, but it wasn't proving easy at all.

"Look," Ana said, pointing high into the sky. Against the background of the nearly setting sun, you could plainly make out the alignment of planets on the horizon; Jupiter in the southwestern sky, Mars due south, Saturn climbing in the southeast, Venus to it's lower left, and lastly Mercury hanging low in the twilight.

"What the fucking hell?" I said. As soon as I studied the sky, I remembered what this phenomena was called and in the same moment realized that I had just read it in the first page of this odd book. "Harmonica concursum," I breathed aloud. "Harmonic convergence."

"Ah, we picked the perfect night for tripping and didn't even realize it."

I picked my phone up and started translating lines of Latin to English. I'd taken it back in high school but I still couldn't read half of this. "Listen to this shit. 'First she will command the serpents, then the fire, water, air. She will pierce the skies with her call, she will open Hell when the fury overtakes her'." I slammed the book shut because it was freaking me out.

"You've got some pretty imaginative fans, Liz." Ana picked up one of the guitars we'd brought and started strumming, so I joined in.

We rode the rest of our trip out like that, playing music and singing or dancing around the fire until the last ember died. We were packing up our little party when Seth and Josh finally arrived home. They helped us carry everything back to it's rightful place, and then the couples parted ways.

If I had considered how the rest of my night would go, the transcript would have been pretty normal; hang out with Seth, probably have sex deep into the night, pass out until morning. I didn't expect it when our quiet evening took a turn.

Seth was sitting outside with me while I stared off and contemplated space when his phone rang. I glanced over and saw 'Charlie' on the screen and before I could hear a word from either side, I knew there was trouble brewing.

The conversation took a nose dive pretty quickly. "She literally got home last night," Seth was saying into the phone. "She hasn't done anything wrong. Charlie, I swear to you, if you cross the line and start harassing her I will go to the state police about it."

I snatched his phone away from his hand. "You want me, Charlie Swan? Come and fucking get me." I hit the end button and started back towards the house.

"Liz!" Seth yelled angrily. "What are you thinking?!"

I darted down the hall and banged on the wall. "Dope sweep!" I called to Ana. She emerged with a box designed to look like a novel by Kurt Vonnegut, Hocus Pocus. I had made this for her years and years ago. "This it?"

"Yeah. What's going on?"

She started towards my room with me. "I poked the bear," I explained. "He's going to learn not to fuck with me, and the lesson begins today. SETH! JOSH!" I piled our boxes and various bongs I had into a large garbage bag. "I'd do this myself but I have a feeling you guys dig a pretty bitching hole a lot faster than I can. Go far, go deep, and do not forget where you bury it."

They were already gone when Ana said, "Oh, shit," and pulled about a half of a joint out of her pocket.

"Smoke it or eat it, quick. Are you sure you don't have anything else?" I'd take another possession charge if I had to, but I wouldn't like it.

We puffed it down until it was empty paper which we discarded in our ashtray outside. We sprayed the house down like crazy with Febreze, and then we waited for the knock to come.

"Chief," I greeted.

"Collins," he said with a nod. "Where's your stash?"

"I invited you over. How dumb do you think I am?" I shook my head at him - this was a fun game.

"Dumb enough to smoke pot pretty recently, by the smell of things."

"There's no dope in this house."

"Mind if I look around a bit?" he asked, already on his way to do just that. He hit my room first; it was closest to the front door. I was still in the living room, giggling with Ana as he rummaged through my things and then he yelled, "Is this a bong?!"

We exchanged that "oh shit" look - had I really forgotten a whole fucking bong in my room? There was no way... I walked to the doorway of my room, and it was in that moment that I witnessed Charlie Swan, chief of police and all-around hard ass, standing there holding my blue vibrating dildo.

I started to _howl_ with laughter, pulled out my phone and snapped a picture of him. I took a moment to gather myself and then crossed the room. I reached my hand to the bottom of Mr. Blue and flicked the switch, and it started to buzz wildly in his hand. Recognition and then disgusted terror lit his features.

"Gaaaahhhh!" he screamed as he flung my vibrator to the floor. It laid there pulsing as he pushed past me and ran - literally ran - out of my home.

"Aw, come on Charlie! Mr. Blue's not so scary!" I yelled after him, but he was in his car and speeding away already.

Ana and I were dying laughing. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt quite so light with humor. She high-fived me after a bit and sat down in the floor, holding her sides. "Should we have them bring our stuff back now?"

"Not yet," I told her as I looked at the picture on my phone. "He may come back, or get someone else to. Wait until he finds out that I have this, and then I doubt he'll mess with me anymore."

"You're like an evil genius," she complimented.

I winked at her. "Thanks."


	11. Fame

11\. Fame

We were all sitting around the table enjoying spiked coffee and a game of poker that I was kicking ass at when Boggs called. "Satellite radio interview in about... ten minutes," he said.

I blanched. "Thanks for the heads up," I replied sarcastically. I hung up the phone and swigged what had turned from coffee to pure Bailey's. "Apparently, I have an interview."

Ana eyed me as she dealt to all but me. "No warning? And he gets mad at you when you say crazy shit in interviews."

I was already started towards the door when my phone started ringing again. I had expected to be given a moment, but instead I answered my phone on live radio. LIVE. I swallowed a lump in my throat and lit a cigarette nervously.

"Liz Collins!" I was greeted by a voice I didn't recognize. "You're the newest victim on Ambush Interviews! Are you ready for this?"

"Um... I guess. Do or die, right?"

"Do or die, indeed. Now, here's the deal. We have fifteen minutes, I ask you questions and you give me answers. Got it?"

"Sure," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Now Liz, you don't have a Twitter account, do you?" he was talking like a guy at an auction house, every word running straight into the next.

"I do not," I answered.

"Well since almost everyone else does, some of our questions will be fan questions! Let's dive right in, Liz. We heard a little something about you yesterday after Loudwire interviewed Marilyn Manson. Have you seen it?"

I swallowed again; this lump wasn't going away. "Nope."

"What is your opinion on Marilyn Manson? Are you a fan, not really your style, do you fucking hate him?"

I laughed. "I love Manson."

"Favorite album?" he volleyed back immediately.

"Portrait Of An American Family, currently."

"Good choice," he complimented. "Let me play this byte from yesterday." The recording started and a reporter was asking Manson who he'd want on tour with him... and he said my band. Marilyn FREAKING Manson! "So, would you consider touring with them?"

"Fuck yes, I'd consider it." I was still in shock.

He laughed. "F bombs and all, guys. Does your band have any plans coming up as far as touring, recording, anything like that?"

"We _just_ wrapped up a tour at the end of last week. I'm sure we'll be back in the studio soon, but we all need a little time to wind down and be at home. Back to real life."

"Are you close with the other members of your band? Have you all kept in touch since going home?"

I hated having to lie on the spot... So I didn't. "We're all close. We're also spread throughout the country so when we're not working we get space from each other."

"Who would you say is your closest friend within the band?"

Fuckers. That was a rude question and they knew it. That's why they asked it live, so I'd have to answer. "My relationship with each of them is different, I guess, but I love them all equally," I said, hoping that would be sufficient. The real answer was Joe; we went way back and he was my fucking homie. Bradley was cool, but he acted his age - which was nineteen. John was a dick sometimes.

"Nice dodge," he complimented. "We're going to use the last few minutes for Twitter questions. At DFD two two three says, Liz, what are you wearing right now?"

Really? "Ummm... I'm wearing pants and like five shirts and a big ass hoodie, because it's January."

"No nipple tape at home, huh?" he laughed. "At one more again posted the question, where did you go? You disappeared."

"I live in a small town and I've been chilling at home for the most part. But I'll be back... at some point."

"At beautiful disaster five oh five nine asks what are your biggest musical influences, and what is you favorite album?"

"Well, favorites are really difficult to me. I listen to so much different stuff and switch around so often. Lately, I've been listening to a lot of the stuff that originally made me want to get into rock n' roll, like Deftones, Manson, Korn, Acid Bath, Superjoint... but I go through periods of time where all I listen to is Nirvana and Joy Division and The Animals, or like, nothing but Townes Van Zandt, Dax Riggs, Noah Gundersen and Bowie... I'm kind of all over the place musically. Today I've been listening to Deftones Saturday Night Wrist and Massive Attack's Heligoland and it's been fu - I mean, it's been mind blowing."

"We only have time for one more question, so at titty lover oh nine wants to know if you really super-heroed some kid named Tate, and if you're single."

I giggled. "Yes to the first, no to the second."

He made a whistling sound. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"Someone... very special and very secret."

"Great interview with some very honest - and some very vague - answers from the one and only Liz Collins, singer and guitar player of Desperate Attempt everyone." Everybody in the studio clapped and I was turned over to a show producer who told me they'd be sending me some shirts before we hung up.

"What are you wearing?" Seth mimicked from behind, making me jump. "People are ridiculous."

I spun around and let my eyes roam up and down his form. Even fully clothed, you could see the sharp lines of his muscles. "We should get out of here for a few days. Rent a cabin or something."

That definitely piqued his interest. He moved closer to me, put his hands on my hips. "Just me and you, no distractions..."

My phone started to ring again.

"Like that," he said. He kissed me and then stepped back about a foot.

"Hi, Moira." I was trying not to sound grouchy; the timing wasn't her fault.

"Hello, honey. How have you been?" Moira was my manager and one of the nicest people I knew. She was in her fifties and rock and metal were definitely not her scene, but she was good at her job and often came across as motherly to me. I was pretty sure if anything ever offed me, she'd be more upset than my actual mother.

"Pretty good. Glad to be home. How are you?"

"Getting older but hanging on," she laughed. "I just got a call from Paul Bannister, a Seattle based manager. He had an offer for you."

"I don't want a different manager." And I didn't.

"That wasn't the offer. He's offering you a spot at a Noah Gundersen show. An acoustic set. He said you're more than welcome to bring a band but that the atmosphere is intimate, so singer-songwriter and folk music. Interested?"

I made a squeaky excited noise. "Wow! Awesome, sign me up."

"Great, thank you Elizabeth," she said happily. "I'll talk to you soon and I'll email you all the details."

"Thanks, Moira. Bye." I jumped up onto Seth and moved my lips against his for a few incredible moments before hopping down and running inside. "ANA!" I yelled. "Do a show with me!"

The next morning, I woke to sunlight streaming onto my face from the large window of an unfamiliar room. I was so warm and cozy wrapped up in all of these blankets, but I rolled myself free of them and dragged my ass out of bed. I pulled on a white fleece robe and some fuzzy slippers before making my way down the stairs to the kitchen.

"Mmmmm," I said as I inhaled the scent of the room. Eggs, bacon, gravy, and biscuits were positioned like a Better Homes and Gardens spread on the table and my mouth was watering.

"I was going to bring you breakfast in bed," Seth said as he popped a couple of biscuits on a plate.

"We can still do that if you want." I wandered over to the huge kitchen window and put my knees on the seat in front of it. We were high in the Cascade Mountains and the landscape outside was so intensely beautiful, like a snowy scene from a Thomas Kincade.

"You look pretty comfortable over here," he said as he set a loaded plate in front of me and slipped a fork into my hand.

"You're the best," I smiled. "Thank you for breakfast."

"Figured I owed you for giving up your phone for a few days."

"I don't mind not having my phone... I prefer a few quiet days with you." Though honestly, with no one else in this house with us, things hadn't been quiet except for the five or so hours I'd spent sleeping.

"Is this becoming a thing with us? We can only have sex in rooms that aren't ours?" he joked.

I rolled my eyes. "Once Josh and Ana go back to living at their house..." It's fucking on. Having sex in a house with other people in it is a challenge; having sex in a house with a werewolf - and not wanting them to hear everything - is impossible.

"I know," he smiled. Then his eyes abruptly darkened and his gaze dropped quickly to his plate.

"What's going on with you?" I finally asked. Seth was being Seth, but he kept having these little moments where I could see something negative hit him.

"Nothing, baby." He took a few more bites but he was visibly shaken.

I tried not to be a pushy person, I really did. But it drove me INSANE to feel like I was out of the loop, especially when it came to Seth. "Please talk to me."

"Are you finished?" He pointed towards my plate. His forehead was scrunched in too serious a manner and it was freaking hot. I nodded and he took both plates to the sink. He started to busy himself with cleaning up when I began to pout.

"Babe..."

"You're not the only one allowed to have secrets," he snapped.

It really caught me off guard. I'd traded words with people that were a million times worse, but coming out of Seth's mouth, it sounded so harsh and mean.

I walked over to the sink full of dirty dishes and placed each of them into the dishwasher silently. I started up the load and went back upstairs in search of my most recent poetry slash lyrics notebook. _"Soaking in the sun with you is so divine. Anger would be such a waste of time. Pour your secrets into me when you need an ear. We can lie in pitch black where there's nothing to fear."_ I drew little swirls and loop-de-loops around the four lines I'd written.

"I'm sorry," I heard his soft voice from behind.

"I am, too." He came over and sat down in front of me. "When I don't tell you something, it's because it's embarrassing, or I know it will hurt you. But I don't want to be that person that hides things."

"I don't either," he said, placing his hand on my knee.

"So..." I figured I'd take the initiative on this one and come clean first, but I was dreading it. "When I was in West Virginia - "

"Wait. Is this about you and that guy?"

"Kobe?" I asked, confused. "No, you mean Chino."

"Who the hell is Kobe?!"

"He's my friend. Just... no, it has nothing to do with any guy. It was just me." It was hard for me to pick at the details that led to my death. "So like, early in the day, I was given this myriad of substances to keep. And I did a little ecstasy around five o'clock. Rolled and had a good time for a few hours before I had to perform. I went back to Mom's for a little bit but I couldn't sleep, so I walked down to the Main Street Tavern with what I thought was some coke. I did a line of it and realized... I'd made a little mistake with identifying my shit."

He looked totally clueless as to where I could be headed with this.

"It started to hit me really weird and I went outside. Puked all over the place, and then I faded out."

"You passed out in the street?"

I sighed and braced for impact. "I didn't pass out. Well, I mean, I did at first. But then my heart stopped. They had to revive me in the ambulance. I was dead for a few minutes."

He just stared at me, anger and concern flashing intensely behind his eyes. "I don't even know what to say, Liz."

"Probably something like, Liz you're a fucking idiot?"

"Something like that," he grumbled. "Except I know you're not an idiot. You just act like one sometimes."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Do you feel okay?" He picked me up as gingerly as he could and placed me into his lap.

"I feel great," I promised. "Like nothing even happened." That part wasn't completely true. I felt better than I had in a long time, and I was like ninety nine percent sure I had stuck my hand into fire without burning it, but that was too weird to say out loud. Not a secret, just a possible hallucination.

He sighed and laid me down on the bed as he got up. He pulled the curtains closed until there was barely any light left in the room and he laid down next to me. "I killed someone."


	12. I'll Be Here In The Morning

12\. I'll Be Here In The Morning

Some things change on their own; seasons transform, days turn to nights, the flow of nature running it's course.

Some things are jarred into change. You're going about your business and life just hits you with something, a new beginning, a slide in another direction. Some changes are visible in you appearance, some can only be seen by those closest to you, those who can see your insides. Some changes can't be seen at all.

I was changing. I was a girl risen of the ashes of what she once was, not a rebirth but a revival. I felt happy. I felt like I'd woken from a nightmare that had been my entire existence. I was me, refashioned.

The only time I felt the same as I used to was at night when I would dream. The dreams weren't just frightening, they were heart furiously pounding, screaming in my sleep dreams. Something in me was still broken, but I didn't feel it when I was awake. There were no snakes, no fire to consume me in my waking hours.

I was doing well, despite my night terrors. I wrote and I played with my dog. I read and reread beautiful words from my favorite authors and poets that touched my soul. I was silly with my friends and loving with my man. I was vibrant and alive.

I'd take the nightmares in exchange if I had to.


	13. Heartbreaker

13\. Heartbreaker

(Seth)  
"I can't remember the last time you smiled at me like that," I said as I laid my head down on her chest.

She giggled. "Sometimes I forget how well you can see in the dark."

"I'm glad that I can." I rolled to the side and pulled her into me. "Still having nightmares?" I asked, knowing that she was. I had to wake her up every night while she screamed in her sleep. Sometimes she would grab at her clothes yelling about snakes.

"Yeah." She shrugged. "It's okay, though."

"You seem a lot happier lately."

"Maybe I am," she replied with a sleepy smile. "Being close to you has that effect on me."

"Being close to you is incredible." She knew I didn't just mean physically. She had the tendency to close up in her shell sometimes, but she'd been an open book lately. I wanted things to stay that way. "You excited for tomorrow?"

"Mostly," she replied. "I'm a little nervous, too. I can't remember the last time I had to perform without my band, without metal. This is so much more intimate." She pushed the blanket down and sat up, her bare skin illuminated from behind by the moon. "It feels like being naked in front of everyone."

I pushed strands of her hair behind her shoulders to get a better look. "Let them see you," I told her. "You don't have to be afraid."

A small smile played at her lips. "I'm afraid of what they'll see."

"I like what I see."

"Not everyone's eyes are as forgiving as yours."

"Not everyone's are as harsh as yours," I countered. I couldn't understand what she was scared of. "You're so incredible and you don't even see it. Just being near you is like... free falling and not knowing what you're going to land on."

"Sounds... exciting and really fucking scary." A smile crept across her features. "I think I like that."

"I definitely do."

She touched my face gently and ran her hand slowly down. I could hear her pulse quicken, her breath hitch. I could see her heart pounding furiously. Her hand hit just below my belly button and I grabbed her wrist. Her eyes snapped up to meet mine, but I caught her face and pulled her down to me.

"If we're doing it again, we're going slower this time. Fuck what they hear."

She gasped when my mouth found hers.

I stood at the edge of the stage watching her in absolute awe. She was such a presence in any setting, but she'd been right about this being much more intimate. She was baring all tonight and the atmosphere was charged with emotion because of it.

"Don't cry, dude," Josh whispered to me.

I shot him a look. "Shut up."

There was this guy standing really close to us and he'd been staring up at my girlfriend for the past hour or so with stars in his eyes. I hadn't paid much attention to him until I caught him giving Josh and I a death glare. When Liz and Ana wrapped up their set and thanked the audience, they both sat at the edge of the stage and lowered themselves down to the floor. The guy immediately got up in Liz's face, telling her that he was her biggest fan ever and providing intimate details about why he loved her and her music so much. He seemed like a total creep to me, but she stood there graciously, listening to this guy gush over her.

He touched her shoulder while they were talking and she visibly stiffened up, uncomfortable with the contact. I stepped closer, but Ana had noticed it as well.

"Sorry bud, but I need a moment with Liz," she said to him. She didn't give him time to object, she just hooked her arm around Liz's and they walked off together, first backstage to put their guitars away and then to Josh and I. "Let's go outside for a few minutes."

I leaned my back against the rough brick outside of the venue and just watched Liz. Everyone out here was huddled against the building, under the small bit of roof overhang to be out of the snow. They were smoking and talking and being boring. Liz was out on the sidewalk, a cigarette in one hand and a huge smile on her face as she held it upwards to catch the snowflakes on her skin. Music started playing from inside and she danced and twirled.

She was this really beautiful type of weird.

Ana cleared her throat and nudged me, bringing me back down to earth. She nodded her head to the side and that creepy guy from inside was there, by himself and pressed close to the shadows as he stared at Liz. I was a firm believer in intuition, especially my own and this guy was shooting off warning alarms all through me.

"Baby," I called, my eyes snapping back over to her. She pranced over and laid a kiss to my lips.

"You know, I really like Seattle. We should come stay out here some time and hang out with Leah and Embry, see the sights... all that fun stuff."

I was listening to her but I was watching Creepazoid. He was staring at us. I could see Liz out of the corner of my eye as she turned to see what I was staring at. She turned back to me and placed an ice cold hand to my cheek before she stood on her tip-toes to kiss me again.

"Come on," she said, wrapping her arm around me. My eyes didn't leave the guy, and his eyes didn't leave her as we walked past to go back inside.

"The fuck is up with that dude?" Ana asked once the door had shut behind us.

"I'm a weirdo magnet," Liz shrugged. "I'm going for beer, anybody want anything?"

Ana and Josh nodded. "I'll come with you," I said.

She smiled up at me. "You don't have to be my bodyguard all the time, honey. I promise, I can make it from here to the bar and back without assistance." She bounced up and kissed my cheek before skipping away. She got stopped twice on her way there by people wanting pictures, and just as she put her elbows on the bar and leaned towards the bartender to order, weird guy swooped in again.

I started making my way through the room as she stood there listening to him awkwardly, glancing towards the bartender.

"Is that guy you're with your boyfriend?" he was yelling to her over the band.

She simply nodded in return.

"I've heard every interview you've ever done. I figured you just pretended to be in a relationship so guys wouldn't hound you." He laughed and it was like nails on a chalkboard.

I reached them but I didn't say anything, just stood behind her with my hands on her shoulders. He looked up at me, sizing me up. He didn't offer to introduce himself or shake my hand, just stared for a bit and then smiled at Liz again.

"Will you sign my arm? I want to have your signature tattooed on me."

"Uh, okay," she answered. He handed her a marker and she neatly signed his upper right shoulder. Then she handed it back, grabbed our bucket of beer and said goodbye.

"That guy seriously looks like the type that beats off on public transport," I said into her ear as I pulled her closer to my side.

"He looks like he played with himself in the middle of classes back in high school," she joked as she sat down at the table.

"He looks like he strangles all the cats in his neighborhood," Ana joked.

"And all the hookers," Liz added.

"He's coming over here," Josh said, and we all turned to look.

Liz raised an eyebrow at Ana. "Let's go to the bathroom."

They got up just as the guy reached our table and brushed past him without acknowledgement. The guy actually had the balls to just stand there at our table like he intended to wait for her.

"What's your name, dude?" Josh asked loudly.

"Ted," he answered.

"Bundy?" I whispered under my breath.

Josh couldn't help but laugh at me. "I'm Josh, and that's Seth," he said as he shook Ted's hand. "You live around here?"

"Nah, I live a few hours away. I just had to come out and see Liz. I've been to three of her shows before and haven't gotten the chance to meet her until tonight."

"Oh, yeah," Josh said neutrally. "You a big fan?"

"I'm her biggest fan ever," he answered, matter of fact. "I saw her a few years ago online and couldn't believe it when I heard she had a band and an album out. I buy every single magazine I see her in."

I shot a look at Josh whose expression almost mirrored mine.

"I write her record label all the time but I guess they don't pass her mail to her," he continued. Apparently we'd found his favorite subject in the world and he really didn't care to sound like an almost-stalker to her boyfriend - never a good sign. "She just seems so awesome and she's so fucking hot."

"Dude..." Josh said as my fists balled up.

"I think you need to leave," I told him, biting back some of the anger.

He looked kind of shocked. "I'm not leaving. Maybe you should leave."

I almost laughed. I had a good hundred pounds on this guy and he didn't seem intimidated. "If I leave, I'm taking your obsession home with me."

He opened his mouth to say something, then decided better of it and walked away towards the door.

"What the fuck, dude?" Josh laughed deeply. "Get out of here with that shit," he waved once after Ted.

"She's told me about some other ones that freak her out at shows and stuff, but never would I expect some scrawny ass creeper to even think of talking about her like that to me." I shook my head in disbelief.

"Shit, if somebody came to me saying Belle was sexy I'd lay them out just for looking too hard," he chuckled.

"Yeah I don't have that luxury..." I scanned the room with my eyes, trying to find Liz and Ana. They'd been gone at least five minutes. My eyes met his and we both got up wordlessly and made our way outside. The girls were right there, just smoking and talking to each other and Ted was out of sight but I could still smell him.

Liz was mid-sentence when she saw me and her eyes got wide as her lips sealed shut.

"Spent it on what?" Ana asked, unaware of our presence behind her.

"Oh, uh. Just clothes and stuff," Liz replied, smiling at me over Ana's head. She leaned in and whispered into her ear, "Butt plugs. I bought butt plugs."

We all laughed and went back inside together. The band was saying goodbye, and Liz let out a squeal.

"Noah is going to play," she said, her voice caressing his name.

I rolled my eyes as I pushed her chair closer to the table.

Liz called this guys music folk-lullaby. I had heard him before because she played his music, both through speakers and on her guitar, but I had never paid attention quite like this before. Never noticed the way his voice wrapped around each note he plucked, never noticed the quiet strength behind his words. I was impressed.

Liz was staring at him like she was emotionally invested in his performance and he was delivering. I looked at her again as he was singing his final song and she was actually crying, her teeth gnawing at her bottom lip. I committed that to memory; it was so raw and so beautiful.

She got a picture with Noah and thanked him quickly for inviting her to play before we all left. Josh had to work the following morning, so he and Ana had to drive all the way back tonight. Liz and I were staying here for the night, possibly longer. You never knew with her.

It was still snowing as we crossed the large parking lot alone, puffy flakes drifting straight down due to a lack of wind. "I love it when it's warm like this and it snows," she said as she spread her arms wide.

"I think it turns to water before it hits me." It basically just felt like it was raining. She spun once in the light of a streetlamp when I took a breath that smelled like wintergreen Skoal, old Stetson and ass sweat. Ted, from earlier. I sighed. "That guy is back."

She rolled her eyes and then looked around. "I don't see him and would rather avoid him. Want to just run and carry me?"

"Wow, I was sure you'd want me to kick his ass."

She smiled broadly. "Tempting. I don't know what it is but a little bit of violence gets me all hot."

"Oh, babe." I scooped her up and nuzzled her neck, then started running at a steady pace. We passed right by Ted on the way to our motel.


	14. Blood And Thunder

**A/N: Does anyone read this? It's bout to get real up in here.**

14\. Blood And Thunder

I sat in my car staring at the basket in my passenger seat, trying to identify the root of the rock in my gut. I felt nervous, but not the giddy, butterflies in my tummy type of nervous; I felt sick. I felt embarrassed! That one wasn't so familiar to me, but it had it's place today. I swallowed it down, got out of the car and walked to the door.

"Oh, hi Liz!" Emily greeted me with surprised warmth.

"Hi," I said, holding up the basket. Judge it and not me.

"Well come on in, hun," she said, moving aside so that I could enter her home. She offered me coffee as she placed the basket on her kitchen counter.

"They're, um, whole grain. Banana and blueberry."

She lifted the cover and smelled them, smiling. "They're still warm. They look delicious. Thank you for bringing them to me." She offered me a muffin and sat down with another, rubbing her big baby belly.

"Did you ever think you and Leah would be pregnant at the same time?"

"No," she said with a little giggle. "It's nice, though. Now both babies will have a cousin the same age."

I looked at my feet and tried not to cry. I had sworn to myself many times over that I wouldn't let them feel bad for being pregnant after I lost my baby. I didn't want them to pity me, didn't want to dampen their joy about their own families. But sometimes the sting of the memories was just too much and all the hurt I had built up inside of me welled up and fell out of my eyes.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she started to say.

"No, please don't," I said. "This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. Please don't let me ruin a second of that for you." I couldn't look at her for long, couldn't stand the look of sadness directed at me. I wonder if people looked at Seth like this, too.

"I bet Seth is happy that you're home," she finally said, changing the subject.

I snorted. "He and I both."

"When are Josh and Ana moving back home? Is everything finished over there yet?" she asked, her mouth full of muffin.

"Not quite yet. They should be leaving pretty soon, though.."

"Looking forward to them leaving? I imagine you and Seth want some alone time."

I shrugged. "Eh. I like having them there most of the time. Actually, thinking about it now, it's probably going to be kind of boring when they go."

"Hmmm," she thought. "You're home a lot like me."

"I have nowhere to be most of the time."

"You can always come visit me," she replied.

I smiled. "That'd be nice. I should probably make some friends... or hang out with my existing ones that don't live with me, huh?"

"It'd be good for you. I know it's kind of awkward being with someone in the pack and feeling forced to hang out with all of us, but we really are all here for you. You're family now."

I considered. "I'm like the cousin that gets drunk at Thanksgiving," I laughed. "I love you guys, but I'm well aware that there are a lot of things about me that burn bridges with people. Like with Charlie, for instance."

"Don't worry about him." She put her hand gently on my arm. "No one here is judging you. I promise," she lied. "Besides... I think your life is really interesting."

"That it is," I conceded. "Interesting may be an understatement."

"I can't believe Seth imprinted on a rock star." She looked down at her full stomach. "Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if Sam hadn't come into it... the way he did. But I really doubt I would have been doing anything like what you do."

"Do you ever wish that..." I stopped, trying to phrase my question better. "Like, do you ever think that things would have been better if you had ended up with him a little later in life?"

She shook her head. "No, I think things would have just been more complicated. Is that how you feel about Seth?"

I sighed. "He's older than me, and we're a lot different. He wants to get married and have kids and settle down... he's tried to do those things with me and it never works out. I'm not ready, though. I want those things, but first I want to live, and travel and be me. I'm always fighting with myself, every time I get an opportunity to do more with music... I'm always tethered here."

She seemed to be thinking it over. "Seth is in a weird position with you. Everyone in the pack that has imprinted has done it on someone that stays local. But, I'm sure he realizes how young you are. You need to talk to him, explain that you have a life outside of him that you don't want to drop."

I nodded me head. "I will. I just hope it doesn't come out wrong."

Emily offered to have us over for dinner, but I told her to give me a raincheck; I had plans for the short amount of time left before Seth came home. I headed home and grabbed a few things, wishing the whole time that I had extra arms to plug up my ears. Josh and Ana were really going at it and just being here felt wrong.

I went to this graveyard Ana and I had found awhile back. It was old and overgrown, just the right amount of spooky. We'd partied it up a few times and it felt as familiar as my old graveyard from home.

There wasn't a house within a mile of here, and still I felt like someone was peeking at me. This was far out of the way, even for the wolves, so I hoped that it was just my massive paranoia and I wasn't actually being spied on.

I sat down on the steps of a mausoleum, closed my eyes and just breathed. Today felt much more like autumn than winter, and it was surprisingly crisp and clear; no rain so far, though I could feel something brewing in the air.

I opened up my backpack and withdrew a candle, set it aside and lit it. I pulled out the vodka and cracked the lid, taking a full swig. I removed two of my notebooks and one that had been bestowed upon me by someone I couldn't remember, and I started to flip through pages. Last, I pulled out one of my sharpest throwing daggers.

 _"Omnia intra me. Omnia extra me. Effusus circumdabor pelle mea. I vocant vires ut a somno exsuscitem."_ I read the strange words aloud as I sliced my palm open, letting my blood drip freely. Once the words were spoken, nothing happened... until something did.

The sky rumbled, then cracked like a whip as the wind began to stir. Treacherous gray clouds floated in, lightning began to strike the heavens. Raindrops fell in giant globs; I was soaked through in seconds, shivering against the cold.

I started to freak out. I began to gather my things when suddenly, my body jerked upright and stiffened as a current of the lightning seared my insides. I _knew_ I'd been struck; I could see it happening, but it didn't hurt. I felt it, but it wasn't painful.

This didn't seem right. Shouldn't I be dead? Or at the very least, incapable of thought? I was being electrocuted. Fucking struck by lightning. How about those odds?

It was over and I was fine. Or, I at least seemed to be. I looked at my hand as the rain mixed with my blood and washed it away, and the slice began to heal itself.

"Liz!" I suddenly heard from behind. "Elizabeth!" Seth grabbed my shoulders and circled around me. "What are you doing out here?! Have you not noticed the storm?"

"Oh, shit!" I ran back to the mausoleum to salvage my notebooks before they were irreparably damaged by the rain.

"Watch out!" He was by my side in a flash, reaching down just beside of my things. He put his hand down quickly on the top of a rattlesnakes head and picked it up, clamping its jaws shut to avoid being bitten.

I looked between him and the snake skeptically. "You got it?"

"I'll just take it over there," he said, pointing to our left.

"Don't hurt it."

"I won't." He walked away and set the snake down, waiting until the last second to let go of its head before he dashed back over to me. He helped me gather the rest of my things and we ran to the car together. "What were you doing out here?" he asked after sliding into the drivers seat - I was too in my thoughts to drive right now.

"Magic," I replied.


	15. Space Oddity

15\. Space Oddity

"How does it not irritate you?" I asked him as I rubbed my hair dry with an old t-shirt. "I just want to call them and talk shit."

"The Cullens don't inject themselves into human affairs," he repeated.

I rolled my eyes. "That's such a cop out. They could wipe out ISIS in minutes. They could literally save the world. And instead, they what? Repeat high school forever and knock up teenagers? Bullshit."

"ISIS? Since when do you care about stuff like that?"

"You're missing the point!"

He laughed at my expense as he helped peel my soaked shirt up over my head. "Why do I feel like you're ranting about something random to avoid something else?"

God damnit, Seth. "I don't know what you mean."

He stepped back and looked me over, quickly and carefully. "I smelled your blood at the graveyard, and I smell it on your clothes, too. But I don't see a mark on you."

I held my hand up. "I sliced it open, about an hour ago."

He stared at me skeptically, arms crossed over his bare chest and still in sopping wet jeans. I wrapped a towel around me and walked over to my backpack, pulling a knife free. I pushed the blade against my skin, but he reached out and stopped me.

"Liz," he said authoritatively.

"You don't believe me, so let me show you."

His free hand flashed out and took the knife from me. "Isn't there some other way you could show me?"

I sighed. "Well, I wouldn't know. This book is the only thing I have to go off of and it basically says that powers will manifest on their own." I swapped out my towel for a shirt and some panties before digging out the three notebooks that - if I'd read correctly - pointed to me being some type of badass witch. "Okay," I said after flipping some pages. "Let's try this." I held my right palm out, open. _"Ignire."_

The light of the fireball in my hand reflected back to me in Seth's wide eyes.

"This is unreal," he finally said.

I shut my hand, extinguishing the flame. "I disagree." I shut my eyes and focused on my hand again until I felt the heat of another fire against my skin. "I don't even need spells."

He picked up the original book, the one that had taken me twice as many pages just to decipher, and I wasn't even through yet. "Where the hell did you get this?"

"I don't know. I found it in a box of stuff from tour. People used to give me all kinds of things, I didn't look through it all until I put it up here." I glanced at my bookshelf and saw the newest issue of Inked with myself on the cover sitting there. "Oh!"

Seth stood for a few moments, watching me flip through the pages. "You just found out you can do magic and you're looking through a magazine..."

"Well... I'm in it," I said, holding up the pages with pictures of me.

He laughed. "You're so strange sometimes." He sat down next to me. "You look really gorgeous, babe. I like your... boots." He gestured to a picture of me in nothing but boots, covering myself with my LE ESP guitar. "What's it like?"

"You planning to elaborate on that question a bit?"

"On set," he said.

"Oh. It's... different, I guess. Everyone is respectful, if that's what you mean."

"Do you like it?"

I shrugged. "I do. It's kind of awkward to think about how many people see me... you know. Being all sexy and stuff. But it only bothers me when it bothers you."

"It's weird, but it doesn't bother me. I never thought I'd be with a girl that modeled. Kind of feeds my ego."

"Do you ever sit back and think about imprinting? It's kind of weird. I mean, not the imprinting itself but who you imprint on."

"I know I used to think about it a lot, but since I met you... I just don't question it."

"I just can't wrap my head around how it works. Like, everybody you know tosses theories around and a lot of them think that it has something to do with genetics, but that doesn't really make sense for some of you guys. Emily, Rachel, Kim, Claire... all Native Americans. Renesmee is white but she's also half vamp which puts her into the supernatural category. Then there's you and Josh."

"You seem pretty supernatural now..."

"I do, and according to this," I held up the original notebook, "That is something that's been foreseen for a very long time. But does that mean Ana is going to be a witch, too?"

"I don't know, babe." He did that incredibly sexy thing where he laid back with his hands clasped behind his head and all you could see of his arms were bulging muscles in places people usually had none.

"What did it feel like?"

"When I imprinted? It felt like the world fell away and there was just me and you."

"So you loved me," I stated. "Before you knew my last name or what I liked or that I was a crazy lady. You already loved me."

His darkened eyes met mine, rich with intensity. "How do most people fall in love?"

I smirked. "You don't know?"

"I really don't. The only woman I've ever loved is you."

I thought it over. "You know, I don't either." And I really didn't. "I didn't love you the first second I saw you... I mean, I loved parts of you... but at some point I fell headfirst. Couldn't tell you when."

He was looking at me all kinds of sexy, his fingertips ghosting across my arm. "For the record, I don't think imprinting has to be about mating or genetics... I just think it's magic. It's that something between two people that can't be explained."

His lips covered mine and just as the heat flooded through me, thunder cracked, lightning lit the sky outside, and our power got knocked out completely.

"Uh oh," I said, diving towards my dresser for some shorts. I knew what was coming next.

Right on cue, Ana ran into my room blindly and threw herself down on my bed. "Liz!" she yelled, even though I was standing within a foot of her.

"I'm right here." I sat down next to her and she clasped my hand.

"I'm scared. I needed my thunder buddy."

"Chick rooms with a werewolf and runs to the ninety pound blonde when she's afraid," Josh suddenly said from my doorway.

I looked past Ana's shoulder at Seth and he was staring right back. He didn't look angry exactly, but he definitely didn't look happy. He seemed a little scared himself.

"What the hell is happening out there?" Ana asked. "It's like a typhoon... monsoon?"

My head was starting to pound. "I need a drink," I said as I rubbed my temple. Ana, my dear, sweet, darling friend, immediately handed me the bottle of vodka that was peeking out of my open backpack. I swallowed some down and passed to her.

"Cups?" Seth asked.

"Yeah, looks like one of those nights." Drinks and at some point, music. Typical Ana-and-Liz stuff.

He disappeared for a moment as Ana eyed me mischievously. "I have an idea," she said. "I'll be right back."

I raised an eyebrow as Josh lit some candles around my room. "If you come back in here with Twister, I'm kicking you out of my room."

"No naked Twister. Promise," she replied, grabbing a candle.

She slipped out of the room as Seth came back in. "What's she doing?" he asked.

"Beats me," Josh said before giving me an incredulous look. "Really, Liz? Naked Twister?"

I was laughing as she came back into the room and completed the circle of us in the floor. "Not tonight," she said to Josh, pecking him quickly on the cheek. "Let's do something creepy tonight." She placed a Ouija board in the middle and set the planchette down in the middle before smiling at me. "You guys down?"


	16. DEMON(S)

16\. DEMON(S)

Seth and I stared at each other, neither of us willing to answer.

"Guys?" Ana said. She snapped her fingers between our faces. "Guys. Come on. It's just for fun."

"What if the house is haunted?" I asked her. "You'll be too freaked out to sleep here."

"Luckily for me, I'm moving out soon!"

I laughed at her. "Bitch," I joked.

"You used to love getting spooky. Come on," she pouted.

I looked at Seth and he sighed in defeat. "Fine," he finally agreed.

"Okay," Ana said, placing her hands on the planchette before I stopped her.

"First, we drink. Then we speak to the dead," I told her, filling up our glasses. Seth had brought lemons in lieu of chaser and it was more pleasant than I'd expected. We all drank a bit, and then we settled in.

"This is weird," Josh said.

"And wrong," Seth said.

"Oh, shut up. It's fun," Ana said to them both. She cleared her throat and closed her eyes. "We call upon the spirits that are near us tonight," she said, feigning intensity. She didn't really believe in any of this stuff. When she said it was fun, that's absolutely all it was to her.

I, on the other hand, was terrified right now. Clearly there were things that I didn't understand in this world. I'd only opened the door today attempting to peek inside, and now I was pushing it wider and wider. I wasn't sure if I was ready for all of this.

"Is there anyone with us?" she asked openly. The pointer crept slowly to the word YES. "What should we ask it?" Ana whispered to us.

"Are you a ghost?" Josh asked loudly. Ever so slowly, it slid across the board to NO. "Well what the hell, then?"

It started with HELLO, which was nice enough. Then it moved to the L... then the I. I jerked my fingers back and it stopped moving.

Ana started laughing and playfully smacked Josh's arm. "You're moving it!" she accused.

"I swear, I'm not," he laughed.

"Liz looks too freaked out for it to be her." She eyed Seth. "Never would have suspected you, Clearwater."

He just smirked in response, but I had a feeling he hadn't been moving anything; he was barely even touching it.

Ana put her fingertips back to the planchette. "All in, Miss Legs." She smiled with satisfaction as I rolled my eyes and touched the pointer once again. "Are you a male or a female? Or do you even have a gender?"

The pointer slid to just the letter F. I took a hand off to do shots and raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Are you a lazy not-ghost entity?" Can't even spell out the whole word.

As soon as I put my fingers back, it went to NO, then to E, L, I... I withdrew my fingers once more.

"Stop spelling your name out!" Ana laughed.

"My bad." I'd rather her think that it was me than some fucking demon or something.

Both Seth and Josh were taking drinks or stirring theirs up while Ana pouted at me for a moment. It was just her fingers and mine touching the planchette when it basically fucking came alive. It was shooting around the letters, almost too fast for my eyes to catch.

Not too fast for Seth's eyes, though.

"I will find the witch," he said, his eyes locking onto me with this look of malice that absolutely did not belong on his usually kind face. "And I will burn her."

"Fucking freaky," Ana said. "So... everybody saw that shit, right?"

"Yeah, Ana," Josh said.

"I'm so freaked out now! What the fuck was that?!"

"Don't be scared, Banana. I'm sure whatever it was, it just got its wires crossed with us," I lied. Surprisingly, I didn't feel the least bit panicked. I'd had the Oh Shit moment, and then immediately snapped out of it. It was stupid anyways; I was like ninety nine percent sure I couldn't be burned in any capacity. Flame Retardant Liz.

I got up and left the room, heading for my basement. I shut the door behind me and focused hard on creating a light to guide me through the pitch black room. It worked, but it worked too well; my whole arm was ablaze and thunder shook my house. I had to learn how to control this shit.

I took my candle-flame sized fire down the steps and grabbed a few guitars. I kind of wanted to show Ana what I could do, but I wasn't ready yet. I wasn't sure how she'd react... but then again, it was Ana. Of course she'd think it was cool as fuck.

I returned and handed Ana one guitar, then left the third leaned against my bed. I sat beside it and started picking around at a few notes until something caught, then I played some Marilyn Manson And The Spooky Kids while Ana came in around the chorus. We sang together and then I flowed into another song, going for a mashup.

Seth grabbed the third guitar, a Yamaha that I'd given to him pretty early on. He flowed in with me and picked up when I would slow down. He had gotten so good at playing, but I wanted him to find his own style; right now he was just playing the notes, he wasn't feeling it yet. That was my next I'm-home-all-the-time-and-bored project.

He went from Barenaked Ladies to an intro that I didn't expect to hear, and then he actually started to sing. "And in your eyes, I see so much more... than that place you always go back to. You can pull yourself away from the face that constantly haunts you..."

I picked up and went to another Darkest Hour song. "Oh, you and me, we're the same. Asking for more... more than the numbing existence offered us all. What did they say? What did they do... to make you crawl back here? Despite everything that you've been through, you're still right here." I sang much louder. Habits.

He slowed it way down and softened it up before reciting part five of The Wasteland, which he knew was one of my favorite pieces of poetry ever written. "After the torchlight red on sweaty faces,  
After the frosty silence in the gardens  
The agony of stony places  
Prison and palace and reverberation  
Of thunder, of spring, over distant mountains  
He who was living is now dead  
We who were living are now dying  
With a little patience."

The lights came back on then, cutting him off with surprise. He looked at me and shrugged before getting up and taking the guitars back to their stands. Ana blew out a couple of candles.

"I'm finishing this drink before I go," she announced.

I giggled. "You're going to sleep good tonight."

She put her cup down and frowned at me. "I just realized that we can't do this anymore once we move."

I held my hand up and she clasped hers with it. "Hey, thunder buddies for life!"

"For. Life," she declared before chugging the remains in her cup. She kissed me on the cheek with a, "Night, baby," and then she and Josh left while I blew out another candle.

"Don't do that anymore," Seth said as soon as they were down the hall and our door was securely shut. It was one of those things that I'd almost expected but still shocked the hell out of me.

I kept my back to him. "Why? Are you afraid?" Of me?

"Fuck yes, I'm afraid!" he spun me around by my shoulders, looking at me with this odd mix of desperation and sternness. "Just please, no more magic."

I bit at my lip nervously, unsure of how to respond. I didn't want to quit; I had just gotten started! I opened the box and there was no turning back now.

"Please," he begged.

"I don't understand why you're so freaked," I finally said. "Maybe I shouldn't have jumped headfirst, but I mean... it's so cool! I can do real magic, Seth. Please don't take that away from me."

"It's evil!"

"I'm not religious anymore! Good, evil... it's all man made. This isn't." I snapped my fingers and boom, fire. "This is beautiful."

He squashed the flame with his bare hand. "It's not about religion. It's about you speaking a few words or just thinking too hard and making the sky rip open. You have no idea what you're messing with."

"Then I'll find out!" I said in return. "Being afraid of something doesn't mean you have to bury it. Let me figure out what I'm doing. We can find a way to understand this... if it really is harmful, I'll stop. I swear."

He sighed. "Fine. But no more Latin until you know what you're doing." His eyes scorched into me. "Promise?"

"Promise," I smiled. Want to know how I know that I'm a terrible person? He said no more Latin and I agreed. Of COURSE he meant no more magic, it was obviously implied, but that wasn't what he said and therefore, not what I agreed to. Loopholes.

His phone started to ring and he grabbed it. "It's Mark," he said before answering. I went outside to smoke and when I came back, he was putting his wet jeans back on. Such a disappointing image, unless you had a vivid imagination and could then replay it in reverse. "I have to go pick him up. Will you make up the couch for him?"

"Yeah... Is he okay?"

He's fine but his car is broken down pretty close to us. I told him I'd take a look in the morning." He peeked out the window. "Hopefully it's not storming like this then. Mind if I take the Cam?" I grabbed the keys off the dresser and tossed them to him. He caught them without turning away from the window.

"Be careful," I told him. He kissed me on his way out. I laid down and turned on the tv to a music channel. Lamb of God was playing and I was rocking out when there was a light knock at my door. "Come in!"

Ana popped into the room and zeroed in on the bottle we'd been sharing earlier. "Want another drink?"

"I sure do," I smiled.


	17. Leathers

17\. Leathers

I woke up around nine in a really good mood. I immediately turned some music loud and went to the kitchen to start breakfast while Luna disappeared out the back door. I was used to being alone in the morning if I didn't wake up before everyone else left for work, so Mark ended up scaring the living shit out of me when he suddenly appeared right behind me in the kitchen. I threw a full carton of eggs up in the air and he caught it clumsily, breaking a few.

"Whoa!" he said, raw egg dripping down his arm.

"Gross." I went for some paper towels and started cleaning up. "Thanks for the heart attack, bud."

"Any time," he joked as he cleaned himself up.

"Breakfast?" I offered.

"Please and thank you," he said. "Want me to make some coffee?"

"Fuck yes!" I sang as I danced around the kitchen.

He laughed. "Not that you need any. You seem very happy today."

I just smiled to myself and finished cooking. I'd been pretty happy lately, but even more so after... the experience. Even if I wasn't supposed to do it right now, fact was that I COULD do magic. I was more today than I had been yesterday, and I was super stoked to find out more.

"I didn't even know for sure you were back until last night," he said as we sat down to eat.

I felt bad. "I'm sorry," I said. "I've kind of been keeping to myself, aside from some work stuff here and there."

"Well, next time you better call a bitch," he replied. "How was touring?"

"It was pretty awesome. Gross at times, annoying on occasion, but still awesome."

"I think I've seen a video of every single performance you've done. You're a fucking animal on stage," he pointed his fork towards me as he spoke.

I touched mine to his. "Thank you."

He stared at me for a few seconds. "I don't think I've ever seen you so chill before. Who are you and what have you done with the real Liz Collins?!"

"I put a spell on her," I whispered conspiratorially. "Can't your girl just be happy? Damn, son."

He laughed and shook his head at me. "Everything going good with Seth?"

"I guess. How have you been?"

He glanced up again. "I've been fine, but let's go back to that "I guess"."

I was seriously dying to tell someone about what had happened last night, and this was a lead right into that. I leaned closer to him and lowered my voice. "Can you keep a secret?"

He considered for a moment. "Is it going to piss Seth off? Because then I don't want to know."

I rolled my eyes. "Not that kind of secret. So, I recently found this book... Hold on." I got up and went to my room, got my books and brought them back. "This one," I tapped my finger on the top one. "And I've been working on decoding it, because it's fucking crazy in there. But basically, the more I read into it, I realized that it's about me and that... well, basically, that I'm a witch."

He eyed me suspiciously as he started to flip through. "Witchcraft? I thought you were just joking."

"Mark," I said seriously. "It's real. Magic is real."

"I know."

My mouth popped open. "You know?"

"I used to hang with this chick in Aberdeen that practiced. Had a coven and everything," he told me without removing his eyes from the pages. "Pretty wild shit." He pointed to a section of text I'd transferred over. "I've read this before. There will arise a thrice-died daughter of December to bring the end of suffering," he quoted. His eyes met mine with understanding.

"That part is wrong." I think. "I've only died twice as far as I know."

He snickered. "As far as you know."

"So did you ever actually see this chick do magic?"

His eyes shifted to me. "She invited me to this party once where I saw some weird shit. Everybody was crazy drunk off this shit homemade wine, dancing naked and fucking each other like it was nothing." He looked down once again. "I may have seen some things."

"Tell me," I pushed.

"Misty - the girl I used to chill with - she was on top of me going at it and when I looked up she was like... it was like she was blurring. But of course everyone was so fucked up, it's hard to trust your eyes like that. I kind of brushed that off, but then I saw this woman by the fire, butt ass naked aside from a fucking goat head over hers. She was dancing and the fire looked like it was dancing with her, and then she stepped into it."

I hadn't realized my hand was on his arm until I was digging my nails into his skin. I quickly put my hand under my jaw.

"So once that happened, I was fucking out of there. I had to go through the woods to get to my car, and while I was walking I started to hear something following me. It finally catches up enough for me to see that it's her, goat head and all. She fucking chased me all the way back to my car."

I stared at him until he was good and uncomfortable. "How have we been friends this long and you've never told me this story?!"

"Hey, at least I told you that one story. About me standing up in the cafeteria at school and projectile shitting on the wall," he countered.

I started laughing so hard that it turned to tears. "Thank you... for adding chocolate shotgun to my vocabulary. You're forgiven."

"So. You're a witch now," he said once I'd finally calmed down and stopped laughing.

I shrugged. "It would appear so."

"Did you do a spell?"

"Yeah, check it." I snapped my fingers and produced a fireball.

"Wow!" he said before his forehead crumpled in confusion. "That's weird. Usually doing spells kind of drains you. Well, that's what it was like for Misty anyways."

"I don't feel drained at all." I flexed my teeny arm muscles. "I feel fucking pumped."

"I wouldn't try to take you."

"That's right," I smirked. "So, any way I can get in with this coven?"

"Why would you want to? Some of those girls are crazy, and not in the fun way that you are. Did you hear the story?!"

"I promised Seth I would find out more about magic and stuff." The loud rumble of thunder echoed my words double. "Please? Call your fuck buddy for me?" I gave him the pouty lip.

"I haven't talked to that girl in years. I'll give you her number, though," he said as he flipped through his phone. "But are you sure about this? They might try to sacrifice you or something."

I wasn't sure if he was joking. "Should I be scared of them?"

He raised his brows. "I don't trust them. If they realize how much power you have, they might want it for themselves. And the only way to get it..."

"Is blood," I finished for him. I swallowed a dry lump in my throat. "So maybe I'll figure something else out."

I wasn't trying to let a little nervousness dampen my day, so I brushed my fear aside and went back to my room for a moment. I reappeared with a bong full of dab.

"Oh-ho," he said before blasting a huge hit and passing to me.

I don't know exactly how it happened, but about an hour later we found ourselves with blankets tied on as capes and makeshift masks on our faces. We were running around the house shooting nerf guns at each other like two little kids. He had been hiding in the basement and I found him and blasted him twice before running back up the stairs with him on my tail. I dove behind the couch in the living room, shooting at him as I went down.

Then Seth came home. He took in the scene before him slowly, just smirking and shaking his head. I shot him right in the forehead with a dart and literally fell back to the floor laughing about it. He swiped Mark's gun and shot me in the ass with it three times. Then he scooped me up and sat both of us down on the couch.

"Why did I go to work today?" he asked. "Should've stayed home with you guys." He looked Mark over. "Whose underwear are those?"

Mark looked down at the briefs over his pants, a la Quailman. "I don't know, I kind of figured they were yours."

"Eeeewwww, they're Josh's!" I proclaimed.

He shrugged it off while I giggled.

"Are you on lunch or are you staying home?" I asked Seth, noticing the time.

"Just lunch," he sighed. "Unfortunately."

I got up and went to the kitchen to make him something. I was mid-sandwich when my manager called.

"Hey, Liz!" she greeted excitedly.

"Hey, M! How's it going?"

"I just got a call that is going to put a smile on your face, sweetheart. How does touring the summer with Marilyn Manson sound?!"

I swear, I could feel my pupils dilate. "Hold on just a moment, please." I ran outside and screamed so loud that an entire flock of birds vacated my backyard. I went back in and picked up the phone. "I'll have to think about it."

"I thought you might, but don't stall for long on this. It's a HUGE opportunity for you."

I frowned. I wanted to jump right onto it, but that's not how things worked when you were in a relationship with someone. Their thoughts had to count, too. "I won't. Stall, I mean. I'll get back to you soon, okay?"

"Okay, hun. I'll call the guys and see if they're all on board."

"Thanks, Moira."

"No problem. Talk to you soon."

"Promise," I said and hit end.

"Promise what?" Seth asked as I sat back down next to him. He started scarfing down his food before I could answer.

"Promise to call Moira soon and let her know if I'm willing to go on a huge tour this summer."

"Oh," he said, completely unenthusiastic. "So you're going?"

"I haven't decided," I muttered, annoyed.

"Tour with who?" Mark interjected.

"Motherfucking Marilyn Manson and Smashing Pumpkins," I answered.

"The fuck?!" he said. "How are you not sure if you want to go?! Talk about a no-brainer."

I laughed. "Tell him that!" I pointed the finger of blame at Seth.

"If you had a girlfriend, would you want her to go? Be away from you for a couple of months, have tons of guys hitting on her constantly and being weird as fuck to her all the time?" Seth asked Mark incredulously.

"Well, first off, I doubt I'll ever be in such a position. And second... can you go with her?"

"He doesn't like to," I said.

"It's boring," Seth said with a shrug. I suspected it was boring because he couldn't phase while he was with my band. Touring was pretty strictly scheduled and he just didn't have time to slip away from everyone.

"Well, I have to give an answer soon."

He glanced at the clock. "Can we talk about it later? I have to go. You coming with?" he asked Mark. "Your ride is ready."

I kind of wanted Mark to stay so I'd have somebody to hang out with, but as soon as they were out the door I had a new plan in action.

I showered, got ready and headed out to the pitiful little Forks Public Library with a list of books that seemed they might be helpful to me. I figured this might be easier if I had an actual library card, so I filled out all of the proper paperwork and brought them to the librarian.

"Oh!" she said when her eyes landed on my face. "Um, hi Liz."

I examined her roundish face and wide brown eyes, not registering having ever seen them before. "Hi."

"Oh, we, uh... I was at your house not long ago. There was a party. I guess you came in pretty late..." her eyes darted around nervously, trying their hardest not to meet my own even gaze.

"I remember now," I finally said. She'd been the one downstairs with Seth; the one I had chosen to ignore completely and to forget quickly, because what were the odds I would see her again? Apparently, not in my favor. Not in a town this small.

She started typing my info into their system. "So, how's Seth doing?"

"He's good."

"How's his mom?"

"... Good."

"He still working at Call's?"

I started to feel bristly. What the fuck business was it of hers where my man worked? "How do you know Seth?" I asked, easily keeping my cool.

"Well, uh," she giggled nervously. "We used to date actually. But we're just friends now."

"Really? You're friends? When's the last time you talked?"

She was catching my drift now. "Well, um, I guess at that party..."

"How long before that?"

Too scared to look at my face. "I... I didn't mean anything by it - "

"Oh, honey. I know." That was my mic drop moment, me smiling while she fucking squirmed. Bitch wasn't friends with my man. "Is that my card?"

She handed it to me and I strolled away.

I had to use a decrepit ass computer to find some of the titles that I had found online earlier. It took forever, and this library didn't have much that I was looking for.

I had originally planned on checking my books out and reading them in the comfort of my own home, but I wasn't into having another run in with the librarian. So, I opted to find a nice empty table to pour over the three books I could actually find in this place.

I searched for a free table and there wasn't one. Three strikes against this fucking place. I found the periodicals and sat right in the aisle with my books and notebooks, reading quickly and making notes of things that seemed important... which honestly wasn't much.

There was a ton of lore about witches and most of it was horrible. I already knew most of this stuff from reading about it in middle school. What I needed wasn't lore or folk legend, I needed something from some actual witches or people that knew real witches. Because, despite all the nastiness I was reading, I refused to believe that being a witch was inherently bad and I certainly didn't think that a bunch of scared idiots should decide that for me.

I was pretty deep into a book about the Wiccan faith when I noticed someone coming down the aisle. "Sorry," I said, gathering my things out of the floor so they could get by.

"Don't be," a girl with long, jet-black hair said. "I've been searching for you."

For the second time today, I looked a random girl over and decided I didn't know her. "You a fan or something?"

"Or something." Chick had some fucking crazy eyes and was sketching me out. "I'm not here for the singer, I'm here for the witch."

I couldn't remember the last time I felt so genuinely panicked.

"Leave her alone," another voice spoke up from behind me. I turned to see a very pretty, young blonde.

"We're trying to protect her," the first girl said.

"From what?" I snapped.

"The wolves," she answered, her voice malicious.

I clutched at my chest to see if my heart was still beating.

"No, Liz - " the blonde girl began.

I scooped all of my belongings up in mere seconds and dashed past her and out the door. I didn't bother with a seatbelt once inside my car, just turned the key and whipped out of my parking space. I peeked at my rearview on the way out and saw the raven-haired crazy one watching me intently from the doorway of the library.

I got about a mile closer to my home and pulled over to try to calm myself down. I couldn't even explain to myself why those two little words had been such a slap to the face, but that's definitely what it had felt like. It couldn't be right... Seth would never hurt me. Never.

I stepped outside to a foggy mist of rain and lit a smoke. My hands were shaking already, and when a car pulled up just feet from me my cigarette fell onto the ground. I looked over and sighed in relief.

"You okay, Liz?"

He leaned against my car beside me and I leaned my head against his shoulder for a second. "You owe me another cigarette."

He pulled two from a soft pack and lit them both before handing me one. "What are you doing out here?"

"Freezing. What are you?"

He smirked and pulled his jacket off to wrap around my shoulders. "I was coming back to hang with you. You weren't answering your phone."

"Oh," I said. It didn't feel like the same day to me and I had forgotten about our morning. "I'm scatter brained today."

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. Just... needed to look at the sky or something."

We stood there silent, our eyes studying the horizon as our bit of the world began to turn away from the sun. Mark's eyes met mine in the same second. "Want to go smoke up now?" he asked.


	18. 976-EVIL

18\. 976-EVIL

"What was her name?" Seth asked as he rubbed his face against my stomach.

"I don't know. She had long dark hair. Kind of tan. Brown eyes. She worked there."

"Oh, that's Megan."

"Oh," I said. Still had no idea who this chick was.

"She was the last girl I dated before I met you."

"Oh..." I said again, more interested. "She said you two were friends."

He snorted. "We're not."

"That's what I said," I shrugged.

He climbed back up to the pillow area and laid sideways, nose to nose with me. Which was adorable, but it definitely made me want to go and brush my teeth. "You're not upset, are you? I don't talk to her. I actually kind of forgot she existed."

I laughed. "So did I after I saw her downstairs with you."

I could see him thinking about it. "I forgot about that, too."

The smile slipped from my face and I sat up. "We still have to talk about me going on tour."

"The possibility of you going," he corrected. His eyes met mine, smoldering. "Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to be away from you?"

And we're off like a bullet. He didn't give me time to answer.

"It kills me, Liz. It's like ripping out my heart and dragging it away and I can't fucking feel _anything_ but pain."

I could feel my face crumple. "I'm sorry. I don't ever want you to feel like that... I just think sometimes you don't realize that I'm not just a part of you. I'm a person."

"I know! I'm not trying to hold you back, I just don't have any options here."

"You can come with me!" I countered.

"Leah's pregnant, Emily's pregnant. My whole life is here! Not everyone can just pick up and leave everyone they care about whenever they feel like it. Some people have real families."

My heart started pounding furiously, my body shook with anger, rippling and rolling and hot as the fire I could conjure with a thought. What had been a light rain a millisecond before suddenly turned into a storm of epic proportions and the three light-bulbs on the fixture just above my head shattered and rained down onto me.

I tried to calm down, but it was coursing through me, fire in my veins. "That was a shitty thing to say," I managed through my clenched teeth. I was moving to stand up when he grabbed my shoulders and kept me in place.

"I'm sorry I said that, but look at me. You have to learn how to control this."

I felt like I was going to explode. I needed to be out of this room.

"Just look at me and breathe. I know you're mad. Try to calm down."

I stared into his eyes, lost myself in the foresty green-brown and gold flecks. It took longer to calm than it had to anger, but I finally did. I shook the glass loose from my hair and started cleaning it up. "Just so we're clear, picking up and leaving isn't easy for me. I've done it because I've needed to, and I've done it to tour. Doing what I do for a living is hard sometimes and I've made sacrifices, but I still love it. Music is more important to me than you can understand."

He sat there on the bed watching me, which was unusual. I didn't expect him to always help me, but the fact was that he always did - especially with something like shattered glass - and it felt weird that he wasn't. After I was finished cleaning up, he helped me out of my clothes and went into the bathroom to turn the shower on.

"Are we just not going to talk about this anymore?"

"You really blow my mind, Elizabeth."

I couldn't decide whether to be insulted or gratified. "Okay," I eventually said.

"You make me think about things... just So. Many. Things. It never bottoms out."

I still wasn't sure, so I produced another lame, "Okay."

"You're twenty one years old." He shook his head like he didn't believe it. "I've been devoted to being a wolf, to staying here since I was barely fourteen. This has always been it for me. You... you're all over the place."

I swapped places with him and waited for him to say more. I didn't at all get where he was going with this, but I sure was enjoying my view of him being doused in hot water.

"Spread your wings and fly, baby," he said, eyes closed as he pushed all of his hair back and towards the nape of his neck.

I blinked. "What?"

"Go on tour and keep making music and do your thing. Just come home to me."

He wasn't wavering, no matter how long I stared at him.

"By come home to me, I mean - "

"No, I know what you mean. Are you serious right now?"

"Absolutely," he said. And I could tell that he actually meant it.

I was just stunned. I had been totally prepared for a fight; I was not however, prepared for him to just give in. I wasn't prepared to win at all.

He turned the water off and stepped out to dry off. I guess I wasn't moving fast enough for him, because once he was dry he wrapped a towel around me, threw me over his shoulder and carried me to my mattress. He gripped both of my inner thighs and pushed me until my head was on a pillow.

Then he ducked down and ran his tongue all over my clit.

I kind of gasped in surprise and excitement. God, even just his breath on me, all of that heat coming off of him...

"Barely touched you and your toes are curling," he smirked, full on cocky mode.

Breathing evenly was no longer possible. "My body reacts to you."

He ran his fingertips gently from my neck down, watched as my torso raised to meet his skin. "I know." He jerked my legs open wide before burying his face against me for a few incredible moments, then pulled away again.

I was so impatient during sexy time. He loved to tease me and drag out foreplay but when I wanted his dick, I wanted it immediately.

I was trying to pull him upwards and he wasn't budging. "Not yet," he murmured, his eyes finally pulling away from my body to land on my face. He eased one finger into me and I moaned so loud that it embarrassed me.

"Baby, please," I groaned.

He crept upwards leaving a trail of soft, wet kisses across my skin. His lips met mine like fire meets gasoline, but still he was teasing, holding back on me while my body arched beneath him. "Not until you're screaming my name."

My eyes snapped open to the darkness of my room and the bright red numbers of my clock telling me it was past three in the morning. It felt like only moments ago I was still being fucked into an oblivion of ecstasy by my man, but I must have slept for a few hours.

The bed was cold without him in it. I felt wrong without him next to me.

I rolled out of the bed, pulled on some clothes, and found my cigarettes. The sky was dark tonight and the air was still thick from the rain today. I leaned over the railing of the deck, looking around at the few shining stars and enjoying my nicotine fix when I realized someone was watching me.

I couldn't see or hear anything out of the ordinary, but still I knew. Every hair on my arms was standing on end, every muscle within me was preparing to launch myself at something that I somehow knew for certain was there.

I wanted to use magic, but not only was I not sure at all what to actually do, I was also afraid of causing another downpour - or who knows what else. Without even thinking, I crouched down and jumped, landing lithely on the very thin banister in front of me. I closed my eyes and focused on a sense I'd never used before.

As soon as I pinpointed the threat in my mind's eye, it disappeared from the radar and my body relaxed quite a bit. I eased myself back down to the deck and had to sit down.

I didn't know how to take the things that had been happening to me lately. Magic was exciting and I liked it, but the lack of control was not okay with me. I couldn't trust my body or my emotions anymore.

Despite the strangeness of my current situation, I went back inside quietly, climbed into my huge empty bed and slept like the dead.

Seth woke me up again at six in the morning. He was all wet and dirty from running wolfy all night, so there was only one reason he'd be intentionally waking me up.

He didn't go slow this time.

I was in the kitchen making breakfast for everyone when Josh came into the room. "I knew there was a reason Ana missed having you around so much," he said as he sat down to look through his phone.

"Maybe you should start making breakfast. Then she'll like you as much as she likes me."

It was a joke and I had been sure he'd know that immediately, but he looked kind of pissed. I opened my mouth to explain when Ana came in walking like a zombie.

"Coffee," she mumbled before glaring at me. "You woke me up."

"Me?" I asked innocently.

"Yes, you! Oh! Seth! Yeah! Fuck me!" she imitated. "Sound familiar?"

I raised an eyebrow. "You're really not one to talk, Belle."

"Well, I didn't get laid last night at all."

I flipped the dish towel in my hand at her ass. "Jealous!"

She pouted. "I really am."

The sound that caught our attention was a sort of popping. We both fell silent as we stared at Josh and his now crumpled metal and shattered glass cell phone. He was clearly losing his shit, though I had no idea why.

"I'm going to work," he said before practically running off.

We didn't move an inch until we heard his car down the street. "What the fucking hell was that?!" I finally asked.

"I have no idea... he's been grouchy since he woke up but that was just some next level shit."

Seth came into the kitchen still in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. "What's going on?"

"Josh is acting psycho. Why aren't you dressed?" I finished up with breakfast and started moving food to plates as he came up and wrapped his arms around me from behind, burying his face in my hair.

"I think I'll stay home today," he finally said. "I don't feel so well."

I set the plates back on the counter and turned around, my face twisted up in confusion. "Are you sick? You're never sick." He didn't look ill. He looked more attractive than should be allowed, like always.

"No, not exactly. I just don't feel like myself today."

"Okay," I said, but something felt really off to me.

He was quiet during breakfast, but at least he ate. Ana kept glancing at the clock because she wanted to wait for the very last minute to leave for work. Everyone seemed so bummed today and it was starting to bring me down. I sighed as I went to my room and packed a bong.

Ana smiled when I came back. "This is why you're my best friend."

"You worried about Josh?"

She nodded as she blew her hit out and took another in her mouth to shotgun to me. "I might go over and see him later on lunch. That was just so out of character."

I glanced up and Seth was lighting my dab with a look on his face like he'd just seen someone kill a puppy. "Seems to be a lot of that going around."

He looked up and forced a smile. "I'm fine. No psycho stuff over here."

Ana took one more hit, pecked me on the cheek and rushed out the front door. She was definitely going to be late. I got up and turned on some music. Out of nowhere, Seth appeared and turned it off.

"I don't want to listen to that," he said. He scrolled through my iPad until he found some Korn and turned that on instead.

I guess the grudge against Chino was going strong.

"What do you want to do today?"

"Smoke. Sleep. The usual."

"No sleeping," he whispered into my ear as his hands caught my swaying hips from behind me.

I spun around and planted a kiss on his lips. "I'm not sure I can go again, baby." My legs were still shaking from earlier.

He smirked. "That's fine so long as you don't mind me keeping my hands all over you today."

"Wouldn't want it any other way."

We settled back at the table and smoked ourselves silly. Then, for the second morning in a row, I found myself in the midst of an epic nerf battle. This one was totally unfair, though; Seth didn't miss, and he was solely aiming at my ass the whole time.

We had a fun afternoon playing and laughing and dancing with one another, all weirdness from this morning seemingly vanished until we were lounging in bed, propped up by tons of pillows and enjoying a movie together. He hadn't said much in the last half hour or so, but nothing had happened to prepare me for a mood change.

My phone started to ring from across the room and without my really trying to make it happen, the phone flew over to me. I thought that it was cool, kind of funny, even. Seth, however, absolutely did not. He smacked my phone just before I caught it and sent it sailing across the room.

"The fuck, babe?!" I got up to see how badly he'd wrecked my phone, pissed that I might have to get a new one. I went through phones every few months and this one was relatively new.

"You _promised_ me you wouldn't do magic right now!"

I turned to look at him and was immediately put on edge. I felt like I knew Seth better than pretty much anyone, and the angry, quivering mess of a man standing there right now was not at all him. It wasn't just that he was mad, or even that he was mad over something so stupid; it was the look in his eyes terrifying me, a look that had no business on the face of someone I knew to be so kind, loving and gentle.

"Something's wrong with you," I said quietly. The last thing I wanted was to send him over the edge.

"Maybe it's you," he sneered. He started to stomp away, out of our bedroom and into the kitchen. I wanted him to leave and assumed that's what he was doing, but before he left he reared back and punched a hole into the kitchen wall, then slammed the door so hard that the frame splintered.

I stood in the same spot for at least ten minutes, crying silently and trying to figure out what I was supposed to do. Should I call someone? Should I leave? I had wondered idly over the years if it was possible for an imprint to wear off, but I hoped that we were deep enough into this that he would love me regardless. Now it seemed he hated me completely and I had no idea why.

I eventually wiped the moisture from my cheeks, took a deep breath and moved. I surveyed the damage to my door frame - not that I knew about woodworking and carpentry, but at least the lock still held.

I went back to my room, sat on the bed, and lit a cigarette. My head wanted to spin like a top, but I was trying so hard to keep it calm, keep it cool. I couldn't afford to lose myself in my feelings anymore.

My doorbell rang once and I looked out of my bedroom window to see who it was. She was an older lady, probably a Jehova's Witness or a Mormon or some other weirdo sect of Christianity that I had zero interest in. I answered the door but stepped out to speak with her instead of inviting her in.

"Hello," she said, looking at me funny. "My name is Mary." She held her hand out.

"Liz." I gripped my cig between my teeth and shook her hand. "You selling bibles or something?"

"Oh. No, Liz," she smiled. "I'm not. I've come to speak with you, and to offer you safety."

"You mean for my eternal soul and all that?" I couldn't help but to giggle.

"I can't save your soul. I want to save your life."

Alarms started to flash in my head and I looked Mary over once more. I'd missed something big on the first go around; this cute little old lady was more than a lady. I could feel her power... though admittedly, it didn't feel like all that much.

"Are you crying over your wolf?" she asked. I didn't like this, not one single bit. I flicked my cigarette off into the yard, not taking my eyes off of her. "He's your natural enemy now."

I'd been considering going back inside and just forgetting this strange encounter, but that piqued my interest. "Why?"

"Because it's what they were built for. They are protectors, and a witch poses a great risk for their tribe."

"Tribe," I scoffed.

"They were once. And, despite the fact that they themselves have magic running through their veins, the animal inside sees another supernatural and wants to kill."

"He wouldn't." But would he?

"If you come with me, we can protect you."

"From Seth? He loves me."

"When the time comes, he will stand with his brothers. He will light the fire that burns you alive."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Fire can't hurt me."

There was a flash of excitement in her eyes and my view of the situation changed. This woman was evil, I was sure of it. She trapped me in her gaze and as we stood in this death stare, she hissed - fucking hissed! - at me.

"Get away from her!" I heard Seth yell. He appeared moments later, squeezing his huge frame into the small space between the witch and I.

"If you harm her, we're coming," she growled in return. She stepped backwards until she was off of my porch, and then she shot upwards into the air like a bottle rocket.

I stepped back away from Seth. I wanted to believe that something else was at play here, that there was a reason he was being so mean that wasn't just him changing or things being different between us... but I couldn't be sure. I was afraid of him.

"Liz, I - "

"You have to go," I said.

I went inside alone.


	19. Good God

19\. Good God

"You have to help me."

"Okay?" he said, scratching his head and his chest, swiping at his sleepy eyes.

I pushed past him and shut his door.

"Come in," he joked.

I held out a bottle of Jack like an offering. "Weird shit is happening and you're the only one that can help me."

Mark took the bottle and drank. "Alright, I'm awake. Come on." He moved to the living room and plopped down on the couch, patting the cushion next to him. "So... what's going on?"

I took a deep breath. "Booze first." I started describing the past few days to him, about the library, about Mary, about Seth. The more I drank, the easier it got to spit it all out.

"You really think Seth would hurt you? Does he have some kind of vendetta against witches that I don't know about?" he half joked.

I couldn't explain the wolf stuff - that was still top secret info, because the secret wasn't mine. "Something with him is just totally off lately. It occurred to me on the way over here that it might be supernatural... but that may just be wishful thinking on my part, and even if it's not that still leaves me with zero answers."

"Just doesn't seem like him at all." He offered me the last of the bottle and I drank it gratefully. "You can stay here if you're scared to go home. Just please, please don't let Seth think that we're messing around or something. My face can't take it."

I looked down at my clasped hands, nails picking at the skin around my thumbnails. "I never thought that I would actually be afraid of him. He's always treated me like..."

"Like you're perfect," he mumbled. "He loves you. I think it's a spell." As soon as the word left his mouth, he got a funny look on his face and started scratching at his ear, pacing the floor.

"Are you okay?"

"A pen. I need a pen," he said. "Too many voices!" he yelled loudly.

I found a pen and my bag and slid it across the coffee table. He grabbed both the pen and the hand that was still on it and yanked me towards him, scrawling furiously on my arm. "Hey!" I yelled.

A calm settled over him and he examined my arm. "Looks like a phone number."

"What in the ever loving fuck _was_ that?!"

"It was like... a tickle in my brain. Lots of talking. They're trying to reach you."

I grabbed his phone and went inside, trying my damndest to just keep a lid on my angry and negative feelings. Never an easy thing for me, made at least doubly worst by the amount of Jack Daniels in me. It took three rings for someone to answer.

"Who are you?" I spoke into the receiver.

"Elizabeth? Thank goddess, we've been trying to approach you for awhile now - "

"I wouldn't recommend you do that. Things tend to get a little out of hand when I'm placed in threatening situations."

"We're no threat to you," the voice said, matter of fact. "We want to help you - "

"If you or anyone of your... coven or whatever put a spell on my boyfriend, I will personally find each of you and beat the living fuck out of you. Don't come to my house again, don't get into my friends head, and do not ever, _ever_ fuck with my man. Ever."

I hit the end button and went back inside. Mark's cat, Salem, came over to the door as I was closing it and started rubbing against my calves, meowing at me like he wanted something. I leaned down and scratched under his chin.

"Does your papa need to feed you?" I baby talked. Salem was an inside cat so he was always around when I came over, but he'd never shown interest in me aside from passively staring on occasion. I was a sucker for a cat that would love on me, though. "Pretty little kitty."

"He's not pretty, he's regal," Mark said as he came around the corner.

"He's a little sweetie baby," I cooed to Salem. "Yes he is."

I handed Mark his phone and it immediately started to ring. He held it up so I could see the screen.

"Don't answer." I couldn't talk to Seth right now. I wasn't even mad at him, I was just... totally lost. I needed to sort my head out first.

He wanted to answer. He didn't want to be caught up in the middle of our drama. But he respected my wishes.

"What's the plan?" he asked once the ringing stopped, leaving behind a tense silence.

"I really don't have one right now. I mean, the guy I love might try to kill me, but beyond that..." I shrugged my shoulders and started back towards the living room.

There were three distinct knocks against the front door, and we stared at each other.

"It's him," I mouthed slowly, and I was certain I was right. I padded quietly through the familiar dining room to a kitchen I had never set foot in before, searching for a door that wasn't there. I'd essentially trapped myself. There was nowhere to go at this point, so I ducked into one of Mark's cabinets. And, I knew it was stupid; my car was sitting outside, my scent was all over the place. There was no hiding.

"Liz? Liz!" Mark was yelling through the house. "He's gone."

I popped back out of the cabinet and met him in the middle. "What did he say?"

"He said he was sorry and gave me this for you." He held up my backpack, packed full of something.

"He packed me clothes," I said, rifling through the pack. There was a note inside that was him apologizing again, telling me that he didn't know what was wrong with him, that he didn't feel like himself and he didn't actually harbor any anger towards me. More signs that made me question if this was a supernatural issue.

"I think I'm with you on this spell theory," I finally said. "No way could he be like that for real. He's..." I didn't have words for how sweet and gentle Seth was to me. It was kind of funny because he was this huge, beefed up guy and I was a tiny woman but when it came down to it, he was the soft and I was the hard in our relationship. I was the one who angered easily, I was the one that could be unpredictable. Not him.

"What are you going to do?"

I sighed. "I'm going to drink some more, because this is depressing as fuck and I literally have zero ideas on how to find out if a spell was cast or how to undo one if that's the case." I really wished I would have brought my notebooks with me when I left home earlier - they were my only source of knowledge on any of this craziness, though they hadn't proven all that helpful yet. I had hit a point where I couldn't make out the text at all.

We were already tipsy when we started the second bottle, but half of that one got us to the point of sloppy drunk. We blared music and danced like wild people, knocked shit over and fell down repeatedly, and by three in the morning we were outside climbing a ladder to the roof so that we could better examine the stars.

"Wow," I smiled at the sky. "Great view. I think I'd live on a rooftop if I could."

"I used to go up on the roof of my old apartment building a lot."

"You don't come out anymore?"

"Nah. It makes me think too much, and that's never good." He held up the bottle we'd been sharing. "Alcohol, good. Thinking, bad."

I kind of smiled as I sighed. "I know the feeling."

The very tips of his fingers met the edge of my hand. "I always figured you would talk to me," he said.

"What?"

"About... things you went through. Were going through. I thought you would talk to me."

It kind of took me off guard. "I don't know how," I finally said. "I don't even know how to think about it. There aren't enough words in me."

He smirked. "Says the girl who writes her days away."

"Music is the only way I know how to express myself to my satisfaction."

"Speaking of which, are you leaving for the summer?"

I sighed. "I'm supposed to. Seth was totally against it and then he said I should go, and then he turned into Crazy Seth. So now I don't know again." Who knew where things would stand by then?

I stretched a bit and stood up, shivering.

"Careful," he warned.

"I won't fall."

"Famous last words."

I stepped upwards, towards the crest of his roof. I was definitely drunk and I was always clumsy, but I didn't _want_ to fall, so I didn't. After a few steps up, I turned around and pulled him up with me. We sat at the highest point we could reach, looking out over all of the trees.

"I think... I have an idea to help Seth. I'm going to try to figure out where these witches are."

"How?"

"I don't know how to explain that. I'm not even sure it will work..." I crossed my legs and closed my eyes, tried to clear my drunken mind.

I opened one eye when I felt Mark's palms press into mine; he was mirroring me. "Maybe some extra juice will help," he shrugged.

I scooted closer until our knees were touching and relaxed again, slowly but surely. I funneled every bit of me into a silent place where my magic awaited, then focused that on what I wanted.

"Uh, Liz?"

"Sshhhh..." I wasn't done focusing.

"Liz, open your eyes."

We were among the clouds. The Earth seemed desolate beneath us, the stars just barely out of reach. I took it in breathing heavily, telling myself that no matter what had happened previously in my life, it was worth it if this was the reward for surviving. This was more incredible than any of my wildest dreams.

"Look at those," I said, pointing my head down. There were clusters of light back on the ground, some green and some red. There were also little straggler lights scattered around, but there was a distinct geographical separation between the greens and the reds in this area.

"What is that? Why's it so dark down there?"

"They're witches." I pulled a hand loose and pointed. "Those are the good ones, and over there are the bad ones." I'd been aiming for something a bit more definitive, but this was still cool. Hopefully it'd be helpful as well.

"How do you know?" he asked incredulously.

"Because somewhere deep inside of here," I poked my own head, "I'm creating this."

"Master of your own domain..."

"Look! There." There was a little red light just yards from my own home. "They're scoping my house."

"What do we do?!" He sounded way more freaked out than I felt.

"I'm sure they've been around at least a couple of other times... I think they're shooting for a more long term play than like, busting into my house guns blazing. So, we do nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I have no idea how to fight with magic!" I had only had my ass handed to me on a small number of occasions, and I had learned this: I did NOT fucking like it.

"Well, you better figure it out. Soon."

"Will do," I smiled. I yanked him closer to me so that I had a better grip. "Now, let's go explore!"

"Let's not," he laughed nervously. "Seriously, Liz. I'm already terrified just from being UP HERE!" The last two words came out as a scream, because we were already off like a rocket, Peter Panning it up in this motherfucker. I was laughing and enjoying myself beyond a measure of words; he was clinging to me, screaming, shaking and terrified.

"Chill out, Mark!" I giggled. "I've got you. No fucking way would I let you fall."

His fingers were digging into my shoulders so hard that I was sure there would be bruises. "I'm afraid of heights!"

"An irrational fear, considering the circumstances." I dipped lower to the ground and slowed way down. "Want me to drop you off and come back for you later?"

"Definitely not," he rasped.

"Well if you're going to stay, try enjoying yourself!" I spiraled straight upwards until we were once again immersed in the clouds. "You are flying, after all."

He loosened his grip on me and unwound his legs from around one of mine. I swung over him so that he was basically piggy-backing me instead of some weird face to face encounter. I leaned over his shoulder and saw that he had finally opened his eyes, then he spread his arms wide and smiled.

"Does this make me your Falkor?" he asked with a chuckle.

"I was thinking I was more Jack Dawson and you were my Titanic, but I'll gladly be the Bastian to your Falkor."

"Yeah... don't go hands free and scream you're the king of the world. If you drop me and I die, I'm totally going to come back and haunt you."

I started laughing. "Whatever, you'll come back and make me blow weed smoke in your ghost face constantly."

"Wow," he suddenly gasped. "Look."

The sun was rising on the horizon as we soared towards it. I preferred the blackness of the night, but this was quite a sight to behold. "It's beautiful," I whispered.

I woke up late the next morning on Mark's couch, Salem curled up on my chest. Mark came into the living room and took a long look at me. "Morning, sleeping beauty."

I kind of grunted in return and he handed me a bottle of ibuprofen and a freshly opened beer. "Really?" I eyed the bottle of Budweiser.

He shrugged. "Hair of the dog that bit us."

I drank about half and handed it back. "No more," I said. My head was pounding, throat hurt, stomach was just wrecked. The taste of alcohol made me want to puke a little.

He lit a blunt and handed it to me. "So, what's the plan? We going to go visit the Glendas?" He'd nicknamed the green dots after the good witch in the Wizard of Oz. The red ones, of course, were now Wickeds.

I sighed. "I think before I do that, I need to go talk to Seth."

"Can you drive?"

I stood up smiling. "Why drive when you can fly?"


	20. Predictable

20\. Predictable

The house was quiet when I came through the front door. I opened my mouth to call out and then thought better of it. Something had me feeling pretty on edge about being here. I held my hand out, palm open, and conjured my fire before taking another step into my own home.

I moved quietly from room to room; no one in my room, no one in the kitchen. I was surprised to see that my door frame was still fucked up. I figured Seth would have fixed it in my absence.

I heard the floor creak and spun around, arm raised and ready to lob my fireball at someone. Ana gasped, and I immediately quenched the flame and crossed the room to hug her. Before either of us made a move to speak, I felt tears well up and spill out.

She hugged me tighter. "Are you okay?"

I just sniffled. I wasn't sure what my answer would be to that, and apparently I needed a good cry.

"Come on," she said as she shifted and led me back to her bedroom. We laid down in the bed, cuddling together while I let out of my eyes what I didn't have words to express.

"Where are they?" I finally asked.

She sighed in return. "They're running, I guess. Something weird is going on around here."

"What happened?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing. Seth had me pack you a bag and hasn't been back since. Josh... I went to see him yesterday at work and he seemed perfectly fine. He apologized about losing his temper for no reason, was really sweet, he even fucking ate me out in the car. Then he comes home from work and starts acting really weird again. He was so pissed for absolutely no reason, said he felt like his skin was crawling and he was losing his mind, so he left. Haven't heard from him."

My eyes narrowed and I sat up. "He was fine at work but was acting crazy when he was here?"

"Yeah..."

I wiped my face with my sleeves and stood up. "I think... I mean, this is a total shot in the dark, but I think maybe there's something in this house that's having a bad effect on them."

She arched an eyebrow at me. "Before we even start to discuss how weird that statement was, are you planning to explain how in the fucking hell you were standing in the kitchen holding fire in your bare hand?"

"It's a pretty long story at this point, so for now just know and accept that magic does exist, I can do it, and I'm pretty sure it's being used against everyone in this house via our boyfriends. The rest will have to wait."

She stared at me for a few seconds. "So... how do we find the possible something that's doing it? Where do we even start to look?"

"In and around the house... It has to be something close." Problem was, I had no idea what the fuck I was even looking for. It could literally be anything. "Maybe..." Fuck. I wish I wasn't so hungover, both on emotions and on alcohol. I needed to think, and my brain wasn't cooperating.

"You're a witch now, right? If there's something magical around, maybe you could feel it."

"Ugh!" I fell backwards onto the bed and closed my eyes, trying to feel it. I didn't think there was any way it would work right now, but I could immediately sense the magic in the air. It was almost like a smell more than anything else; the scent of wonder with this unpleasant kick. "Outside."

She helped me up and we made our way out through the backdoor. I followed the odor down the stairs and across the yard, but Ana started dragging me a little because I was going so slow. "What's the deal, Liz?" she finally asked.

"It's just... it stinks and I feel sick," I grimaced. I took a few more steps, released Ana's hand and leaned down, pinning my hair up with my hand as I puked. The rain started to pick up a little, and it felt incredible against my overheated and sweaty skin. I gathered myself and finished the trek down into the trees beyond my yard. "Here," I finally said.

"What? This?" She grabbed a handful of fern.

I pushed my foot around until I was scraping at bare earth. "Something's been buried here."

"Do we even own a shovel?"

I raised my hand, pulling some type of cloth sack up and out of the ground without even coming into contact with the dirt.

"Well, okay then. What's in there?"

I was afraid to stick my hand inside of the bag. I opened the ties and stretched the fabric wide. "Looks like a rock and some leaves?" The smell was so potent right in my face that I wanted to puke again. I held the bag out as far away from me as my arm would reach.

"What do we do with it?" Ana took the bag gingerly and stepped back a little ways from me.

"My first thought was to burn it... but the only problem with that is if it doesn't work, we're totally screwed."

She sighed, turned and started back towards the house. "I think you need to wake up and figure this stuff out."

I almost laughed. "I'm sorry. Look, let me get some food and a shower so I can think straight."

She turned and smiled. "Go ahead and take a shower. I'll make you something to eat."

I sat at the little breakfast bar chowing down on my hamburger and fries while Ana braided my damp hair and finally texted Seth. He didn't respond and I hadn't expected him to; he probably didn't have his phone. I just hoped that by the time we had this sorted out, he and Josh came back and things went back to normal.

"Are you sure about this? Ana asked for at least the third time.

"I don't know what else to do. And I'm fairly certain that these are the good guys."

"What if you're wrong and they just fucking slaughter us?"

"I can protect us a little," I shrugged. "I can set their building on fire and fly away with you."

"At least part of that is a felony," she laughed. "Have you thought about what else you might be able to do?"

"Somewhat. I've barely had any time to think about anything since this shit started."

She leaned over my shoulder. "Try something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know... just make a wish or something."

I laughed. "I'm not a genie."

"Just try!"

"Okay." I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and concentrated. "I want... two kilos of Colombia's finest white stuff," I joked. "Be like Tony Montana in this bitch."

"Holy shit!" Ana yelled. I thought she just found my joke really entertaining, but when I opened my eyes my smile turned to surprise.

I poked the clear bundle and watched closely as my finger dented it slightly, listened intently to the crinkle of the cellophane. I pulled out my pocketknife and made a small slice, removing just a bit of the white powder as I removed the tip of the blade. I sniffed it, then took a tiny taste off of my finger. "Legit," I said. "And holy shit is right! What the fuck am I supposed to do with all of this?!"

"Why'd you ask for it if you didn't want it?" she giggled.

"I was just fucking around! Do you want it?"

Her eyes and smile grew wider. "Hell yes I do."

We both did a line before we left.

Being in the car all hyped up with that bag sitting in the trunk was not having a nice effect on me. After about an hour, I was sitting there fuming, my skin an unattractive shade of pink and as hot as Seth's. The rain was hammering down as Ana drove us to our destination and I knew it was me, but I couldn't even attempt to calm down.

"Thing is like a fucking horcrux," Ana remarked as we pulled down a dirt road surrounded by nothing but forest. "Are you sure this is right?"

"Yes," I managed through gritted teeth. I had maneuvered myself as far away from the sick smell and whatever negativity was radiating from that bag to the point that I was almost in the floor of the passenger seat.

The road rounded out and ended with a structure that looked oddly like a barn. There were no cars outside, but there were lights on inside and when I threw my door open and panted in the fresh air, I could hear voices. I could _feel_ the people inside.

I yanked the trunk open hastily, grabbed the bag and trudged angrily towards the building, flinging my hand at the doors. There were at least ten women inside and only one man, and every one of them lurched to their feet and stood on edge as I stopped just inside of their door, sopping wet and probably looking like I was seconds from ripping someone's head off. I held the sack up and threw it down to the floor. "I need your help," I announced for the second time in as many days.

"She can't come in here," a middle aged woman said, nodding behind me.

Ana froze in her tracks, deer in headlights.

"She stays with me." That one was a hard limit for me. No way was I letting Ana out of my sight in this place.

"She's not one of us," the woman argued. Another woman started walking towards us like she was going to physically remove my best friend.

I took a step to the side, eyes locked with the younger woman. "Touch her and see what the fuck happens to you." There was too much going on inside of me now for it to not come out. Lights started flickering as a significant portion of my body erupted in flames, first red and yellow and then suddenly a vibrant blue.

"So angry," the first woman said casually. "And you don't need our help. Light the bag on fire. The hex will be destroyed as it is."

I had to work to calm myself down. The fire dissipated, starting in my center and moving outwards until I was me again and not a god damn matchstick. Everyone watched me intently, I could feel their eyes on me but the only one I was focused on was the woman who had spoken to me. She was powerful, more so than anyone else in this room... aside from me. She was their leader.

"Thank you," I finally said. I was regretting not lighting the sack on fire back at home and saving myself the trouble of riding with it for over an hour. That was just bullshit.

The woman stepped forward and gestured to the bag. "May I?"

I just shrugged in return.

The bag slid across the floor then floated up to her hands. She widened the mouth of the pouch and pulled the contents out one by one. "Wolfsbane,"she said before dropping it into a large metal pot in front of her. "Bloodstone... chicken bones, runes. This is very old magic. Messy stuff." She looked back up at me and crooked her finger. "Come on, fire starter."

I crossed the space and focused on the items in the pot, immediately enveloping it all in flame. "So, that's it?"

"Well... for now," she answered. "You're being targeted. This won't be the last you see of them."

"What can I do?"

She sighed. "Let's take a walk," she said before holding her hand out to me. "I'm Cecily, by the way."


	21. Rosemary

_"Time shifting  
_ _We discover the entry  
_ _To other planes..._

 _Our minds bend  
_ _And our fingers fall  
_ _Entwined, we dream  
_ _I know..."_

21\. Rosemary

We trudged down a path behind the large barn-like clubhouse until we hit a spot with a circle of large rocks, big enough to sit on. Cecily gestured for both of us to do just that, so we squished together on one rock.

"You cursed me out yesterday," Cecily began.

Really? Nice opener. "Well, no offense but I had good reason."

She waved her hand flippantly. "Bygones," she said. "I know you're probably confused about the things that have been happening to you. I think I can help a little."

"How?" I asked skeptically.

"By sharing the little bit of information I have. Elizabeth - "

"Liz," I interrupted.

"Liz. You've realized by now that you're special. You've tapped into something that many people have died in the pursuit of: Power. You have an immense amount of it. Your coming has been foretold for a thousand years."

"My coming," I giggled, and Ana couldn't help but to snicker along with me.

"Yes, your coming. Your life, your deaths, your magic. You came back much more than human. You are a master of both life and death."

I didn't laugh this time. Her words made me both excited and incredibly terrified.

She reached down to the pitch-black ground and raised her arm, letting a snake coil around her arm. "The serpents come to you," she breathed. She kissed the snake on its head and set it back down so it could slither over to me. "You are currently the most powerful woman living on this planet. But with great power..."

"Thanks, Uncle Ben. So I'm special and all that, but what's the bottom line here? Do I have some kind of awesome destiny to fulfill?"

"I don't know," she said.

I was quiet for a full minute. "What do you mean, you don't know?"

"All that the prophecies say is that you will ascend to the highest position of power and bring about the revolution. Nothing as to how or why or who this revolution is against, though I'm willing to bet it's the Dark Ones."

"Don't you think you should give them a name that's a little more lame? Like, you could name them The Cockheads, or The Martin Shkrelis. Dark Ones sounds too cool."

Ana giggled quietly beside me. "The Cockheads," she whispered.

"So, these fuckers have been around my home. How can I protect everyone from them?"

"You can easily ward your home from attack, like a repellent of sorts. But I would go a step further and cast a protection spell on everyone close to you. It's very likely they've seen the people you live with and that they'll try something when someone isn't within the protection of your home." She snapped her fingers and in her hand appeared a large book. She read silently from two separate pages, and then suddenly I could hear her voice inside of my own head.

"How am I supposed to remember all of this?"

"You will. Trust me." She stood up and snapped her book shut. "I have to go back in."

"Wait." I stood up, too. "Those evil witches have come and talked to me twice. Why haven't any of you?"

"We tried," she said. "Lily found you in the library, but that was the closest we've gotten and you seemed hostile. Lurking around your house would have pushed you from being open to us at all if we were discovered. And we couldn't take that kind of chance."

I knew without asking that Lily was the blonde; no way was that dark haired chick on the good side. "What is it that you all want from me?"

She fixed her pale green eyes on me. "We want you as an ally. At the very least, we want you to not join the Dark Ones, because if you do... our end is imminent."

"You think I'm a bad guy?" I crossed my arms and kind of shrugged. It really made sense if you thought about it - I was more a villain type than a hero.

"You're a person, or were for the majority of your life. Being bad can be easier than being good." She was about to walk past me when I stopped her, my eyes rooting her in place.

"I have another question. I was told that Seth... that wolves and witches are natural enemies." I let it hang there, because we all understand what the actual question was.

"Your wolf is your single biggest ally. He will protect you." She leaned a little closer to me and spoke softly. "Hex bags are a bitch. I would keep him close until the threat lowers."

"Any other pertinent wisdom you should send my way? Because honestly, that wasn't much."

A smile curved her lips. "All in good time, dear."

Vague. As. Fuck.

The ride home was much better than the ride out. We jammed and sang and had a good time. There was still no word from Seth or Josh, though we tried to contact them both; we just had to give them some time. Neither Ana or I had put a ton of thought into how this situation would have made them feel because we were both hung up on our own fears and insecurities. Looking at it now, they were both probably horrified at being anything less than their loving selves to us, and also terrified of hurting us.

I could definitely relate on the lack of control issue.

When we got back to our silent, empty home, we both felt the sting of disappointment that they weren't here waiting on us. We tried texting them again, then calling and still nothing. Ana decided the best course of action for her was to drink until she fell asleep, but I couldn't stomach the idea of drinking again after last night. The alcohol was still sitting heavily inside of my belly.

It was around midnight when I decided it was time to go ahead with the protection spell for our house. The rest would have to wait until the guys were present. Ana was pretty hammered and decided she wanted to - and I quote - play witchy woman for the evening, so we turned the lights out and I lit a few candles with my mind, sat down together in the floor and held hands.

 _"Invocamus militum virtute tueri. Propagare uidemini, et habitantes in ea patria clipeum. Ab iniuria tueri ab influentia obscurissimi sunt. hisce verbis fiat."_ The spell flowed smoothly from my lips and upon finish, a greenish glow arose from our two person circle and encapsulated our home.

"Cool!" Ana squealed.

"Very," I said in return. There was something niggling my insides now, something I couldn't place or control. I was about to stand up when instead, I gripped her hands hard and locked eyes with her. I could feel my body shaking, could see the frightened look on Ana's face, but I couldn't stop until finally, the fire erupted from my hands and carried over to her.

We dropped hands and the flame disappeared. She stared at her palms, turning them over as her breath quickened. "What the hell was that?! What did you do to me?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "It was... I don't know, it was an accident."

She was on the verge of tears. "You put it in me, Liz! You put magic in me!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, I just..."

She looked up at me frowning. "I wouldn't have cared if you had asked me first."

"Ana, I swear I didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry." I couldn't believe that I'd done that to her. If it was just giving her power, I wouldn't feel guilty... but I felt like I'd just dragged her into a war that neither of us had been aware of before, and neither of us were the least bit prepared to fight or to win.

She sniffed. "S'okay." Then she held her hand out and squinted her eyes, slowly becoming more frustrated by the lack of anything happening.

"Um, you may want to watch it with that. Every time I try too hard, the weather gets crazy and occasionally things break."

She half smiled at me. "Can you teach me?"

I smirked. "That will have to be a process for us both. I still have zero idea what I'm doing." It was true, but as I said the words a realization hit me. I _did_ have an understanding, and that was that I could do almost anything I wanted in some way or another. The problem was that I didn't yet understand the repercussions of my magic, and just that the amount of power I could feel roaring inside of me was absolutely frightening.

I waved my arm and in one vast swoop, the candles went out, the light turned on, and the thunder rumbled outside.

Ana laughed. "Well, if we're not going to do that..." she reached down into her bra and pulled out a baggy of weed. "Got a blunt wrap? Papers?"

We rented a movie, blazed down and chilled for a while. We eventually paused the movie and brought a ton of random snacks to my room, then started playing music and forgot about the movie completely. She convinced me to drink some with her and for some reason, it hit me pretty hard. We changed into our pajamas and shared my bed with the various foods as we talked ourselves right to sleep.

It was pitch black in my room when something jolted me awake. My eyes adjusted enough to notice Ana being lifted from just beside of me, and my first reaction was panic. It took about point two seconds for me to look up far enough to see that it was Josh cradling her sleeping form, and Seth was just behind him.

I swung my legs over the bed, took two steps and latched myself onto him, still drunkish and now crying. He gripped me to him, one hand on my back and the other in my hair, holding me like he never wanted to let go. We stayed like that for an eternity, until he moved one arm lower and bent enough to swing me up into his arms, and then he carried me back to the bed.

"I'm sorry, Elizabeth."

I let one hand glide up his face, then yanked his hair gently. "Don't leave me again, okay?"

"Never," he promised, pulling my hand down to kiss the back of it.

I kissed him and it was like gasping a lungful of air after too long underwater. My body acted on it's own; fingers weaving into his hair, clawing at his back, legs tangling around his, chest heaving against his strong body. I was just so hungry for him and I couldn't at all control it.

He was hesitant, but slowly melting into me. He ground his middle against me once and growled deeply, his big hand tightening on my hip just to the edge of pain. "Fuck, baby. You sure about this?"

I got up onto my knees and pulled my clothes off quickly. I climbed on top and straddled him, then leaned down to kiss him. "I'm always sure about this," I whispered against his lips as my hands pulled the latch on his belt free.

He put a hand around my back to steady me as he sat up slowly, pulling off his shirt. My hands and mouth were connecting to his flesh as he pulled his legs in; now we were both on our knees, face to face. Every moan, every breath was a silent ode to the other: I want you. I love you. I need you. Don't ever stop touching me.

I gasped when he slid into me and he shuddered, breathing my name. His lips covered mine, arms holding me up and easing my body back and forth, building and building into a crescendo of pleasured and frenzied cries of lust.

When I finally opened my eyes, the candles were lit again.


	22. Territorial Pissings

22\. Territorial Pissings

"I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love. If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles. You will hardly know who I am or what I mean, but I shall be good health to you nevertheless, and filter and fibre your blood. Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged. Missing me one place search another. I stop somewhere waiting for you."

It was silent for a few moments, and then he turned his head enough to see me. "That was the end?" he asked.

"Yeah... you do realize we've been on this same book for almost a week now, right?"

"I liked it," he smiled. He rolled his head out of my lap and eased himself up next to me, sharing the trunk of a high maple. We were in a beautiful meadow filled with windflowers, bluebells, and buttercups.

"What are these called?" I wrapped my fingers gently under a flower.

"Pinkfairies," he smiled. "They're in the primrose family."

I leaned into his chest, toying with the collar of his shirt. "I don't want to leave."

"Sun just came up," he said as he wrapped his arm around me and held me close. "We have a little time."

I'd been up most of the night, my back against this tree as I sang to him and read him poetry. I mostly just didn't want to sleep because this place was overwhelmingly beautiful, the flowers in the breeze and the scent of the earth an assault I wasn't willing to part with. Unfortunately, it was catching up to me now and I couldn't stop yawning. "Can I just - "

I was being held in the air before I knew what was happening. "Someone's here," he said.

"Human?"

"Yes."

"Honey, it's probably some campers or something," I replied sleepily.

"Or some witches," he said. "Can you tell?"

I reached out with my senses, battling against my urge to just pass out wrapped in his warmth. "I'm not picking up on anything."

He set me easily on my feet. "We should still go."

I pouted a little. "Fine." I raised my arms like a child, wanting him to pick me back up so I could fly us home.

"Want to ride instead?" he asked, smiling beautifully.

That woke me up. I bounced up and down clapping my hands, "Yes! Yay!"

He chuckled and pecked me on the lips. "Silly girl."

He pulled his clothes off and folded them neatly. I tucked the whole outfit into my hoodie as he transformed before my eyes into the big sandy wolf. I climbed onto his back and gave him a good snuggle; his fur was so soft and I loved the scent that clung to him. He turned his head to confirm that I was holding on tightly, leaned back and then burst forward, heavy paws thumping the damp ground as the emerald green and brown rushed past us.

It was just exhilarating enough to keep me awake until we got home.

Seth laid me down in bed and helped me yank my jeans off when I couldn't do it by myself. He covered me up, set an alarm on my phone for me and conked out next to me for maybe an hour.

I snoozed my alarm a few times and ended up waking just minutes before a major Skype interview. I jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom to pee, checked myself out in the mirror above the sink to make sure there wasn't makeup smudged around horribly, then went to my desk and opened up my laptop. Unfortunately, as soon as the screen came to life, my interviewer appeared on mine - and I appeared on his. Sans pants.

"Liz... ?"

"Fuck!" I yelled, slamming the computer shut. I stood there for a moment with my hand on my face, embarrassed and dreading the fact that I had to look at that guy again and talk to him for awhile. I slipped my pants on and smoothed out my old Nirvana tee, then sat down calmly and reopened the laptop. This time it had a box prompting me to accept the call instead of him just being right there.

We stared at each other for a few moments; he was trying not to laugh,and I gradually went from daring him to, to laughing myself. It was ridiculous.

"That was interesting," he finally said.

I covered my face again, cheeks burning hot. "I'm sorry," I said. "I just opened the thing, your face was there... yeah. That was really embarrassing."

"I forgive you," he chuckled. "We'll just pretend that didn't happen."

"Deal," I smiled.

He started in on questions about my physical surroundings, so I had to tour my room with the laptop in hand. We talked about tons of other bands that I liked, and then of course about my band, about what was coming up touring and album wise. The guy - Keith something - was really nice and complimentary, quick witted and funny. We even did a few shots together, which was less weird on his end because it was five in the afternoon there.

Not a bad way to spend what otherwise would have been another lonely morning. Stupid regular jobs, keeping all my friends busy all day.

After I finally ate and bathed and made myself presentable, I took off to find my Ana. I was bored and it was almost sunny today; she shouldn't be locked away in a store on a day like this. She should be out with me, enjoying life.

I found her curled up in a chair with a cup of Starbucks and a worn copy of American Gods resting open in her hand. I came up silently from behind and put my hands over her eyes.

"Liz!" she said immediately, jumping up.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"I can feel you," she said. "And your hand smells like sweet cherries and full flavor cigarettes. Classic Liz."

"I've come to steal you away, my love," I sang to her.

She looked torn. "I don't know..."

"Look. We can do this the easy way... " I pulled out a pair of handcuffs from my pocket, "Or the hard way. You're coming with me."

She rolled her eyes but smiled. "Fine. Let's blow this popsicle stand."

"Beach or the bar?"

"Why not both?" she smiled.

We hit the beach first. It was too cold to get in the water, so we mostly just walked around and after awhile we found a secluded spot, sat down with a blunt and a guitar and sang and smoked and played beautiful things. I was on my yearly Kurt Cobain kick so I stuck to Nirvana while Ana picked around at some Zach Deputy and Iron And Wine covers.

We popped back by the house and changed our clothes, then set off to a bar that would hopefully not be dead this early in the day. We had only been standing by the bar for a few moments before the bartender brought us each a beer, compliments of some older guy who only nodded in our direction appreciatively like we had done him a favor by being there.

I slammed my beer like the hoodlum I was and ordered another. "Let's go upstairs," I said as it was set in front of me.

There were two guys up here shooting pool; one turned around and gawked. "Liz!"

I was scooped up and spun around, knocking the breath out of me. "G!"

"Wow! What are you doing in Washington?" He was still latched onto me.

"I live here. What about you?"

"Same," he said. "You seeing anybody?"

Wow, subtle. "I am."

He finally let me back down to my feet and looked me over carefully. "Like, you serious with 'em? Or can I holler at you?"

"She's serious," Ana grumbled beside me. She was no fan of my ex lover.

G had moved to town when we were sixteen. I met him at a bar one night, drunk off my ass and he was just so pretty. He came up to me and told me I was hot and we basically became friends at that point. Then somewhere along the way, that progressed to friends with benefits. Teenage me had wanted a relationship, but that want quickly faded. We actually had a pretty good thing going for a while.

He glanced down at my left hand. "No ring, can't be too serious. I'll be right back." He dashed down the stairs and returned moments later with a bucket of Budweiser on ice, offering it around to our now four person party.

G kept trying to slide back and forth between playing a game of pool and talking to me, which wasn't working so well because his friend sucked ass at pool. After he missed a ball for the tenth time and I cheered about it, he glared at me incredulously.

"I'd like to see you do better," he said to me, which was brazen because I'd never met this guy before.

I smirked at him. "Okay, let's play a game," I offered. "Ana and I against you and G."

Ana looked nervous. G was rubbing his hands together mischievously.

"Want to lay a bet down, ladies?" G asked.

"Sure. What's normal... twenty bucks? Fifty?" I tried to recall how much cash I had on me.

"Oh, baby. I don't want your money..."

I raised an eyebrow at him. It was easy to tell where this was heading.

"If we win, I want an evening with you."

"I'm not going to whore myself out for a game of pool," I snapped.

"No touching, nothing uncomfortable. Just you, me, maybe some Netflix, maybe a party..." He smiled slowly, considering the possibilities.

"And if we win?" Ana asked.

"Well then Liz wins a lovely night with me," he joked.

"How about this," Ana said. "If we win, you can open up a permanent tab here for us to use at any time."

"Oooooh, I like that," I smiled broadly.

He held his hand out to me. "Deal."

Poor boy didn't know what he was getting himself into.

Ana pulled me to the side as they racked up the balls. "Liz, you do realize that we're both terrible at pool, right?"

"Not anymore we're not," I winked.

"Ladies first," G offered.

I leaned down and popped the billiard ball with my cue, shooting it into the triangle of other balls. They all spun out from their formation and the nine, eleven and twelve ball all sunk into separate pockets. "Stripes," I called innocently.

G was already shaking his head. "Nice shot, Elizabeth."

"Thanks, _Aaron._ "

He smirked at my use of his real name as Ana leaned down and attempted to hit the ball with her stick. It didn't quite work. "Oh, tough luck, girl." He didn't even try to hide his satisfaction.

Ana bumped into me purposefully and glared. "This has to be believable," I whispered as G bent down and took his shot. It was a good one, should have put the guys almost even with us. Of course, I couldn't let that happen.

"Oh, tough luck," I repeated back at him mockingly.

He smiled, always cocky. "Let's see you get as lucky a second time as you did the first."

I could feel eyes on my ass as I leaned down to shoot the ball. This time I sent the ten ball into a corner pocket and smiled at them. Ana came closer to the table and I decided to help her this time; pool was just not at all her thing. I wasn't great at it but I could at least hit the ball. She got the fifteen ball and I gave it a little nudge into a pocket.

My turn again.

"Maybe we should make this a best two out of three..." G said as I leaned forward.

I cracked the white ball at an angle and it caused a perfect chain reaction from the thirteen to the fourteen to the eight ball.

"Oooooh snap!" G's friend shouted.

"Sorry, but we can't stick around," I smirked. "Better go sign off on that endless tab for us."

Ana and I left the bar all high and mighty, giggling like teenagers. I turned Bleach on in the car and we rocked out all the way back home, where we found our amazing boyfriends finishing up on dinner preparations. It smelled amazing as we all sat down together.

"So, what'd you guys do today?" Josh asked.

"Liz kidnapped me from work and took me to the beach and the bar," Ana answered him.

"Sounds fun," Seth said. "Did someone rub up against you?" he directed to me. "You smell like Axe spray and menthols."

"Yeah, Liz's ex tried to - "

"Friend!" I yelled. "G is not my ex, Ana!"

"Former fuck buddy," she corrected.

"You slept with a guy whose name is a letter?" Josh laughed.

"His name is Aaron," I grumbled.

"He tried to win her in pool," Ana giggled.

Seth stopped eating to stare at me. You knew shit was serious when he wasn't shoveling his food down. "Win her?"

"He was just being stupid," I covered. "Besides, I wouldn't have played if there was any chance of losing."

Ana switched the subject then and Seth remained quiet for the most part. Of course, I knew he'd likely bring it up again later... and as soon as we were alone, that's exactly what he did.

"You're so jealous," I teased him.

"Only with you."

"You shouldn't be."

"You have a whole lifetime of history I don't know about. I've never even heard of this guy."

I crooked my finger at him until he leaned his ear close to my mouth. "That's because he wasn't the slightest bit important. Seriously."

The left edge of his lips curved up into a half smile. "No good in bed?" he asked.

"Nope." Not even a little.

"Well. At least you swindled him, I guess."

"I'm a hustler, baby. I just want you to know."

He started tickling me and then went in for a sloppy kiss that I mostly giggled through. "At least I have that going for me, right?"

"Oh yeah, baby. That and a lot more."


	23. Die, Die My Darling

23\. Die, Die My Darling

I was on a high-top table in my shit kickers punk rocking the fuck out, dancing, thrashing, having the time of my life. I had never heard this band before and though they had the very raw edges one might associate with a garage band, they were fucking awesome. Perfect outlet for me, and they were lucky I was here because I was definitely going to pass their name around.

Some random guy was standing close, watching me like a weirdo and occasionally dodging my flying feet. He noticed me noticing him and took it as a cue to try to talk to me.

I couldn't hear what he was saying and wasn't particularly interested anyway, so I waved him off. He didn't go. I ignored him and continued jamming, but then he wrapped a hand around my calf.

"SETH!"

He was there within seconds, pushing and shoving through the crowd to me. He pulled the guy's hand away, pointed at me and distinctly mouthed, "Mine."

The guy looked up to me and I gave him a back the fuck up off me look. He shrugged and walked away.

I loved having my own personal body guard.

The singer onstage announced that they were going to play a cover. Mark and I gaped at each other as the song started and yelled, "Misfits!". I jumped off the table and jumped around with him, hair slinging everyone in its path until the last chords and a lot of feedback ended the song.

"Thank you all for coming out tonight!" The singer said into the mic, met with rounds of screaming and applause. "And huge thanks to Liz Collins for gracing us with her presence! That's a fucking honor right there." He held a beer high and I held up the shot in my hand before we tossed them back in solidarity.

I made my way up to the stage and introduced myself to him. His name was Iann-with-two-n's, and he seemed super nice.

"That was a hell of a show," I complimented as he handed me another shot and leaned back against the stage.

"Thanks," he smiled. "I saw you guys play once back in Austin. Fucking _wild_ show."

"Is that where you guys are from?"

"Nope, we're actually local. I was down there visiting family."

I nodded with a smile on my face and nabbed a pen from the merch table behind me. I gestured for his hand and he looked surprised but handed it over immediately. "This is my managers number. She's great at what she does and she can help you guys go bigger."

"Oh, wow. Thanks!"

"No problem." I glanced behind me and Seth was a good twenty feet back, glaring at Iann. "I should probably go," I said. "Cheers?"

He clinked his shot to mine and we downed them. I waved and said goodbye as he thanked me again.

Someone else was gearing up to play, but I felt done here. I slung an arm around both Seth and Mark's backs and kept on towards the door. "Let's get out of here."

Seth was more drunk than I had realized. He wrapped his arm tightly around me and kissed my cheek sloppily. "Where are we going, babe?"

"I know a place!" Mark said. "There's another show a few blocks from here. Should be starting..." He checked the time on his phone, "right about now, actually."

"You guys want to walk or get a cab?" I asked.

"Let's walk. Wouldn't want Seth puking in the back of a taxi. I don't think I've ever seen anyone drink so much in my life!" Mark answered.

We were in Port Angeles, and not exactly the nice side of town. Here, the buildings were crumbling and dilapidated and there was seediness on every corner. Hookers grouped together in their heels and lingerie, peeking into car windows when they slowed near them. Thugged out dudes leaned their backs against buildings in puffy coats with dope bulging out their pockets.

Fortunately for us, a troupe of hooligans wasn't totally out of place. I really doubted anyone would try to fuck with us.

We were being loud and fucking off while we walked, just having a good time together. This was one of my favorite groupings; Seth and Mark were so much fun. Sometimes it almost felt like I fit better with the guys than when Ana came along. She was my heart and soul but I preferred our one on ones.

Mark started to lead us down a long alleyway, too dark to see to the end of. I was immediately sketched out, even though I was a witch in the company of a werewolf. Seth was probably too drunk to fight right now and I _probably_ should avoid setting people on fire.

"Can't we take a different route?" I asked just before I took the first step between two trashed buildings with tags covering their walls.

Mark smirked at me. "I thought you weren't afraid of anything."

"I don't know who told you that," I joked.

"We have Seth. Nobody's going to fuck with him," he argued.

"Seth is drunk as fuck."

"Seth has to piss really bad," Seth said, his head flopped forward. He was leaning a little too much weight onto me.

I sighed, resigned. We were going down the alley.

"Don't worry," Mark said as he hugged me with one arm. "I'll protect you while he... relieves himself."

Seth separated from us and we continued on until we couldn't hear him going. I leaned back against the side of a building and lit a cigarette. I smiled mischievously at Mark and leaned close to his ear. "Are you scared yet?" I whispered eerily.

"Nah. I know you've got my back," he winked.

I started to laugh, and then stopped as an unease swept through me. I didn't know why, but I was suddenly frightened. "Did you hear that?"

"You're just paranoid, Legs."

A tremor rolled down my spine. "I don't think so."

"Want me to sing?" he offered. "If yo' gonna scream, scream with meeee," he started, making me giggle. "Moments like this never last!"

"How cute," another voice suddenly said. A tall, thin, incredibly beautiful woman stepped just into our view. "Oh, don't stop on my account."

Mark stepped to his left so that he was in front of me. "What do you want?" he asked incredulously. "Get out of here."

I had some knives strapped to my inner thigh... But I knew they wouldn't help us. I easily recognized that too-perfect, tinkling bells kind of voice when I heard one. This wasn't just a bad person.

It was a bad vampire.

"Mark," I said, keeping my calm. "Don't."

The impossibly beautiful creature slid down into a predatory crouch. "No, Mark. Please do." She licked her lips hungrily.

Her face turned serious and snapped to my right then, just milliseconds before Seth came running our way. He was mere feet from us when he shifted, causing the vamp to take off in the opposite direction like a frightened cat.

Mark was staring open mouthed, even after he turned around to look at me.

"Come on," I said, yanking his arm. He didn't shut his mouth but he followed, and that was good enough. We reached the end of the alley and I looked around, attempting to hone in on Seth's location. I was hoping the vampire had been smart enough to just take to the rooftops and get the fuck out of dodge.

We crossed the street and went down yet another corridor between buildings until we reached a large dumpster with a very naked Seth behind it.

"Oh, shit," I said, trying not to laugh. "I guess I should go get you some pants, huh?"

"Please," he said through tightly clenched teeth.

I squeezed into the space with him and rubbed his arm. "Did you kill her, baby?"

"No," he growled. "She got away from me. Way too many people around here."

I popped up onto my tip-toes and gave him a kiss. "I'll go find you something to wear."

I was already walking away when I heard him tell Mark to stay with me. He caught up and kept glancing back and forth from me to his feet until he settled on just staring at me. "That was Seth," he finally said.

"It was."

"And the woman?"

My face fell. "She's... something else." He deserved to know, but he might die for it. I'd already been over this scenario. "Is that where you were taking us?" I asked, pointing to another hole in the wall club. The only stores near here were gas stations and convenience stores; definitely not a place for pants.

"Um... yeah," he answered after a moment.

I lead him over to it and stopped him near the door. "Wait for me out here. I'll only be a minute."

I dug my i.d. out but the door guy stopped me, smiled, and opened the door.

I went inside and the place was totally rocking. I definitely would have hung around for a while under different circumstances. My eyes roamed the edges of the room before my feet had to carry me in deeper. There were tons of t-shirts available, but so far no pants. Not until I was all the way in the back.

Unfortunately for Seth, the pants were capri-style sweats in women's sizes, and the left leg was emblazoned with the words "Nasty Girl" in a deep red.

I bought them anyway, along with a three xl shirt for him and a little baby doll tee for myself.

I found Mark right where I'd left him, and he silently followed me back.

I tossed the clothes to Seth and he put them on without looking, then stepped around the dumpster and into full view. Mark started laughing his ass off immediately while I unsuccessfully tried to hold it in.

"You're a nasty girl!" Mark yelled, bent over at the waist.

"Only you could manage to still look sexy wearing that," I said, and I really meant it. Something about the way those pants were fitting him was making me wet.

He came closer and smacked Mark's arm. "You're just jealous of my style," he laughed.

"Let's get the fuck out of here before we get attacked again," I told them seriously. The night had turned from fun to terrifying to funny, and funny was a good note to end on.

We started towards the street and Mark swung around and stopped in front of us. "So, yeah," he started, looking Seth up and down. "Why didn't anybody tell me that Seth was a fucking werewolf?"

"I wasn't allowed!" I said quickly. I trusted Mark; I would have told him had I been allowed to.

"No one outside of the pack is supposed to know," Seth said.

"The pack? There's more of you," Mark said, excitement burning hot in his green eyes.

"You can't tell anyone," Seth warned.

"Dude. I wouldn't do that." He put a hand on Seth's shoulder. "Secret's safe."

I saw a cab headed our way and stopped to hail it. I was beyond ready to get home, get these clothes off and to be in bed with my man.

The cab driver stared at us in the rearview. "Nice pants," he said to Seth.

Once I had my gorgeous man all tucked into bed, I headed out my back door into the cool air of the night. Mark was standing out here, elbows on the banister with a smoke hanging lazily between two fingers.

"Why aren't you in bed?" he asked without looking at me.

I nabbed his cigarette and took a long drag. "Why aren't you in couch?" I laughed. "I'm not tired. I think a good wind down is in order."

"Here, here," he agreed as he lit another smoke. "I can't imagine sleeping after... everything."

I bumped him with my shoulder. "You'll get used to this. You just have to adjust your view of the world."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "It's not like this is the first time for that."

I peeked at his face and was slightly stunned at the intensity of his expression as he stared at me. "Are you okay?" I eventually asked after a stretch of silence.

He shook his head a bit and cast his gaze to the wood beneath our feet. "Yeah. I'm fine." He took another hit off his cigarette and visibly steeled himself. "You know, it's just - "

The door behind us swung open and Ana appeared in a big, fuzzy bathrobe. "Can I bum one of those?" she asked.

"It's just what?" I asked Mark as Ana leaned her head against my arm.

He half smiled. "Nothing."

My face scrunched up skeptically, but I wasn't going to push it. "Well... okay. I should probably go to bed."

Ana snuggled me sweetly and kissed me on the cheek, and Mark gave me a huge hug before I parted ways with them. Seth was quiet as I undressed and slid into bed next to him. He mumbled my name and rolled over, cuddling me close as I drifted away.


	24. Need To

24\. Need To

(Seth)

I woke up pretty early and decided to stay right where I was. I was completely sober now and felt just fine, especially with Liz's naked ass pressed firmly into my front.

The events of last night slowly flowed back into my mind and I groaned internally. I knew I needed to tell the whole pack about what happened, but I was going to put that off until a more reasonable hour. It's not like they would be angry about Mark finding out; I had to protect him and Liz. Any of them would have done the same in my place.

I peeked over Liz's shoulder so that I could see her beautiful sleeping face. I considered waking her, but she probably wouldn't like that and I didn't want to make her grumpy... even if it was adorable.

I suddenly wished that I could climb inside of her mind as she slept, poke around at her thoughts. We had been a couple off and on for three years now. Three years of love and chaos and passion, and I still sometimes caught myself feeling as if I didn't know her at all.

She never failed to surprise me. Never failed to take me to new heights. Being with her was staying right at the edge.

Even when she opened up to me, I knew there was more. I was only scratching the surface.

Things had been pretty amazing lately. For the first time since I had known her, I actually felt like it was possible she loved me as much as I loved her. Like she would fight for me if she needed to, because she kind of had.

The witch stuff was another tail spin. I had spent days feeling pissed off literally every second that I was home. I had really thought that I might end up hurting her, and that would have killed me. Even thinking it now was like a shot to my chest. How could I hurt this glorious creature that trusted me with her life, her heart, and everything in between?

Liz jerked in her sleep and started to whimper.

I touched her cheek gently with my fingertips. "Ssshhh, baby," I tried to soothe. "It's okay."

She woke up enough to roll over and latch her arms around my neck. Seconds passed before I felt the wetness of her tears on my chest.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, catching a tear on my finger.

"Bad dream," she pouted.

"You're safe."

"I know." She looked up at me with those big blue eyes, smiling through the tears. "You always keep me safe."

I felt a swell of pride. "Always," I promised.

One dainty hand glided down across my skin and her soft lips brushed my chest, sending shivers rolling along my spine. One kiss, one touch was all it took with her; I was immediately rearing to go.

I may not be able to understand Liz in some ways, but this wasn't one of them; I knew exactly what she wanted when we made love. She had never been opposed to guiding me in the beginning, and we'd been together more than enough times for me to not need a word from her anymore.

Just as the last little moans of my name rolled off her lips, I realized for the millionth time that there was no better place for me than all tangled up in her.

She laid there afterward, completely exhausted - sweaty, red faced and out of breath. Such a beautiful sight to behold. She started to laugh, then put her hand over her mouth as her eyes went wide. "Oh my god," she said. "I forgot Mark was here."

I laughed. "Think he's jealous?" I asked, because I knew that he was if he had been awake to hear any of it. He had it so bad for Liz and I was pretty sure that she was oblivious to that fact. It made me uncomfortable, but I was about ninety-nine percent positive that he wouldn't act on it. Not after last time.

"Ugh," she grumbled. "It's moving day."

"Yeah, it is." I was happy about that. It got really old listening to Josh and Ana humping like rabbits all the time. I wouldn't mind so much if they tried to keep it down a little... or if they were a little less kinky.

I gave my angel a kiss and stood up, pulling clothes out of a drawer and onto my body. "I'm going to pick up breakfast for everybody."

She smiled and my insides fluttered. "You're so sweet."

Mark was laying awake on the couch when I stopped to put my shoes on.

"Thanks for the show," he said, yawning.

"You missed all the visuals."

He laughed as he sat up and swung the blanket off of him. "I've seen enough of your naked ass, thanks."

"I'm heading to McDonald's. You want to come with?"

Korn started blaring when I turned the key in the ignition and I had to turn it down. I figured that after the events of last night, Mark and I were bound to have a talk as we rode together.

As soon as my toe touched the gas pedal, the questions started.

"What was that woman from last night?"

I cringed. I hadn't even thought of what I would say, and that wasn't the brightest move considering. "Man... I can't say. And not because I don't trust you or anything, I just can't be sure what's safe to tell you and what's not."

He considered quietly and then sighed. "Fair enough. So, how did Liz find out about everything?"

"I had to tell her," I answered.

"Was she freaked out?"

"Kind of..." I thought back to that day, a lifetime ago. "She was a lot more sketched out by the imprint."

His eyes bore into the side of my face. "Imprint?"

"Liz is my soulmate. It's just a different word for it."

I could smell the sweat he broke into. "Like... in a supernatural way?"

"Yep."

"Wow," he said, turning to look at the road in front of us. "What's that like?"

I was pulling up to order, so I had to wait to answer. We were left sitting at the window waiting on our huge order. "It's like... she's my other half. I'm in tune with her." I tried to find the words, but there weren't enough. "Basically my whole world revolves around her."

"That's crazy," he said with a shake of his head. "I can't even imagine."

I loaded his lap with food and set back towards my home. "It's actually really overwhelming in some ways. When I'm around her, I'm so lost in her. I can hear her heartbeat, every breathe she takes. I can read her moods through her physical responses, things she doesn't even realize. It's all consuming, but I never want it to stop."

"So, wait. What happened before when you guys broke up?"

I sighed. That period of time was a massive mark against me and always would be. "It was horrible. _I_ was horrible. I don't think I'd survive it if she left me again."

"Wasn't she with Darrell?"

"She was, and that was my fault. I won't ever let anything like that happen again. If another man ever touches her now... I don't care what the circumstances are. Liz is mine." He knew I meant him. She might not notice the way he looks at her, but I certainly did. That was one fantasy he needed to forget.

"What if she didn't want to be with you anymore?" he asked, poorly disguising discomfort. "I mean, I'm not saying that would ever happen, but what if it did?"

I glanced at him. "If that happens, I feel really sorry for the guy that comes after me." I couldn't accept that a second time. Every bit of me was so wrapped around her; losing her was one thing, but someone else getting her instead? No way.

"Damn, dude. I thought Liz was the violent one."

I chuckled. "I guess we both are. You carry the drinks, I'll get the food." We started up the stairs, him ahead of me.

He turned around suddenly. "Josh is a wolf, too."

"Yep," I confirmed.

"And Ana..."

"Is his imprint."

He sighed. "You guys are lucky. I want a hot girl."

Liz appeared then in the doorway. "Who's a hot girl?"

"Y-... um," was Mark's genius response.

"He means to say that you are." And fuck was he right. I bent down to kiss her as we came through the door.

The next half hour or so was spent with everyone eating breakfast as I watched Mark and Liz interact. Mark basically melted when he was around her. Every wall came down and he was almost as lost in her eyes and her smile as I always was. I wondered if there was ever a chance that something could happen between them... and I figured it was possible. If she and I ever split, he was who she would go to. She loved him back in some way.

He was the new Darrell, except I actually liked him.

I finished eating and rose from my chair. "I'm going to start packing," I announced.

Liz stopped laughing at Mark and looked at me. "You okay, babe? You seem a little grouchy."

I smiled. "I'm fine. Really looking forward to nailing you in our new guest room later."

I winked at her smiling face and walked away, hoping that I was wrong about Mark.


	25. Iowa

25\. Iowa

"He kind of freaked me out."

"How so?"

"He's really possessive of you. Like, if I can't have her no one will type of stuff."

I blew my hit into his face and he comically tried to suck up all the smoke. "It's okay. He's not even really like that, he just feels a little strongly when it comes to me."

"He said that if you guys broke up he would kill your next boyfriend. That doesn't scare you at all?"

"The last time I dated someone else, he let them beat him up until he started talking shit about me mid-fight. I really can't see Seth getting homicidal."

Mark shrugged. "I think he's worried about me and you. Which is honestly pretty flattering. I mean, I'm not gay but I know a good looking guy when I see one, and Seth is one good looking guy."

I was laughing too hard to breathe.

"What do you think about this imprint stuff?" he asked once I'd calmed back down.

"I don't know. It doesn't really make sense to me, but I mean... I guess I'm thankful for it. Seth always says that he would have loved me anyways, but I don't think he would have stuck around long enough to even get to know me under normal circumstances."

"I knew he was totally wrapped up in you before. Now I'm thinking he doesn't see anything beyond you."

I raised a brow. "Is that a bad thing?"

"Not for you, I guess," he finally answered. "Unless you ever want to leave him. Honestly, I've always thought you guys were a really odd couple. You're nothing alike. But apparently you were made for each other?"

I giggled. "I don't really get it either sometimes. I like to think that he's the calm and I'm the storm. He's a rock and I'm a river. But we're not always like that, so I'm not sure what it is... I do know that we're right, though, despite how strange it can seem."

"Does the imprint effect you the same way it does him?"

"No. It has an effect but not like it is with him. I think I love him in a more natural way." Which was just fine with me, so long as I got to keep him. I didn't care why he loved me anymore, just that he did.

He sighed. "Okay, vent over now. Thanks for listening. And to be clear, Seth is still my bro... I just needed to get that off my chest."

I shrugged my shoulders. "That's what I'm here for, right? Best friend and all." I passed him the blunt and picked up my guitar, plucking out random notes until I picked which wave to ride.

"What is that?" Mark asked as he trashed our roach.

"Slipknot," I answered.

"Holy shit. That's incredible."

I growled out a "Yeah!" before I started singing the song. "Relax, it's over. You belong to me. I fill your mouth with dirt. Relax, it's over. You can never leave. I take your second digit with me... Love. You are... my first. I can barely breathe, I find you fascinating. You are my favorite, lay you down to sleep. It's all that I can do to stop... Love. So blue, so broken. Paper doll decays, I haven't left you yet. So cold, subversive. Your eyes are full of bleach. Tomorrow, I will go away again... Love."

Mark was jamming and drumming on the table as he screamed the end with me. "You are mine! You will always be mine! I can tear you apart! I can recombine you! All I want is to covet you all! You belong to me, I will kill you to love you!"

"How do you do that?" he asked after the last few notes.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I just have an ear for it. I started doing acoustic covers with just the guitar parts and it never sounded right, so I started incorporating the other instruments. Now it's like second nature."

"You're like a jack of all trades," he smiled. He lit up another blunt, but I was getting antsy and wanted to leave.

"Let's go to the beach or something," I suggested before an idea struck me. "Oh my god!" I jumped up excitedly. "Get your shit, we're going to the beach."

He looked around, snuffed the blunt out and stuck it in his pocket. "I'm all packed."

We pulled up to an almost empty First Beach and I got my things out of the car. "I haven't shown anyone else this yet," I told him. I was strangely nervous about it.

"What's with the outfit?" He gestured to my crop top and open sided harem pants.

I glared in his direction. "Trust me, it's necessary." Or, it would be for another person. Apparently, my clothing became fire proof while on my body. Not the case if it was off my body - like, say, in my floor where I'd accidentally melted a chunk of my only Massive Attack t-shirt.

Mark sat down on a large piece of driftwood, well out of the way of any other beach-goers. "What are you going to do with those?"

I had a huge smile on my face. "Watch and see. Play the song I put on pause."

The beat started and I pushed aside my nervousness. I held my fans up close to my face and blew across the fourteen wicks, immediately igniting them. The sky grew darker, but I was in control enough to not start a huge storm.

I was thankful for the control, and I was about to put it to another test. I started to dance with my fire fans, bending and curving with the music as I made them rotate in my hands. I caught my rhythm and closed my eyes, allowing it to take me over like a wave.

I hadn't practiced this in a while and had been worried I couldn't do it anymore.

I shouldn't have been.

My natural ability combined itself with the magic inside of me and took me to a new place. I was moving without trying, I was dancing in a trance. My body felt as if it were being compelled by a greater force as the fire spun around me.

Just for a moment, I wanted badly to know what it would feel like to let the fire consume me.

I was sitting on my couch hours later, alone and stoned as I ate a burrito and wrote disturbing things in one of many notebooks when I got an unexpected interruption.

 _Wonder what she's really like. Hopefully she won't be pissed I just showed up here._

It was clear as day inside of my head, but the thoughts were not my own. I assumed it was a witch projecting to me, but as I rounded the corner to open my door for my visitor, I didn't feel that particular brand of power anywhere near me. I felt something, though.

"Oh, hey," Renesmee said, her fist still raised to knock at my door.

"Hey," I said, stepping back so she could come in. I was trying to not show my confusion, but I had no idea why she was here. We had met a few times and got along fine, but I definitely wouldn't call us friends.

 _Deftones!_

"Um... I think you're sending me thoughts," I told her. It felt like an invasion, and I wasn't into it.

"Oh... sorry," she mumbled, looking me over. "Are you... I mean, I can't project to regular people."

Oops. I'd been trying to keep the witch situation secret from the wolves and the Cullens. I wasn't sure if it needed to be, but the idea of them all knowing was scary to me. "Well, I'm not a regular person, I guess."

Her brown eyes were glowing. "You're powerful. Does anyone else know?"

"Only Seth and Josh."

She nodded her head. "Gotcha. I'll keep it to myself."

I sat down on the couch and she followed suit. "So... what's up?"

"Well... this is kind of random, but I was wondering if you'd sign this for me." She reached into her purse and pulled out my band's debut album.

It really took me by surprise. "You listen to my music?"

"Yeah, I love it!" she answered excitedly.

I turned to get a marker off the table next to the couch as she looked around.

"Is Seth here?"

"No, not til about five fifteen."

"I miss him," she said, and it made me feel bad. Seth wanted to be around me and I usually wanted to be home, or at the bar or something. We didn't do a lot of hanging with the pack anymore.

"Do you want to chill here until he gets home?" I offered, and she brightened visibly.

"That would be great," she smiled. "I've been wanting to get to know you, anyways. Your life really fascinates me. I saw that video of you with Chino Moreno..."

I tried not to laugh as much as I wanted to. That night had been a blast for me, but I guess it didn't look so good from an outside perspective, especially to people that cared about my man and understood that he didn't appreciate my little show. "Yeah, fascinating," I agreed. I repositioned my feet and the right one tapped something, causing my eyes to grow wide. I'd left my bong sitting right there in the living room floor without realizing it.

Renesmee's eyes darted down and she saw it sitting there.

"Sorry," I said quickly, picking it up to take it to my bedroom. I was pretty sure that she was only like, ten or eleven years old, which made this situation pretty inappropriate. Even if she looked the same age as me.

"Don't worry," she laughed. "I'm in high school, I see it all."

"Yeah, but if Charlie heard about that... Actually, he'd probably flip shit if he knew you were here at all." Sketchy as fuck.

"My parents know I'm here," she said flippantly. "I do a lot of things Charlie wouldn't exactly approve of."

I smiled at her. "Well, let's keep it PG just in case."

"No problem," she agreed.

I brought her downstairs and showed her around a bit, then sat across the room to smoke as she studied the art and the instruments that made up the large room's decor. She shot me a questioning glance as she ran her fingers lightly across the strings of my stage guitar, a beautiful black ESP with cherry red pickups. "You can play him... just be careful," I told her. That guitar and I had been through some shit together and it was my baby.

"It's gorgeous," she said as she wrapped the strap across her body. She slid the pick from between the strings and plucked a few notes. "I'm not a very good player," she shrugged.

I snubbed out my cigarette and walked over, turning on the amp that my baby was plugged into. I donned the nearest electric guitar and started playing the rhythm to one of my bands songs. It took her a minute, but she started copying me pretty well. "I think you're better than you think you are."

"I'm still trying to find my niche," she said. Her phone started to ring and she pulled the guitar free and set it gently back in its stand before answering.

I wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything, but she was standing mere feet from me and having this very teenager-y giggle fest as she twirled a ringlet curl around one of her fingers. So clearly talking to a boy.

"You and Jacob are so cute," I told her after she had hung up.

"Oh, that wasn't Jake. That's my boyfriend Tyler."

My mouth actually dropped open. I was totally stunned and I wasn't completely sure why, but the feeling wasn't waning.

"Yeah, weird, I know." She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Jake has this problem with me where my age really bothers him... I got tired of waiting."

"I thought that you guys were a couple," I responded. I distinctly remembered seeing them kiss one time at a bonfire.

"We actually were for awhile. Like, I got to say he was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend, but he wouldn't do anything beyond hold my hand and kiss me like somebody kisses their mother."

"Oh." So it was a physical thing. And I had no idea what to say to her.

"I kind of started dating someone else out of spite. And now I'm still stuck because I want to be with Jake but I want more from him than he's willing to give to me."

"Um... Well." This was going to be weird. "Do you... ya know. Take care of yourself?"

She looked kind of confused.

I sighed and looked at the floor. "Do you masturbate?"

"Oh," she giggled. I looked up and she was blushing. "Well, yeah. But I want the real thing."

"You're in a pickle. Is it just the age thing that bothers him?"

"Ugh. Yes. And it's not like I can make time move as fast as I do. I need him to see me as a woman instead of a little girl or a teenager."

I looked her up and down; her body was extremely similar to mine, both in height and width. But she was wearing flare jeans, a white t-shirt with a bubblegum pink jacket on top, and sneakers. "Alright, hun. Let's do a makeover."

It didn't even take an hour to turn her from a teeny bopper to an edgy woman. She was so pretty that she barely needed makeup, but that eyeliner was doing wonders.

Seth came in as I was styling her hair and looked really surprised. "Hey, Ness!" I backed up for a moment so they could hug each other without me in the way. He gave me a big kiss, lingering just long enough to ensure my blood was boiling. "You guys having a girls day?"

"I guess so," I laughed as I mussed Renesmee's long, coppery waves. "Check you out," I said to her as I spun my computer chair around.

She examined herself, smiling slowly before peeking up at me. "Think this will work?"

"I think it kind of ups your chances," I shrugged.

She looked over at Seth. "Can we all hang out soon? I was planning on staying here for a while because I haven't seen you in forever..." she smiled devilishly at me. "But I don't want to put this to waste."

She and I traded numbers and promised to get together soon before I sent her off. I wasn't sure if I'd done her a favor or if I should be jailed for helping a pre-teen aged girl get laid for the first time.

Probably both.


	26. Dogma

25\. Dogma

I paused nervously outside the double doors to a club and decided to smoke before I went in. I needed time to adjust my face and demeanor to exude something that wasn't anxious driven.

I had needed a night to myself, which had resulted in me having to sneak out. Seth was so worried about me being away from him lately that he was treating me like a child, so I figured I could go ahead and act like one.

All that I wanted was a night. I was dressed to kill and ready to rage without anyone close to me looking over my shoulder.

A group of people walked by and went inside, except for the last one. He paused and stared at me as the door shut in his face. "You playing tonight?" he asked as if we knew each other.

"Nope." I wasn't sure who was. I wasn't even sure how I'd found this place. I'd left my home with the intention of going to a show, and somehow the road led me here.

He was openly eye fucking the shit out of me. "Cool," he said with a smile.

He held the door for me as we went inside and I immediately liked this place. It was dark, dank and had this techno-goth feel. The air was thick with the scent of whiskey and clove smoke, Marilyn Manson was playing low through the speakers saying, "Burn the witches, burn the witches."

I was being marked conspicuously from all directions; a girl near the stage, a girl behind the bar, a girl by the pool table.

Witches.

We could feel each other.

I met each pair of eyes with my head high, slow and may be their place, but tonight it belonged to me. Every single bit of my being was absolutely buzzing with magic, and they were barely blips on my supernatural radar.

I had been contemplating if I would actually drink tonight. I was alone and had to drive myself home, so getting plastered was out of the question... but I could down a few and still be fine to drive.

I went up to the one bartender that recognized me for what I was. "Cherry vodka," I ordered, holding up three fingers. _You'll regret it if you fuck with me tonight._

"Liz Collins?!" a random guy asked, pushing the stool beside me out of the way. "Wow! What are you doing here?" I looked him over and was reminded of that pick-up artist term: peacocking. From the mohawk-slash-bandana combo to the machine cut sleeves of his partially open "rock" vest, it was very clear this guy was looking for attention.

I smiled. "Just came to see the show." Stick around for a while. This one could get wild.

"Will you sign me?" he asked. "I'm a huge fan!" There was a hint of New York in his voice.

"Of course," I replied.

He asked a passing shooters girl for a marker before turning back to me. "I'll get this tattooed on me," he promised.

"Cool." And kind of weird.

He told me his name was Frank and a ton about himself - he was from Staten Island, played guitar for a band, and had an eleven year old son. He seemed super nice. I would have paid better attention had I not been being watched so closely by the trio of women whose eyes kept shifting back to me. They were trying so hard to keep their cool, but I could feel the tension aimed at me.

And I liked it. I liked the knowledge that they were frightened and intimidated by me. It reaffirmed what my instincts were telling me; something was going to go down, and I was going to win. Their fear fueled my confidence.

I was tossing back a shot when I had to really ask myself how I was going to handle this. Was I ready to take a life if I had to? Would doing so make me a monster?

I shuddered. I didn't want to be that person. I would defend myself and I would defend others, but I wasn't willing to compromise for murder over some magical bullshit that I just happened into a few weeks ago.

I didn't want to be like Darrell.

I started to feel funny. Tired, like I could just fall over into this chair and pass out cold. Slow, like a thick fog creeping in. Sloppy, like I had no control of myself at all. No way were three shots responsible for this.

That fucking bartender had drugged me.

I started fighting it. I'd been slipped on before and had tranquilized myself plenty of times, but I had never attempted to stay awake through it. It wasn't easy - my body slumped into a seat, head kept tipping over to one side or the other, my mouth actually popped open a few times even though my eyes were open. It took so much longer than it should have to pull my phone from my small purse, and then I couldn't even unlock it to call for help.

"Are you okay?" a feminine voice inquired from just behind me. "Let me help you."

My head flopped onto her shoulder as she assisted me across the wide room to a bathroom. Her magic was like a sweaty stink that clung to her skin, dirty at its core.

She threw me into the corner of the bathroom like a sack of potatoes. I could hear the loudness of the club as the door opened again, another witch or two joining us in this small space.

"You sure she's out?"

"Look at her." I felt something lightly push at my shoulder and I was suddenly on my back.

"She's a junkie, though."

"I'm aware. I gave her plenty."

"What are we going to do with her? Can we kill her right here?" This voice was unique, because you could actually hear the stupid in it.

"No, idiot!" one of the others shrieked. "You're going to take her to Lira."

"I am?" stupid voice asked.

"Yes. We have to get her to your car."

I was lifted up precariously and taken away. They thought I was asleep, and I was damn close but no way was I letting them do something to me. I was biding my time, trying my hardest to conjure up the energy necessary to move on my own.

They set me upright in a vehicle. My charade wasn't difficult as my body was completely limp anyways; they attempted to pose me, and then just decided to say that I was passed out drunk if we were stopped for any reason.

I was looking at a divide and conquer. Three witches all at once with me in this state of drowsiness? Probably a bad idea. But as soon as I was able...

We were traveling now, just the one stupid chick and I. I gathered every ounce of power within myself and finally opened my eyes. "Thanks for the lift, babe," I told her, my voice much stronger than expected.

She began to scream just before I clapped my hands to her head and something inside of me pulled at the source of her power. It wasn't much, but the magic flowed straight from her to me, nestling itself inside of me where it allowed itself to be reformed into who I was. Her car slowly drifted off into a drainage ditch.

She was alive but passed out. Bitch was lucky I didn't slit her throat.

I left her there. Just got out of the car and walked the short distance back to the club. I was still a little wobbly, but the addition of power and my adrenaline had combined into enough of a recharge to stay upright.

I threw the doors of the club open and a feral, commanding voice rose from my own throat. "OUT!"

Everything went quiet for a moment, and then every single patron in the place started to clear out without question. The man I had spoken to briefly outside was the last person out, and he shut the door behind him.

I made a little fire in my palm as I stalked closer to the two remaining witches. "Let's play a game," I said nonchalantly, physically tossing the fire up into the air like a rubber ball.

They exchanged a loaded glance with one another. "So you _are_ like us," the bartender said.

"I'm nothing like you," I snapped. "You're nothing like me."

"You're Dark," she said.

I felt pretty fucking dark; I felt enraged. I quenched the fire in my fist, crossed the room and wrapped my fingers around her throat. I picked her up and slammed her down on the bar. I was so close to pulling a Darrell and spitting in her face. "Cunt," I growled. "You drugged me so you could kill me without me fighting back."

The other one suddenly jumped onto my back, and I had to let go of the first to fling the second off of me.

"Cohibete!" the bartender yelled towards me. I was suddenly stuck in place, like my feet had been super-glued to the floor.

That was a mistake on her part, and I intended to show her that. Her magic wasn't strong enough to hold me for more than a few seconds.

"You want to play with magics, bitch?" I could feel the Earth willingly sharing it's energies with me, filling me. "Serpentes, venit. Slither libere. Tolle inimices meis."

Forming out of thin air, snakes suddenly covered the floor, the bar. They even hung from the rafters and off of three of us. I was perfectly comfortable with that, but the other girls were screaming in horror and losing their shit. I used the momentary distraction to poke around a bit at the powers they radiated. I figured there was no harm in taking them into myself... so I did. Just sucked them right out of the air.

I was floating, both metaphorically and literally. The drugs were wearing off but weren't gone, and the addition of power had taken me into the air as my skin glowed radiantly.

"Nube discussa!" The bartender was yelling as she threw snakes across the room. It had no effect; she was completely powerless now, but she kept trying. "Conteram incantatores!"

I repeated her words and the snakes disappeared into tiny poofs of dust. I clapped my hands together once and produced a huge fireball, one big enough to take this whole building down in minutes.

"Say goodnight," I told them.

"No!" the bartender cried as the other girl yelled, "Please!"

I hesitated, then stopped completely. These chicks had royally pissed me off, but I was in no danger from them now. If ever there was a time to exercise control over my temper, now had to be it.

The fire faded on its own. "Alright, ladies. I'll let you live today... but you still have to pay." I focused very hard on this place back home, this abandoned mine opening that I'd stumbled upon when I was eleven or twelve. It was about three miles deep in the woods from any direction. I held the image in the forefront of my mind as I smiled at them. "Enjoy your trip!"

They gawked at me, and then they were gone.

I dropped to my knees and stared at my hands on the floor. I felt completely drained, but not of magic... there was a familiar rock in my gut as my brain screamed at me.

I was already running to my car when I realized I didn't have my purse, which meant I didn't have my keys. I was crying and shaking, totally out of control. The handle on my car door sparked when I touched it and immediately popped open, despite it being locked moments before. I climbed in and ripped the glove box open, searching out an emergency cigarette. It lit itself between my lips as my car roared to life.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" I yelled, my wrists colliding with the steering wheel. "Fuck..." I was spiraling out, recalling every bad decision I'd ever made. Coming here tonight being one of them, having a magical slapdown and teleporting two helpless girls to the middle of Bumfuck being two and three. Just... fuck.

I _was_ like them. I was fucking terrible.

I wiped my tears away and started out of the parking lot.


	27. Orestes

27\. Orestes

"Can you lick your guitar?"

I almost started to when Bradley whistled and then I started to laugh. This felt so ridiculous in this setting. I could definitely turn it on, and often did at that... but not in front of my band. I was one of the guys with them, not the temptress I was supposed to be right now.

"Think sexy, Liz!" the producer called to me.

"Yeah, Liz. Think SEXY!" John yelled from the sideline.

I flipped him off. "This sexy enough for you?"

"Always, babe," he answered with a wink.

Seth cleared his throat loudly as his eyes shot daggers all around. He didn't like John much.

"If we're going to do this and do it well, you guys need to go," I said as I pointed over at them.

The producer - Lenny? Lemmy? I don't even know - smiled broadly at me. "You all heard the lady. Clear out!" He watched quietly as they started filing out of the set.

"Seth stays," I amended quickly as he started towards the door, too. He turned back to me and smiled. "Get behind that camera, baby." I need to look at something gorgeous if I'm expected to sell my own sexuality.

"Alright, just the three of us, honey. Do your thing."

We were busy shooting until two in the morning and everyone was _so_ over it at that point - everyone except me. I was totally fucking pumped, bouncing and dancing as we walked in the cold streets of Chicago in search of a hotel and something to eat.

We passed a group of people that I didn't pay any mind until I heard, "Elizabeth fucking Collins!"

I whipped around ready to snap, but quickly recognized the smiling face of the woman before me. "Holy shit! Mel!"

She flicked her cigarette into the street and gave me a huge, borderline sensual hug. "What are you doing in Chicago?"

"We had to work on a video. Do you live here now?"

"Yeah, I've been here a while."

"Liz," Brad whined, snapping me out of my nostalgic meeting. "We're starving."

"Oh, let's go get some food!" Melody said quickly.

She lead us all a block and a half over to an all hours bar and grill called The Edge, chattering excitedly with me. The guys ordered a ton of food for themselves and for me, but Mel said she couldn't eat here because she was on a vegan diet.

I couldn't believe I just happened upon her randomly, although it definitely wasn't the first time that had happened to me. I'd known Melody through my teenage years, and we had raised a lot of hell together. We were actually really close. When we were seventeen, she got busted huffing spray paint in this abandoned house and she was shipped off to a juvenile detention facility. I wrote to her for a long time, but we eventually lost contact.

"So how's the old crew?" she was asking. "Ana and Jess and everyone."

"I don't talk to Jess anymore. Ana moved to Washington with me."

"How's Darrell?"

I cringed a bit. "He's in prison for murder."

"Wow, holy shit..." She started picking at the edges of her sleeves. "I've seen you. On tv and in magazines and shit. It was such a surprise at first, but I should have guessed you'd become a rock star at some point."

I snickered. "I guess."

"Hey..." she began, a hint of mischief in her voice. "Come to the bathroom with me." And of course she had blow. She pulled out the little bag and without asking if I wanted any, cut out a neat line for me and handed me a rolled up hundred.

"Uhh... I'm good on that tonight." Or forever. Who knows?

"More for me," she smiled before whiffing up the blow. "Dude. I saw that video of you with the singer from Deftones," she said, giggling. "That was amazing."

"Yeah..." I cringed. "My boyfriend disagrees." And is possibly listening to this conversation.

"Tall, dark and handsome one?" She stepped behind me and dropped her pants.

"Yeah," I answered, full blown swoony just thinking about him. "He's awesome."

"Must be if he's got you making ick face at a dude you've dreamed about since adolescence." She redressed and sat back down, then pulled some airplane bottles of Jim Beam out of her boots.

"Aw, Mel... I taught you so well."

She laughed. "I know, right?"

She had a full six pack of teeny liquors and we smashed each of them in quick succession. After a long day under hot lights and little food, it was hitting me quick. I was dancing around singing, "Drunk in the bathroooooom," and Melody was giggling as we finally exited the small space. I leaned over and whispered into her ear, "Drunk in the restaurant, drunk in the restaurant."

Seth was smirking at me and she was eyeing me and the door.

"Baby?" I asked, wide eyed and fake innocent.

He feigned annoyance, but he was still smiling as he sighed. "Go ahead. But you better be careful."

I smiled. "Promise."

We set off with our arms hooked, bullshitting around and laughing together. I wasn't sure where we were going, but I didn't really care. I hadn't seen Mel in years but I could tell she was the same girl that used to come to my house in the middle of the night bawling her eyes out over her horrible father to drink her cares away with me. I trusted her as much as I could.

She swung down an alleyway and frowned up at the fire escape. "I hate when they push my stairs back up," she said.

"You need up there?" I asked.

"Yeah... I need a ladder or something."

I looked up at the staircase and it immediately slid back to the ground. "Not anymore," I smiled.

She eyed me. "You didn't become afraid of heights over the years, did you?"

"Nope."

"Good." She turned back to the metal rungs and started up, so I blindly followed.

She went all the way to the roof. There was a tent set up here, one big enough for four people. I was really curious as to why when she walked over to it and went inside. I hung back, staring at the tent as some type of light clicked on inside.

She popped her head out. "You coming?"

I took a few steps, crouched down and entered the tent. There was a futon mattress in here, clothes, blankets and toiletries strewn about. My eyes touched on an old, worn Hank III shirt and I had to stifle a gasp. "Mel... are you living here?"

"Yep," she said easily. "Trust me, up here is about a million times better than down there."

"You can't stay here."

She cracked a fresh bottle of Beam and swigged it. "I didn't have a choice."

I took a drink off the bottle and passed it back. "Well, fuck that. Now you do. Come home with me."

She half smiled. "I don't want to impose..."

"No, for real dude. Ana just moved out of my guest room. It's yours."

She looked like she was going to cry, then she threw her arms around me. "Thank you."

Back in my comfy little sunless corner of the world, I somehow found myself standing outside of the door to the La Push Community Center, wishing I could just fast forward through the next few hours of my life. I had spent years refusing these types of functions, because I'd honestly rather be doing just about anything. Fucking anything.

I eyed the pastel colored balloons tied to the handle of the door and rolled my eyes, stepping to the side and around the corner of the building. I lit up a cigarette and leaned back, looking up to the sky. I could escape right now if I wanted to; I could shoot straight off into the air. Work up some crap excuse later.

"There you are!" Leah stopped about a foot away from me and I shifted to blow my hit out in the opposite direction. "I've been missing you, sister in law."

I smirked. "Not exactly, but I miss you, too."

"Imprinting is more serious than marriage," she shrugged.

I noticed the faraway look in her eyes and considered something for the first time. "Can you imprint?"

Her eyes narrowed and widened. "I don't know."

I swear, I got so wrapped up in my own shit sometimes that I missed a ton of obvious things. Leah and Embry were an item - they had been a pretty casual, off and on thing until she got pregnant, and now they lived together in Seattle and planned on raising the baby together. But no one had ever mentioned if either of them had imprinted... so Leah didn't know if she even could, and Embry could at any point and leave Leah.

I was too scared I'd say something stupid or hurtful, so I just stared at her as my brain spun through the possibilities.

"We have a plan... in case either of us does," she finally said.

"Oh?"

She shrugged. "It was the practical thing to do. If either of us wants to go at some point, we're free to. We just have to be good parents."

"Do you guys... Like, do you love him?" I couldn't imagine having a conversation like that with someone I loved. Discussing what would have to happen if one of us suddenly wanted to be with someone else.

"Well," she started, and then Emily popped around the corner.

"Come on, guys! We're just about to start the games!"

I hid my grimace, put on the world's fakest smile, and followed them in. Leah and Emily were lucky that I love them, because otherwise you couldn't pay me a million bucks to spend an evening with this many middle aged women, playing games like Guess The Fake Poop In The Diaper and fucking Baby Bingo.

Sue smiled at me warmly when my eyes met hers, and she gestured to the seat next to her. My heart immediately jolted somewhere up my throat... I, girl who was afraid of so few things, was absolutely fucking terrified of my boyfriend's mother. Not that she was mean to me or something, it was just this thing with me. I knew there was no way she approved of me, and I guess I recognized that her opinion was more valuable than most in the grand scheme of Seth and I.

I tried to remain calm inside as I sat down beside of her. "Hi," I said, trying to smile.

"Hi, honey. Haven't seen you for quite some time."

"Yeah," I agreed lamely.

"My son taking good care of you?" she asked as if she didn't already know.

"Always," I half smiled.

"I-twenty nine," the chick calling for Bingo droned.

Sue put a little bean on my card. "He says you two have been doing well," she said, almost like a lead in.

I couldn't tell where she was going with it. "I'd say so," I responded awkwardly as the woman up front called another letter and number.

Sue put another bean down on mine. "I was hoping you two would tie the knot soon. Get started on that family."

I started to laugh out of sheer nervousness and choked on it. Then a sort of panic began to set in. For one, I wasn't there yet. I loved Seth, but the whole idea of marriage was such bullshit to me, and I wasn't ready for kids yet. And two... this was the absolute last thing I'd ever expect to hear this woman say. Maybe it was a baby fever thing; Leah was going to have one, but she wasn't as close to Sue.

"Oh, Bingo!" she suddenly yelled, grabbing my hand and holding it high. I was still limp, mouth open and eyes wide.

Someone came to me with a gift bag; I looked inside and saw a box of Rubbermaid food storage containers and a small part of me was kind of satisfied about that. I worked my features back into some semblance of normal and said thank you to the woman as she walked away.

"I, um... Well." That was all that was coming out.

She actually laughed at me. "I know, I know. Seth says you're not huge on the marriage idea. But I do hope you'll reconsider."

"Maybe one day." I tried to picture myself getting married, and it wasn't even a big deal... but that was the problem. Marriage didn't mean fuck all to me. What was the point?

I continued to ponder it, unable to pull myself from my thoughts. Sue eyed me a few times, but didn't push for conversation. I was trying to wrap my head around it... around why I didn't care anymore. I'd spent six months planning a fairy tale wedding that I never went through with, flip-flopped back and forth multiple times, then just suddenly stopped giving a shit and it became a non issue.

Did Seth still want to get married? He hadn't brought it up in a really long time. Then again, our whole lives lately revolved around my music stuff and crazy supernatural shit. We didn't have time to think about getting married.

Sue kissed my cheek goodbye before I got into my car. "Come for dinner soon," she said.

"We will," I promised. I considered telling her to shoot for a day when Charlie wouldn't be around, but figured she already knew. Plus, it sounded rude.

I blasted A Perfect Circle all the way home. I was grabbing my bag and opening my door when it suddenly jerked free of my hand.

"Missed you, gorgeous."

I was out of the car and in his arms, my lips finding his with ease. "Hi," I whispered against his surprised mouth.

I heard my bag drop to the ground and then my backside was against the metal of my vehicle, Seth pushing into my front. One feverish hand slipped beneath my shirt to clutch at my side, the other wound into my hair, pulling gently at the roots. His mouth was hot and soft, moving with mine until the heat moved lower, pooling in my belly. I was clutching his back with both hands until I was clawing him to me, begging him silently not to stop.

"Wow," he panted, his forehead touching mine. "So, baby showers get you all horned up, huh?"

I smiled, my head still tucked to where he couldn't see. "Babe... do you still want to get married?"


	28. Jonestown Tea

28\. Jonestown Tea

I was blaring music through my home, trying to immerse myself in the feel of it. I'd been at it for a week now and was probably driving everyone around me crazy, but I needed to. I had seven different notebooks scattered around me, writing in some and picking through others as something cohesive formed. It wasn't an easy process.

Writing with a group was such a challenge. Especially when you kept your band at arm's length when you weren't out on the road with them.

I had too much shit going on. Melody was my guest room's newest occupant and she was a good roommate, but moving someone new in so quickly was stressful. Mark had been over almost every day and most nights since we'd come home from Chicago; he'd spent some nights on the couch, but I was pretty sure he was also spending some with Mel. Seth had been all over my ass lately - not that I was complaining, but people were coming and going from my house at all hours and I could barely keep my freaking pants on. And my powers...

I lived in this world of If I Want It, It's Mine. I felt like I was bursting with it, like there was magic attached to every fiber of my being and it was still trying to grow. The problem was, I couldn't help but be afraid of it. It seemed that my head was done spontaneously combusting... I had enough control for that. Even the storms were less frequent as of late. But sometimes, when I started to feel a bit... overwhelmed... I could feel something brewing, both inside myself and far beyond. Something ugly as fuck.

I got a text from Joe telling me to come to the studio and responded, "Do I have to?". I was just starting to catch a flow. He insisted, so I packed up and hit the road, leaving Forks in the dust. I was blasting music and screaming to it, slamming around in my seat as I drove to psyche myself up. I probably looked fucking crazy but hey, I had a job to do... and it was super fun.

I finally parked outside of The Hive and waved to my guys as I lit a cigarette on the way out of my car. "You all realize I'm completely unprepared for this, right?"

"You've got this, trust me," Joe said. "We got this awesome instrumental piece going. We just need you to lay down rhythm and some voice, but no lyrics."

"You could always pull a Corey Taylor and just get naked, cut yourself and puke everywhere... but then they might charge us for cleaning," John said.

I grimaced. "I think I'm good on that, thanks. I've been trying to get in the mode... it's more difficult than usual."

"You smoke today?" Bradley asked.

"I smoke every day," I smirked.

"Want some speed?" he asked, producing a handful of adderall.

"Ummm... no. I think I'll pass." I flicked my cigarette into an ashtray and started through the door of the studio.

We went into the listening area and they started their track. It was incredible as it was - though it would sound a lot more complete with rhythm guitar - but I could see where it needed a little something extra. Not a whole mass of lyrical content, just a bit to smooth it's edges... or to rough them up a bit. I listened to it five times as I started fitting myself into the groove of it, pulling at the ever present anger inside of me.

"I've got this," I finally said. I went into the booth and turned the lights down, put on the headphones and plugged up my guitar. The music started in my ears and I was coming in slow with some distortion before I started to flow in. "I just want to watch the world burn," I whispered into the mic.

I was fully entrenched, screaming and crying when every light bulb around us suddenly shattered mysteriously. I had no idea how in the fuck I was supposed to perform under these conditions... I had to get this shit under control. Fully.

"Incredible!" John yelled as I came out of the both. He grabbed me up in a bear hug, surprising the shit out of me.

"You should hang with us today, Liz," Bradley said.

It was so tempting. I had to be here in Seattle tomorrow anyways, and I wasn't looking forward to driving back and forth. "Let's get some food and I'll consider it."

I loved hanging with my band like this. No shows, no pressure or time constraints, just three dudes and a crazy chick having a good ol' time, getting drunk and rowdy and fucking with each other.

I heard "No-no-no-Notorious" come through the speakers and was up, yelling for someone to turn it up so I could rap it and dance as the guys jumped in. I'd gone from screaming metal to spitting it with Biggie... not bad for a Tuesday afternoon.

We all went back to the shitty apartment the guys were being forced to share for however long it took us to work on this record. They hadn't been here long and it was already completely disgusting; trash and dirty dishes all over, bong water and beer spilled all over the table and an orchestra of mysterious smells were the highlight of the common area.

"You guys are fucking gross," I said as I started carrying trash and dishes to the kitchen. "You have a fucking dishwasher!" I yelled as they laughed.

I spotted a magazine laying on the counter that had a new interview with Joe featured on the cover. "Joe Faruggia talks drugs, metal, and Liz Collins."

I grabbed it and a six pack from the fridge before trying to find an unsoiled seat back in the living room. "You didn't tell me you had a new piece out," I accused.

Joe sighed. "They kept steering everything back towards you."

I scanned the article and he wasn't wrong; almost every question pertained to me in some way. They didn't seem to be interested in Joe or our music, just looking for gossip from a member of my band. It was fucking ridiculous.

"Fuck them," I finally said. "They must have snagged a shitty reporter from People or something."

Bradley got up and turned on some music, and then the room froze. Everyone was just stuck like a statue as I looked around, completely confused. Had I accidentally stopped time?

There was this weird feeling in my gut which spread quickly throughout my body, like being pulled to pieces and squished all together simultaneously. I bent over, clutching my stomach and chest together as I tried to catch my breath. I needed to physically hold the pieces of myself.

"We need your help, Elizabeth."

"Liz," I snapped, still panting. "You know, that's a lot less terrible when I do it myself."

"Sorry," Cecily said with a frown. "The journey is usually rough for us. I just needed you and I didn't have time to waste."

I wiggled my limbs, trying to shake the ick. "So, what's the deal?"

"One of ours is injured. We've been trying to heal her... it's not enough. And one of theirs is coming."

"Alright," I said, cracking my knuckles and neck. "Let's get this over with."

She started walking me through the room - it appeared to be some sort of home library, the kind you only see in really refined, rich people houses. The next room had nothing in it but a large table, and on it the form of a young woman.

"Do you need help?" she asked before I headed in.

"Nah," I shrugged. I'd never tried this before, but I got a ton of things right on the first try. Why should this be any different?

The power inside of me was immeasurable. Like a well that ran from one side of the Earth to the other, and within it was centuries and galaxies full of fiery rage, flowing water, a dance of beautiful energies.

The girls breath was coming in uneven bursts and she was so clearly in pain. There was sticky blood and sweat covering her burnt skin and what was left of her clothes, her flesh bubbling and blistering. She couldn't even open her eyes to look at me.

"What's your name?" I asked her, pushing her fried hair away from her face.

"Li... Lily," she whimpered, and it hurt my heart.

I bent over her face until the tips of our noses touched. "This is going to get a bit intimate," I warned. I laid my parted lips to hers in a soft kiss, breathing health into her.

It only took seconds. I could feel it flowing, my power into her, my life into her. It was so pure and it was so real that I felt I could touch it. A wispy physical embodiment of love.

Her blue eyes almost mirrored my own, and I realized I'd seen this girl before... maybe more than once.

"Thank you," she said as she sat up and looked over herself. "The pain is completely gone."

"You're that girl from the library," I said.

She smiled beautifully. "I'm Lily. We've actually met before..."

"That show..." I remembered now. I'd met her backstage in Colorado after a set my band played. I'd gone too hard that night - first on whiskey and various other chems, then on stage because the crowd was huge and I was feeling it. "You gave me that notebook."

She held her finger to her lips. "Shhhh," she winked.

"You look a lot like me," I commented as my eyes focused on her piece by piece. She was blonde and blue eyed, thin and pale, she even had the whole grungy-slash-rock-slash-metal-slash-barbie doll thing going with her black dress, knee high boots and flannel shirt.

"Wow... thank you," she said as she nervously twisted a lock of hair much shorter than my own.

I just smiled. "I should probably get back."

"You should come back... when you're free to."

I nodded. "Okay." A moment later, I found Cecily in the same place I'd left her. "She's fine now. Let me know if you need anything else."

"But, the Dark One - " she began to argue.

"I've got it," I answered, my eyes closed and searching. I could feel the other.

I blinked myself to her; she was in the woods, pretty close to where ever Cecily had brought me to originally and she was running before I stopped her in her tracks, wrapping her up in my arms. I moved us in an instant, but she was fighting and thrashing, and I overshot. I'd been aiming for the coastline, this cliff that I knew would be free of watchful eyes. Instead, we landed in the icy cold water of the Pacific Ocean.

She was going so nuts in my grip that she choked on some water and puked.

"Gross!" I yelled, tightening both my arms and legs around her.

I was still conflicted as to what exactly I was supposed to do when I encountered these bitches. Was I expected to kill them? Cecily hadn't told me. Cecily hadn't told me much of anything, really.

"Hold still!" I slapped the girl in the face.

She reared back, ready to punch me and I whipped my hand upwards, sending her high into the air before crashing her back down into the water. I'll be damned if this bitch fucks up my face right now.

She came up near me for air and I touched a fingertip to her nose, drawing out her magic. Her well was empty while mine was ever growing.

She screamed and wretched away from me, rearing her open hand back once more.

I grabbed her wrist, bobbing around in the icy water. "You want to live? Quit fucking trying to hit me!"

She was crying in anger as I sent her back to the beach with a wave of my hand. I didn't know what else to do with her, and I guessed it didn't matter much where I sent her since I'd rendered her powerless.

I popped myself back to the guys apartment without thinking, and time immediately started to move again in the small space. They all started looking around in complete and utter confusion until their eyes found me standing by the door... not on the couch where I'd been a moment before, and somehow soaking wet.

I didn't have an excuse, so I just smiled and said, "Could someone get me a towel, please?"


	29. Atmosphere

29\. Atmosphere

I was floating on a cloud.

Literally.

Ana had come to me this morning and said she'd dreamed it last night but had no idea how to make it happen. So, of course, I popped us out to a huge area of low-lying cloud cover in the highlands of Scotland. Clouds were a gas, obviously, so I had to use magic to actually float there. But it still counted, I thought.

It was a strange idea I guess, but I was so glad she'd had it. Never in my life had I felt as peaceful as in this moment, lying on air and holding the hand of my best friend. Never in my life... except during my death.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you, Ana Banana. I'm glad we did this."

"It's perfect, isn't it?" she sighed, content. "I wonder when I'll be able to do stuff like this on my own."

"I think you should go to Cecily and the rest of the coven. They'd be able to teach you this stuff. I would teach you myself if I had any idea what the hell I was doing."

She looked over, smiling at me lazily. "I'll go to them. Soon. But not today." She started to hum, and I swayed a little before recognizing the tune.

"People like you find it easy," I sang. "Naked to see, walking on air. Hunting by the rivers, through the streets. Every corner abandoned too soon... set down with due care. Don't walk away... in silence. Don't walk away."

My phone started ringing and Ana laughed. "That is some damn good reception," she commented.

"Hey baby," I spoke into the phone.

"You around, gorgeous?"

"Currently riding the atmosphere. Want me to bring you out here?"

He sighed. "I think I'll pass, but... are we still doing dinner tonight?"

My eyes shot open wide. "I'm so sorry, honey. I'll be home in a second, okay?"

He just chuckled at my forgetfulness. "I love you."

"And I love you." I hung up and took Ana's hand once more. "We gotta roll, babe."

I sent Ana back to her house first; more specifically, I popped her into her and Josh's bedroom closet to fuck with both of them. I had a little giggle about it before shifting myself back to my own home.

I could hear Seth in another room while I swapped my sliced leggings, t-shirt and hoodie for a slinky, backless black dress.

The door was pushed open and he was standing there smiling, dressed in some jeans and a button up. We appraised each other silently, both pleased with what we saw. He crossed the room and snatched me up into a hug, too tight at first and then much softer.

I sang the whole way to the restaurant, just belted everything out as horribly as I felt like. He was nice enough to only laugh at me occasionally without commenting or asking me to shut the fuck up.

We sat down at our small round table in C'est Si Bon, our faces bright in the candlelight. I could feel his eyes on me as I started looking through the menu.

"You know I don't speak French, right?"

"You didn't used to speak much Latin either, and look at you now."

I smirked at him. "Maybe I can enchant the menu," I suggested.

"Or we could just Google stuff," he countered.

I shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat, babe."

He was now looking over his own menu and translating things on his phone, but I kept catching his eyes on me.

"Why do you keep looking at me?" I asked nervously.

"I've missed you lately," he admitted. "I feel like I haven't spent any time with you in weeks. And of course, I'm looking at you because you're the most beautiful thing in the world, and you're sitting across from me." He closed his menu and set it to the side. "Just order two of whatever you want. I don't care about the food."

I could feel my eyes widening, a gasp of air sliding past my lips. I reached tentatively across the table and he grasped my hand... it wasn't enough contact, but it was all we could manage in a restaurant. I needed to be close to him.

The waiter came then to take our orders. "Supreme... De vol - "

"Supreme de volaille chardonay," he pronounced perfectly, covering my blunder with an easy smile. I guess my new linguistic skills didn't apply to French.

I held up two fingers. "Ummm... merci?"

"Oui. Merci m'dame."

"What did you get?" Seth asked once the waiter was gone.

"Some kind of chicken." I sipped at my water. "So, how was work?"

He snickered. "Is that where we're at now? Small talk about work?"

I smiled and took his other hand. "Well, you already know how I spent my day."

"Yours are always more interesting than mine."

"I'm an interesting gal," I winked.

His smile grew wider, his teeth brilliantly white against his deep skin. "That's the understatement of the century. I'm still as enamored by you now as I was the first time I saw you, sitting alone in the woods and playing a song."

"Enamored?" I smiled at the word choice.

"You know I love you... I love you more than anything. But it feels like more than that. You're just... you're perfect."

One would think that after all this time, I'd be more used to being spoken to like this... but one would be wrong. He was making me blush. "I'm glad you think so."

"Oh, I know so."

"You always talk about how great I am... but I don't think you realize how incredible you are. How lucky I am." I peeked up at him through my lashes. "You're just..." Everything. He was everything to me. I loved a lot of people, but Seth was such a part of me that there literally was no more me without him.

His phone started ringing, drawing my attention. He ignored it, choosing to stare at me instead. My phone started ringing a moment later, followed immediately by another call to his.

"It's Leah," I said as I checked the screen.

"And Sam," he said as he finally acknowledged his own.

I answered and could hear all kinds of commotion happening on the other end of the line. "Hello?"

"Liz!"

"Who is this?"

"It's Embry. Leah is about to have the baby!"

I literally leaped out of my chair, barely noticing that Seth was doing the exact same thing. "I'll be right there!" we said simultaneously.

Seth threw a hundred down on the table. "Emily is in labor."

My jaw dropped, and then I frowned. "Leah is in labor, too."

He stopped for a moment, looking conflicted.

"I can go to Emily and you can go to Leah," I said. He loved them both very much, but he couldn't be two places at once and Leah was his sister.

He nodded in agreement. "You take the car. I'll run."

He kissed me longer than he meant to, leaving me a squishy puddle of something in a fancy French restaurant.

I was rushing out when the waiter yelled after me. "M'dam!"

"Money's on the table!" I yelled back before bolting out the door.

I'd been sitting in Sam and Em's living room for about an hour with a crap load of giant Natives when Josh and Ana came in. I got up and scooped my arm through Ana's, steering her right back out the door.

"Let's take a walk," I told her. "That place has basically become a sauna."

She lit two cigarettes and stuck one awkwardly between my lips. "It's too much with big groups in small spaces, but I do love my overheated werewolf man," she smiled.

"Did he tell you Leah was having hers, too?"

"Yes! That's wild. Is that where Seth is?"

"Yeah. He's both excited and upset."

We heard a blood curdling scream come from the house.

I visibly cringed at that.

"Jesus Christ," Ana said. "See, this makes me never want to have kids."

I started to laugh. "I don't think the odds are in your favor with that one. Aren't super swimmers another wolf-guy thing?"

She shrugged. "I have an IUD. Hasn't been an issue so far."

I leaned in close and whispered quietly, hoping that everyone inside couldn't hear me talking about them. "I think they all have more drive to reproduce than other... not-wolf men." I raised my voice back to normal. "Also, them being so in tune with our responses makes for some fucking _incredible_ sex." She was laughing when I whispered again, "But yeah, you're going to end up with some babies."

"Fine, Josh can birth them," she replied flippantly.

We soon heard another piercing scream, then another, then another... My suddenly terrified eyes met Ana's before I ran back into the house, barging past Dave and Brady.

"Whoa!" Josh yelled, steadying me after I collided with his brick wall of a chest.

I could feel the panic on my face. "Is she okay?"


	30. Perfect Dreaming Skull

30\. Perfect Dreaming Skull

I was completely and totally in love.

The second that beautiful baby boy was placed into my arms, I would have been happy to never move again. I studied his smushy little face and let him wrap his tiny fingers around one of mine. I rocked him for just minutes before he fell asleep, and I stared into his perfect face for what felt like forever, knowing I'd kill for the little guy.

Eli Matthew Uley, seven pounds and eight ounces of absolute perfection.

Everyone else left. And yet I sat, still rocking. Emily was getting some much needed rest. Sam was probably not, but he was in their small bedroom keeping watch over his wife. I was kind of surprised he trusted me with his baby by myself for this long.

I snuck a silent picture on my phone and sent it to Seth, who returned a pic of him holding a very similar looking baby. She had on a little striped beanie with a bow on it.

I couldn't wait to see her in person, to hold her.

It wasn't much longer before Sam came for Eli. "Emily says he needs to nurse," he said as he picked up his son carefully.

"I should probably go. Let us know when you guys are ready for visitors again."

Seth got home just after I did. Part of me wished for a little more time alone than the car ride over had allowed, but fate hadn't played it that way.

He could tell I wasn't in the best mood and asked me what was wrong in a few different ways. I shrugged him off.

"Sorry we didn't get to finish our date," he said, fishing for an answer.

"Another time." I locked my eyes to him, resolve forming. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," he answered immediately. "Absolutely."

"Come with me," I said, wrapping my arms around him tight.

"Where?" he asked, but we were already there.

He peered over the edge of the random Brooklyn rooftop, his hair blowing back in the wind.

"Tonight was... difficult," I told him, sitting down in the gravel that covered the entire roof.

"Because of the baby?"

"Eli," I corrected. "And... sort of. I held him and I rocked him and I love him. It made me realize again what I'm missing, but it also made me realize that I'm nowhere near ready for that. Could you imagine if I hadn't...?" Miscarried. I couldn't even say the word. "I've got evil witches after me and you hunt vampires. How would we raise another human being?"

He sat down and cuddled to my side. "Things aren't always going to be like this. One day, we'll both be ready to try again."

I couldn't say aloud that I wasn't sure. I just let it hang there for awhile.

"Elizabeth," he finally breathed, moving my face so that I could see his. "Even if you decide you don't want to, it's okay. I could live the rest of my life with just you and still die a happy man."

I frowned. "That's not fair to you."

He sighed. "All I've ever wanted in life was to fall in love. Get married and have kids to love as well. And then one day I _did_ fall in love, but I fell in love with this girl that blew my plans and my ideas and my whole world completely open. I'm not saying we don't have to procreate to make you feel better. I'm not saying it now and then changing my mind somewhere down the road. I'm saying it because... with you, I have no idea what's ever going to happen, but I do know that it will always be exciting. It will always be special. It will always be enough for me. You alone will always be enough."

I looked into his serene face, knowing that mine was covered in panic. "I hope you're right about that. I'm aging, one day we won't have that option anymore. And honestly... I find babies a little terrifying."

"Yeah, I hear they're nipple biters," he joked.

I laughed. "That's not what I mean! We both held newborns tonight... and I don't know how it was for you, but part of me was terrified the whole time. What if he, like, jerked and just fell out of my arms or something?!" When he was in my arms, it felt so safe... but thinking about it now felt terrifying. "There are like, twenty nine billion things that could maim or kill a baby within seconds and it's the scariest thing ever."

He chuckled, his side lightly bouncing against mine. "You not wanting them because our lives are chaotic is one thing. But don't ever think that we couldn't keep them safe. We're both supernatural... we're some of the safest people in the world for a baby to be around. Even when you don't factor in that you're a witch now... I could probably last at least a year on three hours of sleep a night and be totally fine. I'd never let anything happen to any of you."

I pictured him with a tiny baby in his strong arms, then a toddler on his hip, a child high on his shoulders. I was with a freaking full fledged superhero and was still worried about safety.

That train of thought led to another, and I was remembering the day I lost my daughter. Of the many, many bad days I'd lived through in my short life, this one was the worst. It was the only thing at this point that my mind worked to completely close itself off to. Even now, remembering it in vivid detail, it didn't hurt exactly - it carried a numb void of feeling, the pain of it too harsh to even register.

I had known. I woke up bleeding, too far along for it not to be worrisome. Seth was calm on the outside, freaking out on the inside. He wanted to be strong for me - he kept telling me that it was okay, but I knew. There were no more kicks coming from inside me.

I was in a daze as he drove me to the nearest clinic, but I registered the protesters standing outside, waving their signs and yelling at any woman who dared pass them. One of them looked me right in the eye as they yelled that I was a murderer, I was going to murder my baby. Thinking of it now, it just pissed me off really bad, but at the time... it almost felt like they were right. Like I had somehow brought this on myself.

I couldn't imagine going through that again.

I carefully stopped the reel of memories in my head, placing each and every one back into their place. They were important in a way; I never wanted to forget. But I knew it would be a long time before I really wanted to remember, either.

I lowered my head and snuggled into the warm side of my protector, the only man that had truly captured my elusive heart. He was supposed to be exactly what I wanted and needed, and he was. He kept me safe through the hardest times of my life, holding every jagged little shard of me together when I was splintering to pieces.

I needed him forever.

A fevered palm gently cupped my face, easing my head back so that he could lay his lips to mine. It still surprised me the way he made me feel physically; the heat of his skin matched the fire in me, his scent was like a drug to me. I was gripping him closer, my body arching to his, begging.

In one swift movement, we were on our feet and my arms were placed easily at my sides. His eyes were wide, wild, and I knew before he said it. "Vampire," he growled as a tremor rolled down his spine.

Why did this happen all the time? I thought they were supposed to be scarce. Now we couldn't hit a bigger city at all without coming across a bloodsucker.

I was struck with an intriguing thought. "Let's find it."

He looked at me like I'd grown a second head, then recognition lit his eyes and his mouth set into a hard line. "No."

"Baby," I whined.

"I'm aware of what you can do, Liz. I'm still not taking that kind of chance with you."

I closed my eyes and reached out with my senses. "I'm not sure you have a choice. It's heading straight towards us."

"Do. Not. Get. Involved." He bit each word out individually before slipping his clothes off and phasing.

We both knew I wouldn't listen.

There was a quick blur of white as the vampire landed about twenty feet from us, already crouched to attack. He was tall and lanky with red eyes that had a strange milky film over them. I could tell he was old just by looking at him.

He was surveying the situation quickly, his expression steady though he didn't relax his stance. "What are you?" he finally asked, and I wasn't sure if he was referring to me or to Seth in wolf mode. "Is he a pet of yours?" he asked me directly.

"Only when we're feeling really kinky." I could feel my heart sprinting, rapping against the inside of my chest. I was trying to remain calm, but my right hand was already lit. I closed my palm and ran the fingers of my other hand through Seth's soft fur to relax myself.

He was clearly perplexed. "No full moon tonight... Are you not frightened of the creature?"

"No. I'm not the one that should be frightened."

Seth practically roared, laying low to the ground as his lips pulled back over his muzzle.

"I'll kill your dog and drink your blood, girl," the vampire smiled menacingly.

I smiled in return and held up the fire that was lighting my right hand. "We'll see."

Seth sprang then. He was going straight at the creature when he suddenly jumped over him, grabbing a hand along the way. It disconnected from the arm with a grating shriek, like metal being ripped. The vampire was trying to get his bearings, trying to wrap his good arm around Seth, but my man was smooth. He was ducking and dodging until they were a blur to my poorer eyesight.

I watched the fight warily until the vamp flung Seth to the side and took a long, hungry look at me. Then I threw the fire ball directly at him, immediately lighting him up like a fucking Christmas tree. He didn't come towards me. He screamed in agony and ran through the space that was separating Seth from me.

I guess it forget that whole stop, drop, and roll thing.

Seth didn't phase back until it was laying in a smoldering heap, clearly dead. He watched the flames lapping at the remains for a moment before turning to look at me. "I want to be mad... " he said slowly. "But that was pretty amazing."

I hugged him before he could get his clothes back on. "You should start taking me on patrol with you."

He laughed and mussed my hair. "Don't push your luck, kid."

"Would it be totally fucked up and weird for us to have sex up here right now? Because, honestly... I'm feeling it."

It was early morning when I woke the first time. My hair clung to my skin uncomfortably because of the sweat Seth's body was making me produce. I repositioned us but kept myself tangled up in him - it was a good excuse for us to take a shower together when he woke up. I was studying this little sliver of dull light that was hitting his arm when I realized for the first time that Seth wasn't the only person in this bed that could protect the people that they loved.

I fell back to sleep smiling, content.

"I wish that I could climb inside  
The twisted chemistry of your heart and mine  
Loving me is killing you, but you'd rather die  
Than live without me.  
If I die by intoxication, I hope I overdose on you  
We're swimming the skies together, getting lost within the blue," Melody read aloud from one of my many notebooks. "I love this song. I wish I could write like this." She restarted the track and read the lyrics along with it.

"It's not always easy..." I admitted, thinking over my writing process. Sometimes it was hard to write anything, and even more often than that, it was hard to write about anything that didn't have to do with Seth.

"All the stars in his eyes fell for the brilliant, endless night in hers," she quoted. "I'm noticing a pattern here," she commented, lips pursed.

I smirked in return. "What's that?" I just wanted to hear her say it.

"You write like Seth deserves better than you. Loving you is killing him? And saying he has stars in his eyes while you're a dark night."

I almost made a Batman joke. "Well... yeah. I mean, you're right. I write like that because it's real, though. I come from... well, you know exactly what I come from. I'm a hardened criminal," I joked. "He's basically a saint, and I'm..." I looked down at myself, fully aware of what anyone would assume just by looking at me. Words like "goth", "freak". "counter culture" were springing to mind. And that was the nicer stuff people would say.

She scoffed at me. "Who gives a fuck? You do you, you goddamn sexy giraffe."

I giggled for a moment. "I'm not saying I'm worried about how I come off to people or like I'm uncomfortable with myself. But it is what it is. I am who I am. And Seth is purely good."

"He does seem super nice," she lamented. "I can tell he loves you. The way he looks at you..."

"He's great."

"Yeah," she replied, suddenly distracted. "Thanks for letting me read these," she said. "Mark may have read a little, too."

"That's okay," I replied. "He already knows all about my fucked up inner workings."

"Yeah, he knows a bit about my inner workings as well," she said, winking cartoonishly.

I was a little surprised, even though I'd suspected it already. "You guys having fun together?"

"He's definitely fun," she said after a moments consideration. "Fun, but nothing more. I give it a few months, at best."

"What if he falls in love?"

"He can kiss my cute ass!" she laughed as I stood up and gave her a hug goodbye. "Have fun at Leah's."

"Will do," I answered. "I'll be back later."


	31. Soul Meets Body

31\. Soul Meets Body

"Cecily, April, Maureen, Lily, Farrah..."

"Sebi," the one whose name I'd forgotten supplied, pointing to herself.

"Right, sorry. Everyone, this is Ana." I kind of nudged her forward and looked at Cecily. "Train her up for me."

Most of the group exchanged confused glances. "Why don't you train her?" Maureen (I think) finally asked.

"Well, I'd have to understand what in the hell I was doing first, wouldn't I?"

"E - ... Liz," Cecily corrected without needing another reminder, "is powerful beyond what we all are used to. She didn't have to work on her craft as we do. It comes to her naturally."

Sebi rolled her eyes and I glared at her. Glad I forgot your name, bitch.

Ana joined the other witches as Cecily walked me away from everyone. "Do you need training, Liz?"

I considered. "I don't see any need to. I can do whatever I want, magic-wise."

"You seem to be learning a lot on your own," she observed. "No raging thunderstorms as of late."

"The only thing I'm worried about is something happening while I'm performing. I need those emotions when I'm onstage. Controlling the magic while I let the feelings roll... it's going to be rough."

"When do you perform again?"

"I'll be on tour, June through August. I'm not booking anything in the meantime."

"I may be able to help you with this in that span of time." She stopped walking and looked at me. "I had expected you to come to me with questions. You haven't."

"It's kind of fun learning on my own," I shrugged.

"The girls have been waiting for you to reappear," she smiled. "They're very curious about you."

"Girls," I quipped. Everyone here looked close in age aside from Lily, but Cecily spoke as if she was their elder.

She smiled. "How old do you think I am?"

I wasn't good at this, but people always wanted a guess. "I don't know. Thirty, maybe?" I was being generous; I guess she looked a little closer to forty, but what the hell did I know?

"I'm three hundred and ninety... seven years old," she said, mentally calculating.

I gawked at her, surprised despite the fact that I seemed to be surrounded by people that had evaded aging. "Magic?"

"As many things are." She steered me back towards the group of women.

I sat down and they immediately started throwing questions at me.

"How did you realize you had power?" Sebi asked.

It took a moment to remember, and then I started to laugh. "Ana... remember that day we, uh... had the fungus among us?" That was a pretty classic reference to mushrooms.

"Yes!" she said happily. "Harmonic Convergence," she recalled. "You and I and the planets aligned."

"We had a fire going and I touched it... It didn't burn me. So I stuck my hand all the way in. I wasn't sure if it was real at that point. Before that, there was a day I spent out in the woods that a snake approached me. It slithered across my arms and just chilled with me."

Ana shot me a look.

"It was in WV. I'll tell you about it later." Another story that couldn't be told here because of the drug use.

"Ana says you can cast without speaking a word," Farrah said.

I nodded my head. "I can."

April looked at Cecily. "Is she our High Priestess now?"

"No," I said before Cecily had a chance to answer.

Cecily let her gaze rest on me evenly. "Technically..."

I was already shaking my head no. "I can't be in any type of leadership position with people." That's a sinking ship if I've ever seen one.

"Because you're a musician?" Lily asked, smiling kindly at me.

"Yeah," I said, adding that to the list of reasons that already formed in my head. "I bounce around a lot, touring and going home to visit."

"Where are you from?" Lily asked, intensely focused on me.

"West Virginia. I've been here for almost four years."

The other girls asked a few more questions before they broke off into groups. Ana was with Cecily, Maureen, and April; they were showing her some basic spells, helping her to pronounce the difficult Latin. Sebi and Farrah took up a corner to themselves, talking and giggling. Lily stepped to my side and hooked her arm around mine.

"Want to go have a smoke?"

"Sure," I answered as we easily fell into step with one another.

She cupped her hands around the flame of my lighter. "I wanted to thank you again," she said.

"Oh. It's really no problem," I assured her. "I'm glad you're okay."

"I've been better than okay since the last time I saw you." She leaned against the building and crossed her arms, but I could tell the nonchalance was anything but. "I think you left a part of you with me. I feel... like more than I was."

"That's cool, I guess."

"I feel connected to you, too. Can you feel it?"

I didn't but that felt kind of rude to say.

She laughed a little. "It's okay that you don't. It's understandable that it only works the one way. You breathed life into me, not the other way around."

"Makes sense," I shrugged.

"Being around you is cool, though." She took my free hand in hers and wove our fingers together, pressing her palm against mine. "Liz, have you ever been with a woman before?"

I giggled. "Yeah." And then I realized what she was actually getting at. "Oh, um... I'm with someone now."

My rejection didn't dampen her one bit. "I've heard some whispers about you and a wolf."

"Well, he's usually just a man when he's with me," I smiled. "A really tall, solidly built, gorgeous, chiseled, tan, fever-hot man." I shivered just thinking about him.

I realized then that she was _in_ me, invading me through our joined hands. She wasn't drawing at my power... it didn't feel like anything sinister at all. But she was definitely taking from me.

"I'm just having a little peek inside," she said. "Nothing too private or personal. Just under the surface. I was doing it to to you earlier, too, but you didn't notice. I like the way your mind works."

I hit my smoke once more before flicking the butt away.

"Close your eyes," she urged, and I did. She took my other hand and suddenly I was in her mind as much as she was in mine. It was... I didn't really have words for it. It was totally different. It was like being swept to a different world.

"I think I like the way you think, too," I murmured, reaching into a memory in her head to touch the colors with my fingertips.

"Your power is like a whole universe inside of you. I've never felt anything even half this potent." She was picturing the others. "See if you can span our net wider."

I reached out with my mind, pulling hers with me to cast over everyone inside. It wasn't a flood like I expected, it was more like jumping into them for a moment before choosing to move onto the next. Magical leapfrog.

"A war is coming," Lily said in a strange voice. "Don't look into Cecily or she'll feel us," she whispered. "She wants to use your wolves."

"What?" I asked, instantly on guard.

Lily quickly dropped my hands, panting. "Wow, that was intense. And I said Cecily wants to use your wolves. For the war."

My eyebrows shot up.

"She's not trying to use you, she's just trying to come up with a strategy that guarantees we wipe out the problem with no losses. This is our whole coven, aside from three others," she gestured to the compound. "They have fifty or more."

"Why?"

She sighed. "Well, for one, because their leader offers up-and-coming witches their every hope and dream if they join with her. Lira is powerful and she's very manipulative. And for another... power goes to people's heads. We've lost sisters to her before."

"How do you switch over? From good to bad."

She smiled. "Just like anyone else does. The power inside of us is completely neutral. It's all in how you choose to use it."

I looked at my feet nervously, wondering if indulging in magic for my own personal amusement was tipping the scales to the dark side for me. "Are there like, rules or something?"

"Just one. Do no harm." I could feel her eyes on my face for a moment. "Taking their power isn't harming them, Liz. You're protecting a lot of people from them."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"So... what are the wolves like?" she asked, her eyes shining.

Seth was asleep when I climbed into bed next to him. I wasn't ready to sleep yet - it was just a little after seven - but I couldn't resist the urge to be close to him. He woke after a bit and pulled me into a close embrace, hugging away anything I didn't want inside of me.

"I was dreaming about the day I met you," he said, his voice thick and deep. "Seeing you for the first time and it hitting me like a ton of bricks. Loving you before I knew you."

"Luckily you didn't realize the ride you were in for. You probably would have ran screaming."

He chuckled. "I feel stupid when I look back at who I was before you. I was so naive."

He was. Naive and happy... until he fell in love with a girl that was full of darkness.

"This is so much better." He rubbed his nose against mine.

"Is it?" I whispered.

He pulled back a bit and smiled. "After all this time, you still don't know? You're my world, Elizabeth. You're everything that matters to me. Who knows where I'd be without you..."

"Knee deep in flowers we'll stray," I sang, smiling at him. "We'll keep the showers away. And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight, will you pardon me?"

"I've had this song stuck in my head today. You're the only song I want to hear, a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere..."

"Soul Meets Body, it's a Death Cab song."

He smiled a breathtaking smile for me. "There's my little musical encyclopedia. But yeah, we were talking about how much I love you." He wrapped his legs around me so that I was completely cocooned in him, wriggling around to break free to no avail. "What could be better than this?!" he yelled.

"Aaaaahhhhgggg!" I shrieked. He loosened up enough for me to roll him over with me on top of him. He even let me pin his hands down, only pretending to fight back.

"You got me," he declared.

"You're letting me win," I pointed out.

I was on my back in less than a second, my arms pinned neatly to my sides by his knees. "Is this better?"

I smirked. "Maybe if you kiss me, wolf man."

His lips touched mine, feather soft and still powerful. He placed his hand over my erratically pounding heart. "Breathe."

"Easier said than done around you."

He moved my hand to cover his own speeding heart. "I know the feeling."

"So... Cecily told me something earlier. She said that she's hundreds of years old."

His body went slack enough to switch our positions once again.

"I think I'm going to live for a really long time." And I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

He didn't appear to have the same trepidation. His lips covered mine for a moment before he looked at me, excitement fresh in his eyes. "I get more than one lifetime with you," he said.

That made it more appealing. "Sure you can handle me for that long?"

His pelvis raised, grinding against mine. "I can handle you every night for the rest of forever, babe."

That voice did things to me. Naughty, naughty things.

I smiled at him devilishly as I ground my hips back into him. "Let's test your theory."

He rose up and threw me onto the bed on my back. "You think I can't?" he challenged as he pulled his shirt over his head, making me drool. He finished stripping himself and then me, and just as he was about to enter me, I stopped him.

"I want to try something new," I whispered against his lips. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, my mouth met his and we closed our eyes.

I brought us to the edge of the stratosphere and we throttled closer to Earth as we made love.


	32. Negative Creep

32\. Negative Creep

I'd been holed up in this cheap motel for a week, maybe longer. The days were blurring. They kept threatening to kick me out because of the noise, and I kept paying people off so that I didn't have to deal with them. Which was what I was currently on my way to do.

A squat, unattractive woman opened the door, a cute chunky baby sitting on her hip. I held a hundred out to her.

"I'm trying to write an album," I slurred a bit. "You might wanna change rooms."

"Are you the one with that horrible music all night?" she asked, clearly annoyed.

My eyes narrowed. "You think Nirvana is horrible music? You're in fucking Seattle in a junkie motel! Kurt Cobain is your GOD!"

"Whoa, whoa!" I heard Seth behind me. "Ma'am, we'd be more than happy to cover your bill if you'd like to switch rooms," he said, handing her another hundred.

"Un-uh!" I yelled, fully in belligerent mode. "We don't give money to unenlightened trash!"

"Liz," he snapped. "Go back to the room, baby."

I made fart noises with my mouth and whined. "Fiiiiiiiiine."

He wanted to laugh, but he held it in as I stomped back off towards the room I'd been occupying.

It was kind of gross in here. Not like my band's apartment gross, but definitely not clean. Clothes and liquor bottles littered the floor. Notebooks strewn everywhere. Fuck it.

Seth came in then and eyed me. I'd been driving him nuts.

"I have an idea!" I said. "Let's just rent the whole floor so that I don't have to talk to these fucking idiots."

He chuckled and shook his head at me. "I'm sure they're equally as pleased to talk with you, honey."

I tried to stand near him and fell onto him instead. "Fuck. Them. And fuck their stupid shitty vacations, too."

"So angry today." He started rubbing my back gently, trying to lull the beast to sleep.

"I need it right now, baby. I have to finish writing this." I popped my head up and smiled. "Or... we could throw a massive party. I could use a little break."

"You want to take a break from drinking by yourself... by drinking with a bunch of other people?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm open to other suggestions."

"I have a few but they all involve you taking your clothes off." He started to slide his hands up under my shirt slowly. "Or you could sober up and we could visit Leah and Lexi."

I frowned and made a sad sound. "I want to see them but I don't see sobi - sobree - so-bri-et-y happening today." I'd already hit the point of no return.

"Alright, so party it is," he eventually said.

"Invite the pack," I told him excitedly. "I'm going to the desk, and then I have a lot of phone calls to make."

He caught me by my arm. "You have to eat something," he urged, pointing to a bag of fast food that I rolled my eyes at.

We packed the place by nightfall with wolves, witches, imprints and even a regular person or two. More and more people kept piling in and things were getting wild as the night raged on. People were spilling out onto the balcony area and below, which would have concerned me for a number of reasons had I been with it enough to give a shit about anything besides dancing and consuming alcohol and cigarettes.

I was sitting in a narrow stairwell with Mark, my head resting comfortably on his shoulder as he passed a smoke from his mouth to mine. "Where's your mind, dear?"

"Thinking... remembering random parts of my life. People that mattered, habits and routines that died over the years."

"Shockingly clear statement from someone that claims to be physically paralyzed," he laughed.

I started to sit up and he jerked me back easily. "Take a minute. You need it."

"I'm not sure if staying down is going to help or make me pass the fuck out." I sat up, eyes wide and smiling and started to dance in my seat. I was still on the verge of blanking.

He smiled and shook his head at me. "You're adorable."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "I need to go to my room. Will you help me stand up?"

"Yeah," he said, jumping up and placing me easily to my unsteady feet. "Want me to get you up the stairs?"

"No, no," I shook my head. "I got this." I had to shoulder the wall the whole way up and it took longer than it should have, but I made it to my floor on my own. I followed the wall to the first door, the only one that was closed off to the rest of the party because it was mine.

I was trying not to fall, trying to get my eyes to adjust, trying to get the key card out of my pocket, then trying to unlock my door. I wasn't having much luck with any of it when an arm shot out to steady me. It took the card from my hand and opened the door for me.

"Thanks," I mumbled, my head hitting the wall again.

"You okay?" a voice asked.

I blinked toward the tall figure of a man I didn't recognize. "Buhhh," came out of my mouth before I started to slump once more.

"Easy, babe." He caught me in his arms and leaned me back towards the wall before smoothing my hair out of my face. He was holding the door open with his foot and I tried to raise my body enough to stumble through the open space.

I fell into my room, and then I was out.

Waking up, the first thing that registered was that something was very, very wrong. Even my sub-conscious realized that. My wrists hurt, my ankles hurt, and I couldn't move. Something heavy was on top of me and it was hard to breathe.

Something was inside of me.

My first thought was Seth. Had I passed out while we were making love? Where were we? Why was he hurting me?

I started to cry before I even understood what was happening. Seth's body didn't feel right... not hot enough, not as solid as I knew him to be. Then the hands were wrong. The smell was wrong. The lips were wrong. The pain...

It took everything in me just to open and adjust my eyes. I started to scream and his lips covered mine and bit until I tasted blood on my tongue. "Don't fucking start that, now," he said into my ear.

My body was still being sluggish, but my brain was fully alert now. I was tied up, and all that I could focus on in that instant was getting free of my restraints. I was working on the ties, beginning to unravel them with my mind when the door suddenly opened.

Mark paused for about a millisecond before he rushed in yelling, his expression close to terrifying. He grabbed the guy and flung him off of me and into the floor. I saw his fist slamming down, heard the loud smack as it connected. I loosened my bindings enough to free myself, then flung Mark to the side with a wave of my hand.

I wasn't thinking straight, but I sure was acting. I gave what I was doing zero consideration as I yanked the guy up to his knees and placed my lips to his. I felt an intense satisfaction as his body first went rigid, then began to convulse dangerously. I flung him back to the floor and kicked him farther away from my feet.

I took a deep breath, listened to Kurt wailing and put some clothes back on as Mark stood up, his eyes on the unnamed rapist. I sat down on the edge of the bed and lit a cigarette as I stared at the wall, my back to the scene in my temporary room.

"Liz," Mark said, his voice restrained... fearful. "Are you... I mean." He sighed and moved to sit down on the same edge of bed I was occupying, but with a good foot of space between us.

"He deserved it." I flicked some ashes into the little plastic circle full of them on my bedside table.

"What?" he said after studying me for a long moment.

"He violated me. He had to die."

"That's not even a question... I would have killed him if you hadn't." I felt his eyes shift over to me. "Did he - "

"I don't ever want to talk about this," I said quickly. I focused on one of many cemeteries I was familiar with, a grave marked Robertson that hadn't been disturbed since the eighteen-nineties. I sent the corpse deep under the dirt there without a second thought, never to be seen or heard of again.

"Okay..." Mark said slowly. "But we do have one really big problem, Liz."

"He's already gone," I said.

Mark shifted up onto his knees, peering over the opposite edge of the bed. "His blood is in the floor."

"Will you stay here for a little while? I need to shower." I'd take care of everything else after.

"Yeah, of course I will. Do you need anything else?"

I shook my head. "Just stay."

I threw away my clothes in the small trash can beside the toilet and turned the water to its hottest setting before stepping inside. I stood under the scalding water for quite a while, my eyes fixed on a small flaw in the shower lining in front of me. My skin was red it was so hot, but I couldn't tear my eyes away for the longest time. Finally, I scrubbed myself raw and turned the shower off.

Seth was sitting with Mark when I exited the bathroom, clutching a robe around my body. My first reaction was panic... but as soon as Mark's eyes met mine, I knew he hadn't said anything.

"Hey, beautiful," Seth greeted me with a smile that I couldn't return. He stood up and came closer to me, then his brows narrowed in confusion as he studied my face. His thumb brushed lightly across the small wound on my bottom lip. He took a long sniff of the air around him. "Who's been in here?"

I wanted to lie. The truth meant facing what had happened, and I wasn't really prepared to do that. I wanted to shove it down inside of me to fester where it belonged.

Seth was starting to get angry at the lack of answers as he looked between Mark and I. Something crossed his face before he glared at Mark. "Did _you_ do this to her?!"

"No," I kind of whispered, before clearing my throat. "Mark, go. And thank you."

"You sure?" he asked warily.

"Yeah, it's okay. You can take one of the rooms if you want to stay the night. I'll text you later."

He nodded his head as he stood up. "Okay, call me if you need anything."

I took a step around Seth so that I was between them as Mark loped to the door. He had no idea what was going on and was already making assumptions; the last thing I needed right now was my lover attacking my best friend.

I breathed a sigh of relief once the door clicked shut behind him. I stepped over to the bed, my eyes sweeping the room as I realized that Mark must have cleaned up while I showered. The empty bottles were brimming over the top of the trash can and all my clothes had been piled into a corner of the room. The blood wasn't there anymore.

I sat down and we stared at one another, neither willing to make a move on conversation. His expression finally softened and he came to sit beside of me, wrapping an arm gently around my shoulders as I leaned into his side.

"I should have stayed with you tonight," he said.

"This wasn't your fault." My lips brushed his cheek and I stood up, pulled some clothes on and waved all of my things into my various totes and suitcases. "I want to go home."

"Okay," he said immediately. He pulled out his phone while I slipped my shoes on. "You still here?" he was saying to someone else. "We're heading out. I don't think she wants to ride the whole way," he said inconspicuously.

I popped my belongings to my home, one by one.

"Yeah, that's cool. I'll leave the door unlocked for you." He hung up after a moment, took in the near empty room, then looked at me. "Mark is going to drive your car to the house and sleep over."

"Did I get everything?" Seth would sniff it out if any of my belongings were left behind.

He followed his nose into the bathroom. "Did you throw your clothes away?" he asked, confused.

I walked in behind him and wrapped my arms around him so that we could teleport home.

"Wait," he said, halting me. "Can we fly instead?"

I sighed, understanding the implication beneath his request before blinking us into the sky. I focused on the lights beneath us, the city shining at me as I tried to form the necessary words. "I was attacked earlier," I finally said.

"Mark helped you?" he guessed.

"Yes. He helped me, and then I took care of the problem." I couldn't bring myself to say the words that were ricocheting around in my brain. "Rape" and "murder" would burn like acid on my tongue.

He was silent for a few moments, and we were almost home. "Okay," he finally breathed. "You can talk to me whenever you're ready."

I met Mark later on my back porch and threw my arms around him. "Thank you," I said, though part of me didn't want to. It was the only acknowledgement of the situation I was willing to make for now.

He hugged me tight, and I could tell he was cycling through things he wanted to say before he settled on, "You're welcome. I'd never let anyone hurt you."

I held for a beat longer before sliding back a bit, and he held out a handful of pills to me - five different tablets, each a unique shape, size and color.

"Take these," he said.

"What are they?"

"Anti-virals, Plan B..."

"Xanax?" I smirked, my eyes on the white bar.

"Figured you could use a good rest," he shrugged.

I broke it in half, gave him one and took all the other pills.

"You probably won't feel good tomorrow," he warned.

I laughed once humorlessly. "I think it's going to far surpass just tomorrow."


	33. Sleeping With The Witch

33\. Sleeping With The Witch

(Seth)

"The fuck is this?"

I glanced away from the stretch of road in front of me to look at her laughing, her eyes crinkling up in the corners in that adorable way that let you know her smile was one hundred percent genuine.

"Drunk makeup with Liz Collins," she giggled. "I don't even remember filming this."

"I want to see," Mark said from the back as he stuck his face between us. They watched the video together and laughed.

Liz turned the music down a bit. "Baby, did I tell you that Mark and Melody are fucking?"

I laughed. "No, but I already knew. I heard them a few times."

Mark held his hands up. "Dude, I'm unashamed. Mel is hot and a lot of fun, and she's cool about being friends with benefits. I think."

"She definitely is," Liz said. "She said pretty much the exact thing you did, so now I think you guys are perfect for each other." She touched my arm and said, "Turn down exit five twenty nine."

I'd been watching, observing her since that night in Seattle, looking for signs she was breaking. Strangely enough, she wasn't, and instead of shutting down like she usually did when something bad happened, she'd been wide open to me. She told me everything that had happened, she told me when it was on her mind and when she felt awful. She poured out her every thought and feeling into me, and I was glad to see that she was healing. I knew it wasn't going to just get better and go away, but I couldn't stand to see her suffering alone.

Despite her reassurances and the fact that I could see her being okay with my own eyes, I was still terrified to leave her for even a second. Still held her closer to me at night, still told her I loved her a few extra times every day. If some unknown part of her really was silently falling apart, maybe my efforts would help hold some of her pieces together.

"This is going to go straight to my ass," were the words that broke me out of my mind again. She was chugging a milkshake.

I smiled and was about to respond when Mark spoke up first. "Yeah, how terrible that would be." I shot him a look through the rear view and he quickly added, "For Seth."

"My thoughts exactly," I said, annoyed. I'd caught him checking out said ass a few too many times for my liking.

"Let's take a road trip selfie, bitches," Liz changed the subject. She snapped a picture of the three of us with her phone and sent it to Ana. She turned the music up louder and headbanged as the wind blew her hair all around.

Once we hit the twenty four hour mark, she kept trying to talk me into pulling over.

"I'm fine," I told her once again. "I don't need to sleep as much as you do." I was kind of tired, but whether I was driving or in the passenger's seat, no way was I sleeping.

She peeked into the backseat. "Mark is totally out of it," she said. I glanced over in time to catch a devilish little smile playing at her lips. "You know what's really, really great about most of these older cars?" Her fingertips danced lightly across the seat. "Bench seats."

She scooted closer to me and touched her lips to my throat, sending shivers down my flesh. She didn't stop, licking, kissing and nipping at the side of my neck that was closer to her, moving her hands to my arm and my chest and then slowly down.

"Liz," I managed through clenched teeth.

"Seth," she purred. "Are you familiar with the term road head?"

Hell yes I was. "Maybe," I smiled. I gasped, in ecstasy as she went down.

It was early afternoon when we finally got to her hometown and I was completely beat. I'd only rested once the entire drive and it had been cramped up in the front seat and on edge the whole time because I wasn't the one driving.

Unfortunately, Liz was buzzing with energy and I needed to choose between getting some sleep or sticking with her, because there was no way she was staying in right now.

We were standing on the porch and she was examining me with those brilliant blue eyes. "I'll take Mark with me, babe. Just get some rest." She ran her finger across the bag under my right eye.

I yawned. The bed was literally calling my name. "Okay," I agreed. "But stay with him. Keep your mace and your knives on you. Call me if you need anything."

She held her hand up. "Promise."

She kissed me before heading back towards her car, and I went the opposite direction to find Mark.

"Hey, man," he said as I entered Liz's mom's kitchen.

"Stay close to her." I didn't need to say more than that. We had discussed what happened to Liz that night... he was almost as horrified as me. He might not even fully realize it himself, but he was so totally head over heels for her. Seeing her in the midst of something so terrible had left its mark on him.

"I won't let her out of my sight, I swear. Aside from bathroom stuff."

I was dead to the world moments later, the second my head hit the pillow that very, very faintly held the scent of cherry pie a la mode.

It was dark beyond my eyelids when I woke up alone. I was feeling around in my pockets and then dialing her number before I even opened my eyes.

"Hey!" she answered excitedly.

"Where are you?" I croaked.

"I'm way out in the boogie woods," she said. "I can come back now if you want."

"Can I run to you?"

"Hold on a second." I heard a muffled "Booo!" and a "Where you going, Legs?" before she yelled, "I have to piss!". "Okay," she finally spoke into the phone. "So. There's nothing but woods between us if you want to run. I just don't have any way of directing you here in that manner."

I laughed. "That doesn't matter. I can sense you from anywhere."

"True," she replied. "The other thing is, make sure you're paying attention and not sneaking up on any of these hoodlums out here. In either form. You could get shot."

I rolled my eyes. "See you in a few, Elizabeth."

I hadn't been phasing much lately, and when I did I was afraid to stray far from home, from Liz. What if someone broke in? What if some crazy witches just poofed themselves into the living room one day? I couldn't take chances like that.

Being in these woods felt so much like being home. It was missing the scent of the saltwater in our ocean, the sounds of hurtling waves crashing to shore, but it was wet and green all the same. I was really itching to explore it more, but I wasn't sure I felt safe leaving Liz alone at all tonight.

I had to hunt around to find the actual road that led to where ever she was out here. When I finally spotted it, I phased in the trees and got my clothes on, smoothed my hair down so I didn't look as wild as I felt right now. The wolf was getting restless inside of me.

I was trying to think up a good excuse as to how I'd gotten here when - of course - someone spotted me.

"Where the fuck did you come from?!" a heavily Southern voice inquired.

I opened my mouth to lie when she came dashing for me, arms wide and body jiggling in all the right places. She jumped onto my front, legs around my waist and she kissed me full on.

There was a whole group gathered as I piggy-backed her closer to the bonfire they were having. She jumped down and started leading me in an almost protective manner. One of the bigger guys gave her a look, then leaned in close to whisper, "I thought you were with that other guy."

She snorted. "Ew. No. Mark is my best friend," she said aloud. "This one is my man." She wrapped her arm around my middle and pulled me close as I fell in step with her. "Matthew!" she suddenly yelled at someone else. "Cheeto me!"

This long haired, somewhat familiar guy threw a handful of Cheetos at her face, missing her mouth completely. "Sorry, Legs."

"Wait, wait. Let me get on your level." She sat down on a large log and opened her mouth wide again. He threw some more Cheetos and missed once more. "You suck at this," she laughed.

"One more?" he asked.

She sighed, faking annoyance. "Fine, fine."

She held her mouth wide once again and he threw more Cheetos, but this time I snatched one out of the air with my mouth, and the rest hit me in the face.

"Seth!" she laughed lightly. "You stole my Cheeto!"

I smiled at her with my mouth full and she playfully smacked my arm and grabbed a guitar from beside of her.

"Alright, Matty. I'll be your backup."

"You gon' sing? 'Cause I'm not singin'," he replied, pulling on his own guitar.

"I will sing my cold, black heart out for you," she promised as he started to play.

This setup was strange to me; Liz never played backup for anyone. Other people played backup for her. But, after a few moments, I got it. This guy was a damn good guitar player, even better than she was.

They were in the middle of a Raconteurs song when some girl sat down in the empty space next to me. Some part of memory recognized her from one of my previous trips here, but I couldn't place her. She stunk like chemicals and it was actually bothering my nose.

"Hey, Seth," she said.

I sucked in a deep breath from Liz's direction before turning and saying hello. I couldn't register her face well enough to remember her, and no way was I taking a whiff of her to jog my memory.

"Haven't seen you guys in a while," she replied. "I'm surprised you're still together after everything."

I could feel it coming and was immediately on edge. She wasn't the first girl to lay out some snide comment to me about my imprint.

"I mean, you must be a really secure guy to see her with all of these gorgeous rock stars all over her and still want to be with her."

There it was.

"Holy shit," Liz started to laugh from my other side. "Nice meth mouth, Mandy!"

And there's the escalation.

Mandy stood up and Liz did, too, depositing her guitar gently on the ground along the way.

"What did you just say to me?!" Mandy yelled.

Liz leaned in, mere inches from her face. "I said nice meth mouth you fucking skank piece of trash."

Everyone was quietly watching, but there was a thrill of excitement in the air. They wanted to watch a girl fight, but I wasn't going to let it happen. The fire was already glowing brighter due to Liz's anger; I couldn't let her expose her powers, and of course I couldn't risk her getting hurt.

Liz glanced down at me, shooting me a look that told me she knew exactly what I was thinking and was having none of it. She ripped her gaze away and acted, grabbing Mandy's arm and dragging her farther from the fire.

"Don't put your hands on me, bitch!" Mandy yelled, attempting to stand her ground.

Liz flung her over the log by her arm and then jumped across it herself. "Get the fuck up, cunt! You want to fight? Let's do this!"

I was up in a flash, restraining my girlfriend as she yelled and flailed and kicked at Mandy. She landed one right to her forehead that was hard enough to jerk her head back in a somewhat grotesque manner. Matt and Mark came over as I pulled her away and helped Mandy up.

Matt turned her towards a line of vehicles. "Get up out of here," he told her.

"Fuck you, Matt! Fuck all of you!" she was flipping out and screaming at everyone, and Liz was struggling harder and yelling back.

"Don't go, come and let me kick your ass you fucking filthy dumpster! Quit running your cocksucker and hit me, bitch!" I was trying so hard not to laugh, but I was the only one. Mark was on his knees, he was losing it so bad. "Let her go, Matt! Let me go!" she yelled, digging an elbow between my ribs.

Matt and Mark went to Mandy to basically force her into her vehicle.

"If I catch you out, Liz - "

"If you catch me out, I'm going to do a fuck lot more than just one kick to your head, cunt." Mandy was trying to shake free again when Liz looked up and back to my face. "You're ruining my fun, baby," she pouted in the most adorable way ever.

I shook my head. "You don't need to be fighting with anyone. You might..." I cut my sentence off, knowing that was not the thing to say to her.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "I might get hurt? That whore couldn't take me on my worst day, baby."

"She could set your mom's house on fire or something," I argued.

"Good thing I'm sleeping at Ana's house tonight," she informed me with a wink and a smile. "She wouldn't do that anyways. She wouldn't even hit me."

"You should have let her beat her ass," Matt said, now beside of me as Mandy's car traveled farther away from the gathering.

"See?" Liz laughed. "What'd she do to you?"

He sighed. "I ain't tryin' to spread nobody's business... but you know D is my brother, and Little D is like a son to me. She doesn't take good care of him." He glanced up at me and started to shift away.

Liz gave me a look and stepped away with him. I guess he didn't feel comfortable talking about it in front of me, but I could still hear everything he was saying. It was awful; I couldn't understand why no one was stepping in to get her child away and to someone that would properly care for him. That's how we did things in La Push... that's how you were _supposed_ to do things if you wanted a healthy community.

She was crying and I really wanted to go to her, but I knew that she wouldn't want that. She cut off their conversation, excusing herself to her car for a moment. I watched her walk a little ways to the car and sit inside, so strikingly beautiful out here in the moonlight. She pulled out her phone and dabbed at her eyes... she was calling the police on Mandy.

I was kind of stunned. Liz had this cop hating thing going on; calling them was the very last thing I would have expected her to do. Regardless, it was a happy kind of stunned because she was doing the right thing for that little boy.

We left soon after that, driving back to Liz's mom's before walking the short distance over to Ana's previous home. Liz didn't even knock, just walked right in like she owned the place.

"Hey Caroline," she called to the robed woman sitting in the living room. "We're sleeping here."

"That's fine, darlin'." Caroline drawled.

We headed downstairs first, to a room I'd slept in a few times. Liz flipped the lights on, and it was clear that nothing had been touched since the last time I was here.

"Last time we were here, I lost three hits of blotter in here," Liz said as she entered the room slowly, her eyes darting around. She shrugged and turned to Mark. "You can have them if you find them. They have an all seeing eye on them."

He smiled. "Awesome."

Ana's room had also remained untouched. It still smelled like her, like the door hadn't been opened since the last time she shut it. Liz plugged in a power strip, causing music to begin playing and tubes and strings of lights all over the room to come to life.

She flopped back onto the bed. "What a fucking night," she sighed.

"Have to agree with you there." Every night we spent in WV was eventful. I wasn't sure if that's just how it was here or if it was Liz herself making it so much more interesting.

She yawned and snuggled closer to me. "Will you just cuddle me until I fall asleep?"

I touched my lips to her forehead. "I'll cuddle you all night, Elizabeth."

"No," she said, already on the edge of unconsciousness. "You should go tonight. Run the woods, feel the wind in your... fur."

"I don't want to leave you..." Though part of me was itching for it.

"Baby, you need to go out. You're going to start aging on me."

I pulled her limp body on top of mine. "I really think I'd look fine all salt and pepper," I joked.

She giggled and rolled over to kiss me. "Go," she said against my mouth. "She kissed me again and I started to protest. "Look at it this way, Seth. You're going to run tonight. Go and see if there are any vamps around, or I'm sneaking out while you're asleep to see for myself."

I growled and flipped over top of her. "You better not."

"Then I guess you have no choice. Go through the window," she said, a note of finality.

"Fine," I finally agreed. "I'll go after you fall asleep."

"Fine," she retorted.


	34. What Happened To You?

34\. What Happened To You?

"The sky is falling down... The night is calling you. A star is burning out... The sky belongs to - WHOA!" I crashed down hard onto my bed, guitar in hand. I glared at Mark as he came in staring at the floor, trying not to laugh at me as I disentangled myself.

"I'm sorry," he finally managed with just a hint of a chuckle. "I just really didn't expect you to be lying on the ceiling." He held a blunt out to me and I took it gladly.

"Where's Mel?"

"She went to some crunchy new age shit that I ignore when she starts to talk about."

"She wants to clear out my garage and start doing chakra cleansings or some shit. And teach a belly dance class."

"Now see, that one I could get on board with. Belly dancing is hot."

"She wants me to join her dance troupe," I said with disdain. "Not really my thing."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I bet you'd be good at it. You're...er, you're very bendy. And stuff."

I smirked as I leaned back against a pile of pillows. "So what'd you think of WV?"

"Well, watching you kick a methhead in the face has to be one of my highlights of the year," he laughed.

I leaned up and he was staring at me, this strange expression of awe on his face. I threw a pillow that smacked him in the nose before hitting the floor. "Mandy is forever trying to get with guys she knows I've been with. So dead set on being my vagina cousin."

"Your igloo sister?"

"Precisely." I waved my hand towards the window so it would open and I flung the blunt roach outside.

"I'm surprised you didn't just sit there and beat her up telepathically."

I smiled. "I'd rather fight the old fashioned way. I've got a lot of anger that needs to be let out."

He sat down next to me and leaned over, peering up into my face. "How have you been feeling lately?"

My smile slowly turned down. "Some moments are harder than others. Sometimes I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror."

"Liz," he started. "What happened wasn't your fault."

"Part of it wasn't." I stared at my knees as I spoke. "I have this need to escape... but I can't run away from what's inside of me. I think I've finally figured that out, at least. I'm just trying to take it all as it comes." Seth said I had to feel it out to heal, and he was more than willing to be my sounding board, my shoulder to cry on, whatever I needed.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, hugging me from the side.

"Doesn't hurt that I have so many supportive people around me," I allowed.

"If I could take that whole night and undo it or make you forget it, I would. I'd pay any price to take it away."

"Thank you," I said, but I wasn't sure... I wasn't sure if I wanted to forget. I wasn't sure that I should. It was another piece of my story. The feelings, however brutal they may be on me, they had their place. I was tired of looking at my life as this series of negative things that had served no purpose; I was sick of feeling like a victim of circumstance. I didn't know how yet, but one day I would put everything inside of me to use.

He gave my shoulder a squeeze and then we both got up. I stretched and yawned like I'd just woken up, though I'd been up for hours just lounging around. I was being a lazy butt today.

"We should do something. I'm thinking some retail therapy is in order." I stepped over to my dresser to get a few things before heading to my closet.

"I'm down, but to be clear, I won't hold you back if you try to kick someone's ass like Seth does."

I popped my head out of the closet to wink at him. "Good."

Magic was calling to me as we walked the streets of downtown Olympia. It was day time and we were out in the open, so there was nothing to be done about that, besides paying attention to my surroundings. I kept my eyes peeled, but I wasn't trying to stress it; I wanted to have a nice day today. Problem free. I'd handle it if something happened, but until then I was going to enjoy this.

We were on Seventh when we heard the music and we both went to it like moths to a flame. These two dudes were out here, just throwing down acoustic guitar and drums right on the sidewalk as people gathered to watch, throwing loose change and dollar bills into the open guitar case.

This was the way I wanted the whole world to be - music, dancing, laughing, singing. This should be happening everywhere.

I was mid-spin when Mark caught me. "May I have this dance?" he asked.

I was certain he was joking until he actually started to dance with me. Not like high school prom shit either, he was really getting into it. Spinning and dipping me down, lifting me by my waist to swing dance... This motherfucker must have taken classes at some point.

I was pretty impressed, honestly.

As the song came to a slow close, he pulled me in closer, close enough that I could feel his heart pounding against my shoulder and his breath against my neck. A final spin and then I was lowered until my back was parallel with the ground. In the moment that our eyes met, I was jolted with the knowledge that he was in love with me.

It wasn't even questionable. It was written right there in his eyes... of course I recognized it.

I threw a hundred in the open guitar case and slipped away to smoke a cigarette. Mark shrugged and kept on dancing. I sat down and counted to thirty, then I decided to pretend that it hadn't happened. I couldn't... There was just too much to consider, and I was going to have a panic attack if I tried to think it through right now. I was going to rewind to just before the look, then take my day from there.

I was cooking dinner when Seth came in and he immediately asked me where Mark was.

"I dropped him off about a half hour ago," I answered before giving him a huge hug. "He doesn't have to babysit me all the time, honey."

"I don't want you here by yourself," he mumbled into my hair.

"Mel's here," I said before shifting the subject. "We went shopping today," I told him excitedly. "I got all kinds of stuff."

He looked around. "Where is it?"

"In the car."

He smirked at me. "I'm guessing you want me to carry it in."

I puppy dog eyed him.

He faked a yawn and made his shoulders sag. "But I'm just so tired after working all day..."

"Please, baby?" I whined. "You're so strong, and I'm so teeny."

He smacked my ass on his way out the door.

For the first time since we'd met, Seth was picking at his food instead of eating it. Any other time, I would have assumed that something was bothering him. This time, I knew something was, and I knew exactly what that something was.

It was the food.

"You don't like it?" I asked him.

He frowned at me. "It stinks," he said, and he meant that literally.

"I think it's delicious, Liz," Mel threw in.

"I need meat," Seth said. "This is what food eats."

"It was hard for me at first, too," Melody said. "But think of all the animals whose lives you can save!"

"That one could work for me... But definitely not for Seth." I wasn't sure that wolves even could manage a diet without meat. Veggies and beans might have the appropriate protein for a normal person, but Seth was not a normal person by any measure.

He and I looked at each other, and then down at our platefuls of pasta and cheese alternative with tofu and broccoli. "McDonald's or Burger King?" he asked.

I laughed. "We can decide on the way. Sorry, Mel."

"That's okay," she said as we got up from the table. "Thank you both for trying!"

We were sitting in BK grubbing down when Mark called me. We had a rule about not being on our phones when we went out to eat, and I guess that should include fast food. So I ignored it.

"I wonder if vegans can swallow jizz," I said after swallowing a huge bite of A1 burger. Seth just looked at me funny. "Because we're animals... it's technically an animal product."

He started to laugh. "Maybe it doesn't count if it's given willingly? I don't know. I don't know their rules."

Mark was calling me again. I almost asked if Seth minded if I went ahead and answered, but then I had a little flash of memory from earlier today - myself in his arms, him looking down at me with something in his expression that I just couldn't handle thinking about.

"What?" Seth asked as I tucked my phone away once more.

"Mark and I danced earlier," I told him. "Like, there were these guys playing music in the street and apparently Mark is some kind of secret swing dance professional."

He eyed me for a few seconds. "That doesn't explain your little... grimace and shiver thing I just saw."

My phone went off again, and this time I'd rather face Mark than face Seth's scrutiny. He waved me a go ahead, and I got up before answering my phone.

"Dude, the fuck?"

"Ah, just the witch I was looking for."

I stopped, turned around, checked my phone again. "Who is this?"

"Imagine my surprise when I see you out, not with your wolf... your imprint, right? But with sweet little Mark! Mark who's all... soft and squishy and disgustingly human. So, what's the deal? You and the wolf break up, or were you just having a bit of fun on the side?"

I tried so hard to remember the name of the witch Mark had told me he'd fucked around with before, but it wasn't happening. "What do you want?"

"You know the answer to that, Lizzy! We want you."

Seth was dragging me to the car at this point. He clicked my seat belt into place before peeling out of the lot.

"Are you proposing a trade?"

"I saw you two earlier, dancing together. The way you looked at each other! You seem like the type that would sacrifice yourself for someone you love."

I had an odd moment of pride at that statement. "Where are you?"

"Not yet, doll. I'm going to have some play time with Mark tonight. I sure have missed him all this time." I heard someone scream in agony in the background, and then my car growling as Seth pressed harder on the gas pedal. "Tomorrow. You can meet us tomorrow."

The line went dead, so of course I called back. Again and again. His phone went straight to voicemail without ringing.

I finally looked up at the surroundings we were passing through, and I couldn't find anything but trees. "Where are we?"

"The Cullens."

"Why?"

"Best shot we have right now, baby."

My head was spinning. What was happening? Where did I even start?

Seth got out of the car and had to pull me out of the other side. I was telling myself to process, but wasn't actually processing and the stalemate in my brain had my body on a bit of a shut down. He carried me through the door and then sat on something with me still in his arms.

"What's happened?" Carlisle asked.

Seth started to explain when my eyes found Edward's. I usually hated having him in my head, but this was too convenient to pass up. I gave him a full rundown of everything that had occurred since the day I found out that I was not just an ordinary human being.

"I see," he said once I was through.

"We've never dealt with witches before," Carlisle said thoughtfully once he'd heard Seth's abridged version of events.

"What can you do?" I asked suddenly, my voice small and strange. "You don't hurt people. They wouldn't hold back from hurting you." I remembered how easily I'd killed the vampire in Brooklyn; he didn't really stand a chance against me. The one creature in the world I'd known to be near indestructible, and destroying it took me mere seconds.

"We can't do anything," Edward agreed. "None of us... except Bella."

"Me?" she asked awkwardly.

"You," he said, smiling at her crookedly. "You can protect Elizabeth's coven so that she can strike without distraction."

"My coven," I scoffed. They weren't mine. I was a lone wolf.

"Seth, get your brothers. We need them for this," Edward said, apparently having formed a plan already.

Seth got up and headed for the door, and suddenly I was nervous. It had been quite awhile since I'd spent time with any of the Cullens, even longer since I'd been in a room with all or most of them at once. It wasn't made any easier by the sharpened instincts in me that were screaming danger at their presence, knotting up my guts.

"No worries," Edward laughed.

"I think I understand how the wolves feel around you guys now." I couldn't help it.

"We make her nervous," Edward said to someone else's unspoken question.

Emmett flashed his sharp teeth at me. "Don't worry, we don't bite... much."

I smirked, always defiant. "You should see what I did to the last vampire I met." I snapped my fingers and produced a fireball, snuffing it out in my hand a moment later.

Emmett wasn't smiling anymore.

"That's why you've disappeared!" Alice suddenly said. I turned around to look at her, confused. "I can't see your future anymore. At all. It was really spotty before, because you're almost always with Seth, and because you're possibly the most impulsive person ever. But I noticed a little while back that I wasn't seeing you at all anymore."

"I kind of figured you guys already knew. Renesmee knows," I shrugged.

Edward smiled. "Renesmee is very well practiced at not thinking about things around me that she'd rather keep private."

Him saying that immediately made me remember her talking about wanting to get laid. That made me giggle and him scowl. My amusement didn't last long... my brain was running avoidance at this point, working to keep me from facing what had occurred at some point between me dropping Mark off earlier and stuffing my face with cheap, shitty food.

Seth came back in and crossed the room to stand behind me.

"Why would they take Mark?" Edward was wondering aloud. "Because he's the only one close to you that isn't gifted in some way?"

"Probably," I said, but I knew that wasn't exactly it. They'd taken him because they thought there was something more than friendship between us after seeing us today... understandably so.

"What?" Seth said from behind me.

My eyes snapped to him, then to Edward. "Oh, what in the fuck, dude. Learn to control your facial expressions." I shook my head, exasperated.

Seth was about to ask again what he was missing when wolves howling pierced the air outside. Ana came bouncing through the door moments later, overly excited given the current situation. I could see she was bursting at the seams to tell me something.

I stood up and met her in the middle of the room, hugged her and quickly adjusted our scenery.

She smiled as the wind whipped her hair. "Where are we?!" she yelled over the sound of the waves crashing against rocks below us.

"Somewhere you can tell me whatever it is you're smiling about." And where I can avoid Seth and the fucking mind reader.

She walked to the edge of the balcony we were standing on to look out at the waters below. "It's beautiful," she said.

"It is, but we should probably get back before everyone starts freaking out."

"Oh, right. Sorry." She cheesed at me once more. "Josh and I are going to get married."

I wanted to be so excited for her, to jump up and down and squeal like a good best friend. I had to settle for a hug and a "I'm so happy for you!" instead.

She didn't care, because she was on point in her best friend role right now. "I'm sorry I came in excited about this," she said. "I know this is a bad time..."

I sort of smiled. "It's not like you planned it." I conjured a bottle of Cristal and two glasses, and we shared a toast.

"Liz..." Ana hooked her arm easily with mine. "Let's go save St. Claire Extraordinaire."


	35. How Long The Night Was

35\. How Long The Night Was

It was all eyes on us when we returned to the Cullen house.

"What?" I shrugged before sipping my champagne. I hadn't asked Ana why she was keeping this a secret, but I wasn't going to tell anyone. Except Edward, but that wasn't my fault.

"Liz, we need a location. Can you do that?" Carlisle said, acting as spokesperson.

"Sure." I nodded at Ana. "Come on."

Alice took us up to her bedroom and we sat across from each other. Alice went to leave and I stopped her.

"You're made up of magic. It might help us," I told her honestly.

She smiled as she sat down completing our circle, and took each of our hands. As soon as Ana gripped my other hand, we were catapulted together through a wormhole, our abilities mixing into something strange and powerful. There were vibrant colors pulsating around us and it gave me the odd sensation of what I imagined it felt like to be born.

Suddenly, without warning, we were within the lair of the enemy.

The room was large and dark; the only light was coming from old-school torches in holders along the walls. The walls and floor were stone, and towards the far wall was a literal throne. Sitting there was a woman, her face drawn and bitter. Scattered throughout the room were many women... and some vampires. I counted three.

A pretty blonde entered the room through a huge wooden door... Was this a fucking castle? It really looked like a castle. No wonder witches were going dark side.

The blonde approached the throne and knelt down.

"How's our company holding up?" The woman sitting in the large chair asked, smiling evilly.

"He's asleep," the blonde answered happily. "Passed out from the pain, I believe. Should I wake him?"

"No, leave him be for now. I'll end his suffering tomorrow."

The scene suddenly shifted, and we were floating above the building we'd been inside of seconds before. It wasn't a castle, just a house made to look like one. We began a strange descent back to our waiting bodies, flying backwards all the way to the Cullen house - which wasn't all that far, oddly enough - and then floated down to ourselves.

I gasped and doubled over, something malicious taking hold of my insides. It came out of my mouth with an inhuman sound and a burst of bright smoke.

"Liz!" Alice said.

"Oh my god..." Ana came closer to my quivering form and smoothed the hair away from my sweaty face.

I opened my eyes and they both gasped. Ana's hand jerked away from me.

"What?" I panted as they stared.

"Your eyes," Ana said, still fairly freaked. "Your eyes were like fire."

My breath was still coming in quick, short bursts, and I was suddenly crying. I disappeared from Alice's room to sit on the roof and cradle my legs to my chest.

There was no avoiding it anymore. My best friend had been kidnapped and tortured, his execution already planned for tomorrow... because of me. Because he was seen with me, or because he loved me more than he should. Because it was clear to anyone that I would do whatever was asked of me to spare his life.

I thought about what the world would be missing if he wasn't here, if there was no more of his bright personality and his dark art. That inevitably led to me thinking about what _I_ would be missing... Mark was important to me. Special to me. We'd had that instant click when we met, and we'd gotten so close since then. He was my best friend and my confidant. I'd been leaning on him so much lately, seeking comfort in him. Maybe more than I should have.

"Do you love him?" Edward sat down silently beside of me.

"Not in the way that you mean," I said, wiping my tears away. "But of course I love him. He's..." Mark. He was basically a piece of me. He saw straight through me and still stuck by my side. He knew how fucked up I could be and he loved me anyway.

He loved me.

"Being in your mind is so different. It strikes me every time," he commented. "I actually enjoy your perspective."

"Thanks," I said, not really caring. My mind was elsewhere.

"I was wondering something," he said.

"I guess that doesn't happen to you much."

"Indeed."

It was silent for a moment. "Well?"

"Why don't you use your powers to get the things you want?" he asked.

His question really confused me. "I have everything I want," I finally said. "Well... there are some other things I want. Maybe there's a spell to stop climate change and end war, hunger, poverty. Maybe if I survive tomorrow, I can fix the whole world."

"Do you want to kill these witches?"

I looked at his too-perfect face with wide eyes. I didn't want to kill anyone. Ever. I already had once, and it haunted me. I was sure it always would. No way was I willing to add to my death toll.

"What did you plan to do with them?"

I sighed. "I'm not sure exactly. I have to strip them of magic. After that..." I had nothing but to let them go. I figured calling the police and having them arrested for kidnapping was a bit much considering the many, many circumstances. I didn't have any other choices.

"They could come for you again."

"I don't live in the world of "could". If something goes down, i'll handle it. I'm not offing a bunch of misled young women," I snapped.

"Come up with a plan of action. I'll talk to the others about ideas." He started to get up and bent his knees, ready to jump. "Oh, and Liz? When you're asking yourself how you fit with Seth, remember this conversation. You two balance each other. I hope you realize... that you are a good person."

He left me more confused than ever.

 _Liz?_

I scratched at my ear and spoke silently in return. _Hey, Lily._

I could feel her prodding at my insides. _I'd ask if you're okay... When do you want us to come?_

 _Tomorrow. I'll be here._ And then I shut her out.

I wanted to be alone - or I thought I did.

"Elizabeth?" I heard from far below me. "Can I come up?"

He was wrapping me in his warm arms moments later. I wanted to get lost here, in this perfect solace I only found in him.

"I'm sorry. For not saying something earlier about Mark." I choked out his name and gritted my teeth.

"Me too. I've known this whole time."

I looked up at him and let my expression speak for me.

"He kissed you within weeks of you befriending him - "

"Yeah, but that was - " I began to interject.

He stuck his finger in the air and I stopped. "I thought he was over it for a while, and he might have been. But over time there was a shift in the way he looked at you."

I sighed. "It doesn't bother you?"

I could tell just by looking at him that it did. "It's not like he can help it. And I still trust you both." He smiled. "It's just hard not to love you."

"I wish he didn't. And I feel shitty for even thinking that."

"People fall in love, they fall out of love. He'll find someone else someday." His fever hot lips touched my shoulder. "You should sleep for a few hours."

I wiped at my tear-stained face and tired eyes. "What's the plan so far?"

"Show of force. All of us are going to meet them with you, Bella is going to shield everyone from their spells. Of course we'll take out the vamps... Edward said you won't consent to killing them."

"I can't do that." I kill them, I become them.

He pulled my body tighter to his. "I don't want that, either. None of us do."

I leaned my head into his chest and immediately slipped into a dream.

 **(Mark)** \- Something In The Way...

I ground my teeth together and winced as Misty took a lit cigarette to my bare chest.

She pulled back and her eyes met mine expectantly.

I smirked at her. "Fuck yeah, baby. Give me another one."

Her face slipped into a childish pout. "You're no fun anymore, Mark." She stuck the smoke between my lips and flung herself on the couch I was chained up two feet from.

"You're fuckin' crazy. You know that?" I had to spit the burning cigarette butt away from me.

She raised her head and smiled at me. "You used to like it."

"I used to be stupid." And that was the truth. I was so over these immature chicks.

The smile twisted into something grotesque. She got up and walked over with her finger pointing out, then she suddenly stuck it into the burn she'd created moments ago.

I couldn't pretend that time; she'd caught me off guard. I screamed and she smiled, satisfied.

"Your girlfriend is going to be dead this time tomorrow," she taunted.

I managed to laugh at that. "You all are some twitty ass bitches running this place."

"Excuse me?" she said.

"You all are stupid, Misty. Fucking dumb. I mean, I knew that _you_ were, but I would have figured your overlords or some of the others at least weren't as fucking shit-for-brains as you."

She straight punched me in the face, and it hurt - but I just laughed and spit the blood out. "You're so worthless, even your bitch won't take the time to come and find you to save you," she sneered.

"Why in the hell do you think she would? Liz is not my girlfriend. You all were too fucking dumb to even nab the right guy." I laughed and straightened my spine. I eyed the pack of Marlboro's on the broken desk to my right, and Misty lit one for me and put it in my mouth.

"We've seen you two together," she said.

"Yeah, and? We're friends. Not everyone is fucking around with everyone they befriend."

"There's something there. I saw it myself," she tried to defend her position.

"There's not."

"She has feelings for you," she said doubtfully.

I shook my head. "She doesn't. You guys did all of this shit for nothing because you couldn't spend two minutes getting to know your target."

"Shut your filthy mouth before I feed you to one of the vampires," she snapped angrily. "She WILL come to get you back tomorrow, and when she does... we're going to slice her open and drain her dry. We're going to kill everyone she brings with her. And then we're going to kill you."

"Go ahead and off me, you decrepit old shitbag. I'd rather be dead than listening to you."

She leaned down until her face was right in mine. "Maybe I'll keep you around as a sort of... pet, or play thing. I've just had such a great time with you today," she smiled.

"Fuck me," I laughed. She actually had me there. I didn't mind dying, but the idea of spending time with this lunatic past tomorrow was just too much.

She ran her fingers roughly through my hair and stood back at her full height. "Maybe tomorrow. I doubt you'd be up for it tonight," she said, smiling as she eyed my crotch.

"In your dreams, babe." I stood up for the first time since I'd been here, which was an unpleasant experience, but now I actually had use of my hands. I took my cigarette in one hand and smoothed my hair with the other. "How do I look?" I grinned as widely as I could, knowing full well that I looked like hammered dog shit. She'd done a number on me today.

She was looking at me for a few seconds, and then it was like she wasn't as psycho. Like the crazy in her eyes just drained away. "You look like shit," she said, and it sounded like she felt bad about that. She picked up the cigarettes again and lit one for herself. I guess I can move you to the couch soon," she said as she eyed another fixture on the wall that she could hook my chains to.

"Why don't you just hold me magically? This chain shit is inhumane."

"I can't waste magic on something like that with everything going on. Lira would kill me."

She seemed like a totally different person than the one that had spent hours of today literally torturing me... so I chanced a serious question. "What do you guys want Liz for, anyways? I mean, assuming there's reasoning behind this elaborate plot to murder her."

She sighed as she dug around in her pocket for a moment, and then she surprised the hell out of me by unlocking the cuffs on both of my hands. "We want her power. She's bursting with it, and there's only one way to extract that much of it without her killing us all in the process."

"How's that?"

"She has to willingly give her blood."

I sat down on the couch and kicked my feet up. "And you guys think that she's going to offer herself up in exchange for me?" I scoffed. "No way is that happening."

"Whatever," she said, rolling her eyes. "Look, I'll leave the chains off and just lock the door, but I swear to goddess - "

"I won't try anything funny, I swear."

She eyeballed me as she shut me into the room, alone with my thoughts. I'd had a burst of strange nostalgia when I had realized one of my captors was none other than Misty freaking Sunshine... but my head had already remembered everything from that short affair, and I wasn't running through that shit again.

I thought about the one thing that I always thought about; a pale skinned, blonde haired, blue eyed beauty. I thought about the way she smelled, the sound of her voice when she sang, how incredibly cute it was when she laughed. I thought about the way she looked at me the day that I fell into the abyss of loving someone that would never love me in return.

I had gotten the short end of the stick with that one, but I was dealing with it. I couldn't be angry that Seth was with her, because when it came down to it I knew that he was better than me. He was the nicest person I knew and I envied the fuck out of him.

I'd made the decision to stick around Liz, knowing that we would never run off into the sunset together, knowing that it would be hard sometimes... knowing that this was better than cutting her out of my life. And I was cool with that.

In the real world, she belonged to him. But when I closed my eyes, I could practically feel the heat of her skin on mine.


	36. Drain The Blood

36\. Drain The Blood

The forest was whizzing past me as I gripped Seth's sand colored fur. It was exhilarating, exactly what I needed right now to both calm my nerves and prepare me for war. My heart was pounding in anticipation, but I felt as steady as a rock.

I'd gotten the call just two hours before, and we'd all set off. The Cullens were in the lead, and the witches had opted for a smooth ride on the backs of the wolves we'd brought with us. We were going into this blind - Alice's vision was blocked from all sides by wolves and witches - but I was certain we were going to win this. I couldn't stand to consider the alternative.

I was hyper aware of every beat of Seth's paws against the green carpet of forest, every breath he drew in and out of his massive lungs. I leaned closer to him, feeling that somehow, the proximity would give me the strength to do whatever I needed to bring Mark and everyone else home unharmed.

I started to feel the magic getting heavier in the air, but I didn't need to signal anyone. There was a slow down and a pause as each of the Cullens met my sisters eyes with their own, a silent questioning.

We weren't backing down. Ready or not, this was happening today.

We eased our group forward until we reached a clearing, vamps in the lead with the rest of us falling in line behind. I couldn't see past them, so I floated up a bit.

There were at least a hundred witches standing opposite our group.

I touched ground at the front of our small army, finally able to see the leader of my enemies in person.

I searched the sea of anxious faces; some of these women looked very determined. Some looked downright petrified, eyes darting around at the vampires and wolves behind me. Lira looked absolutely smug, and I was really looking forward to knocking that fucking look off her face.

"Give him back to me," I demanded.

She smiled. "It's so nice to finally meet you, Elizabeth. You're simply pulsing with power."

"I'm not here to bullshit with you. Give Mark back to me now." I could hear snarling as Seth came up next to me, towering and sinister.

She looked at me for a bit, disregarding the rest of my party. "Take the shield off of her," she demanded in return.

I shook my head no at Bella. "Let me see him first."

From the back of the group, two women pulled the chains that were wrapped around Mark's wrists. They walked him to the center area between us and let him fall there, broken and bloodied but alive.

"Drop it, Bella. Just from me."

"Don't make a move," Lira sneered as one of Mark's captors put a knife to his throat. "You come to me first."

My eyes shifted and landed on Seth's. He phased back, leaving him naked in the moonlight for the whole crowd to see. The look on his face was heart breaking... I almost couldn't stand it. I put my fingertips to his face and watched some of the tension melt away beneath my touch.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way," I told him. "Goodbye."

He kissed me, and it was an absolute shock to my system. I don't know what I had expected it to feel like, but this was lava burning through my veins, like my soul passing from my lips to his. It was like purging myself of something I desperately needed.

"I love you," he breathed against my still tingling lips.

I felt so weak, so fragile as I crossed the twenty feet or so to hand myself over to the Dark Ones.

Lira grabbed me as soon as I was within her reach. She lifted me high into the air, and invisible ropes bound my arms and legs. I dropped back to the ground hard, hog tied and ready for slaughter. She rolled me over and smiled down at me.

I felt the knife prick, then slice across the flesh just over my heart. Lira bent to drink triumphantly as a wolf howled.

She stopped suddenly and eyed the small sub-group of vampires on her side of the line. "Coercere," she said, and though they still leered at me hungrily, they couldn't go anywhere.

She bent towards my breast once more and drew a mouthful of blood from my body, slowly and painfully. Then she spit it out. "What is this?!" she shrieked, bending to my chest once again. She spit that out, too, then she slapped me hard. "Where is your power?!" she screamed.

"It's right here, bitch," Seth sneered, suddenly right beside of us. He knocked her away from us as many of the witches behind her fled, some to the woods behind them, and some - along with the vampires in their group - went to fight the battle they'd come for.

Seth lifted me and breathed my powers back into my body where they belonged, healing me in the process. It felt incredible, like waking up fully recovered from some formidable illness. It took me to the sky.

There was a lot going on behind me, but my focus was on my enemies. I flew towards the trees and watched the figures scatter like ants. "Et conversi estis." The scene flipped around and suddenly they were all running back towards the battlefield. I waited until the last one arrived in the field, confused about the situation. "Saeptum," I said, and walls appeared around the entire clearing.

The magic flowing around this small space was enough to make it tangible. I had to focus to separate the wild dance of energies, and then I absorbed the powers that had been abused. The magic itself was untainted; it was neutral, just like Lily had told me. It didn't feel evil inside of me... It felt pure. Beautiful.

Just as my feet touched the ground, I realized the fatal flaw in our plan. No one had secured Mark.

Lira slit his throat with the same knife she'd used on me. Blood spurted from the wound as he dropped to the ground.

My screams pierced the night, shriek after shriek and then a growled incantation from deep within my gut, "Nunc Ligula!". Lira's body was suddenly in chunks laying feet away from each other, almost like she'd imploded or been violently ripped to pieces.

And I couldn't have cared less.

Thunder shook the Earth as the sky wept for me. The ground beneath my knees turned to mud as I slid towards Mark's lifeless body.

"No, please!" I cried. This couldn't be it. This couldn't be the way that his life ended.

They were all around me, everyone freaking out, apologizing. I could barely make out what they were saying. I put my lips to Mark's trying to push the life back into him with force. I could heal people, this shouldn't be too far off from that... But it wasn't working. I sat up and pulled his top half up on my legs, kissing his lifeless lips once more.

I was starting to panic. My magic had been hindered at times due to substances, but it had never once downright failed me. I heard myself begging him to come back, I tried to channel everything inside of me into him.

He couldn't be dead. He was Mark! He was so full of life and love and fun, and the world couldn't afford to lose people like him. I couldn't lose him. Not like this.

There was a spark from my lips to his, and then a gasp. My face inched back until he caught the back of my head in his hand, and out of nowhere he was kissing me.

I didn't kiss him back... but I didn't stop him, either. For that brief moment that it was happening, I felt conflicted and excited. It wasn't like a Seth kiss, or like smooching anyone else for that matter, but it wasn't bad as far as one sided kisses go. It felt like he needed it, and I was going to let it slide.

He smiled at me, his eyes twinkling brightly. "Sorry about that," he said.

"Oh, I'm sure you were just disoriented from being brought back," I said with a wave of my hand. I looked him over carefully, touched the part of his eyebrow that had been gashed open. "Are you okay?"

"I am... I feel different, but good."

"I'm so sorry about this," I said as I hugged him to me again.

He shook his head. "You don't control these crazy bitches. All you did was save my life. So... thank you."

My returning smile was brief. He sat up and we both rose to our feet. I looked at the large group and moved the Dark Ones away from the others. I started marching towards them, kicking pieces of Lira out of my path. I scooped up the severed head by it's hair and held it high for all of them to see.

"Get a good look at me ladies. Get a good look at her," I pointed. "If a single one of you crosses me or anyone I care about, I will not hesitate!" I yelled. "I'm not like you, but I'm not like them, either. I will kill you, any and every one of you if I need to."

I threw the head towards the other parts and mentally assembled them all into a pile before setting it all on fire.

"Anyone? Feel free to step to me now if we have a problem." I actually smiled at them. "We can, like, bare-knuckle box or something since none of you even have powers anymore. Anyone?" I gave them a moment before I dropped the physical barrier encasing everyone, snapped my fingers and sent all of the women to their own homes.

Exhaustion set in, and then an excitement that was too good to describe. I'd set something right today, got rid of a huge threat... and I got Mark back. That felt like the most important part to me.

I finally turned towards my own group, which was already in the midst of triumphant celebration.I watched them for a moment, not wanting to join them. I didn't feel like I should celebrate a win that included a loss. I stalked over anyways and gathered the witches.

"I've been thinking..." I started to tell them.

"Liz," Lily cautioned.

"I don't need this. And stop poking around in my head!" I turned my attention to the rest of the curious group. "I want to share my power with you all," I said. "It's up to each of you if you want it or not."

"You realize that you'll be less powerful as a result?" Cecily asked.

"I figured I'd be like you," I shrugged.

"You're trading an eternity for... maybe five hundred years or so. You need to stop and really think about this."

"I do NOT want to live forever," I said loudly. I could feel pairs of eyes shifting to rest on all angles of me. "There probably won't even be a world in another five hundred years."

She nodded her head and stepped back a bit, signalling that she was out on the magic boost. Everyone else joined hands, and I let my very essence flow around the circle. Oddly enough, it didn't feel like it was being subtracted from me... it felt like it was multiplying as I shared it.

"I'm trusting you all with this. Don't let me down," I warned. I never asked to be in this position... I never sought power over much beyond music. But I was here, and as much as I disliked it, I'd always do what needed to be done to protect who I could. There was no law now... there was just me.

I started towards Mark when Lily stopped me. "What will you do now?" she asked.

I pushed my sopping wet hair out of my face. "I'm getting my friends together, going home, getting drunk and playing guitar all evening. Then I'm going to fuck my man, go to sleep and start fresh tomorrow."

She raised her eyebrows. "That's quite a plan."

"Want to come with?"

"Absolutely," she smiled, wrapping her arm across my shoulders.


	37. Sappy

**_"You'll wallow in your shit, then you'll think you're happy." - Nirvana (Sappy)_**

37\. Sappy

I was stretched out on my belly flipping through my issue of Rolling Stone when someone's presence invaded my bubble.

"Liz?" Lily's voice called quietly though my door.

I flicked my hand toward it, pulling it open. She came in and closed it behind her, then she just stopped.

I swiveled my head around to meet her gaze. "Are you checking out my ass?"

She smirked as her eyes roamed upwards to my face. "That booty, though."

I rolled my eyes and flipped over. "My eyes are up here," I joked.

"Last night was wild," she said as she flopped backwards onto my bed.

I laughed. "That tends to happen when I'm around. Did you meet Chris?"

"Which one was he? There were so many guys here and it's kind of a blur."

"He was the one that kept awkwardly floating back to your vicinity but was too chickenshit to talk to you."

"Oh," she giggled.

"So... are you a lesbian, or are you bisexual?" The question sounded a lot more confident coming out of my mouth than it should have. This was totally not my business, and I wouldn't have cared about the answer if not for what happened last night.

"I swing both ways. Why? Are you going to set me up with a hot wolf dude?"

"Would you be cool with it if I did?"

She smiled. "I'm not opposed to the idea." We were silent for a few moments before she sat up. "Jesus Christ. Your head is a mess today."

"Get out of my head, dick!"

"You don't have to fix the whole world, Liz. You're powerful, but you're just one person.

I waved my hand at her. "Just stop digging around my brain. That shit is annoying. My thoughts are mine."

"Fine, fine," she pouted. "Anyway, I wanted to do a spell with you."

"What kind?" I asked skeptically.

"Purely for fun... and prettiness," she promised.

"Okay." We sat knee-to-knee and clasped hands.

"Go to your happy place," she said.

I sighed. "Fucking hell, Lily."

"Just focus on Seth," she said, not letting my crappy mood affect her. A few seconds later, she told me to open my eyes.

My room was full of bright, twinkling colors, like teeny fairies were flying around in here.

"Bedazzle your world!" she exclaimed, waving her arms wide.

"This is fucking fabulous." She would some serious bank working drag shows. "Come in, Mark!" I yelled as I felt him approach my door. Lily faded the glittery lights until they were gone as he and I watched.

"Mind if we talk for a minute?" he asked nervously.

I looked at Lily, who nodded her head and left. "What's up?"

"Well, first of all... whoa, vampires," he put his hands up, but his voice was dripping sarcasm.

"I wanted to tell you a long time ago, but I was told it would lead to you being offed. So I kept it to myself," I shrugged. "I can't be responsible for your death twice."

"You and Seth have both given me that for my protection shit, Liz. I'm too deep for you to do that now." He lit a cigarette, his fingers shaking. "Besides, it's not like you could know what it would really lead to."

"I could, actually. I know someone that sees the future."

His eyes fell on me for the first time since yesterday and he visibly softened. "Can't you call them? Please?"

My phone was already ringing. "I think it's safe," Alice said, her opening statement. "I don't see anything resulting from you telling him the truth."

"I thought I blocked your visions..." I replied, confused.

"I can still see some things. I can see Mark interacting with you, what his decisions lead to."

"Oh. Thanks Alice," I sighed

"No problem," she practically sang.

"Alright," I said, hitting the end button on my phone. "Let's talk vampires."

I told him everything that I knew, everything about the Cullens and about the Volturi... everything about his mother. He stood there the whole time, listening intently, still as a stone. He didn't interrupt once, his face gave nothing away. Once I finished, he sat down on my bed next to me and hung his head.

"Why don't you want to live forever?" he finally asked. Not at all what I was expecting.

"I'm not afraid of dying anymore." Living is harder... I knew from experience. "Forever is too long."

He lifted his head and his jewel green eyes fell on mine, nearly stunning me in their intensity. I turned away and his hand caught my face. "Please... don't do that."

"Do what?" I said, because I didn't know how else to respond. I felt like things were about to be laid out plainly, and I really did not like that. My stomach was doing flips.

"Look, the last thing that I want is for things to get weird between us."

"Why would they?" I responded, still playing dumb. I just couldn't talk about this. I couldn't even think about it.

He took a very deep breath. "Liz - "

"Don't," I pleaded. "We really don't have to talk about this."

That seemed to strike an angry chord in him. "Fuck yes we do! We're going to talk about it, and then we're going to move the hell on. I can't stand you acting so weird towards me because of this!" He put a hand on each of my shoulders and forced me to look at him. "I love you. I am fucking crazy in love with you. It is what it is. I will not hit on you, or interfere in your relationship. I won't cause you any problems. I know where I stand with you... and I'm fine with it. Just don't distance yourself from me because you know how I feel now."

"I feel like I'm hurting you," I finally said. "Just by being around. Like I'm rubbing it in your face or something. And I'm worried that if we stay like this... you'll never move on."

"You're not hurting me. Putting a wall up when I'm around will hurt me." He brushed my bangs to the side and dropped his hands. "I'm not stupid, Liz. I know I'll never be with you as anything more than this. You and Seth are untouchable and I'd never even try to mess with that. I never wanted this to effect my relationship with either of you."

"So... you want me to just pretend I don't know?" I asked, cynical to the core.

"Yes, please," he answered dramatically.

I stared at him for a few moments and then shrugged my shoulders. "I can try that, I think. But," I sighed. "This is a lot to take in," I said carefully. "I really didn't think you saw me like that. As much as I want things to be the same as always between us, it's going to be in the back of my head."

His face crumpled. "Do you not want me around anymore?"

"Are you kidding? I just got you back, dumbass." I stuck my tongue out at him; I could _not_ deal with all the things going on inside of me and have to look at that sad face at the same time. "I don't want you to go away. To be completely honest, if at some point I feel like our relationship is starting to have a negative impact on you or on me or Seth, I'll be the one to send you on your way. I won't like it, but that's how it is."

"I can accept that," he agreed with a smile.

I smirked at him for a moment and then threw my arms around him. We clearly had a very strange relationship, and it wasn't like I was enjoying the... complications. I just loved him. Not in the way that he loved me - and I was not even going to begin to entertain any thoughts of whether or not that would be the case if Seth was not in the picture - but loved him in my own way.

"So." I picked up my phone and tapped the screen a few times. "After I dropped you off the other day, before the madness began on my end, I got this."

He took my phone and read over the flyer, his smile growing wider. "I'm so fucking proud of you," he said. "Marilyn Manson! I want a backstage pass when I come see you."

"Well... actually, I was going to see if you wanted to come with. The whole tour, or however long you're comfortable being away from home."

He looked up at me slowly, totally stunned. "Are you serious?"

"I wouldn't kid around about such a thing."

He jumped up excitedly, but I shut it down.

"Wait. You'd have to work... everyone has to throw in to make this shit happen. And of course you'd be stuck in a van a lot of the time, and I guess I don't have to warn you about the lack of hygiene when you're on the road. You sure you're up for all of that?"

"Fuck yes I am."

I was having a quick shower when I heard my bedroom door opening later that day. I had a houseful again; my home was already a sort of party spot for a lot of the pack, and they were still feeling pumped from an easy victory yesterday. I was glad for it today.

I didn't want to be alone.

I stepped out of the scalding water and into Seth's waiting embrace. Everywhere we touched soaked his clothing through with water, but we stayed like that for a few minutes before he pulled away just enough to kiss me.

"I missed you," he whispered against my lips.

"I missed you, too. Why did you even go to work today?"

He smooched the tip of my nose and whipped a towel off the rack and around my shoulders. "I figured you might need some time." I stared at him quizzically until he finished the thought, "To talk to Mark."

I turned my guilty expression to the floor and my matte black, rhinestone encrusted toenails. "I don't have anything to talk to Mark about that I need you to leave for."

"Just seemed like the polite thing to do," he shrugged.

He locked our bedroom door before I started getting dressed. "We did talk. He basically promised he'd never actually try to get with me and said he still wants to be my BFFF."

"Three F's?"

"Best fucking friend forever." I started brushing the knots out of my hair, trying to avoid all of the little braids that ran the length of it. I could see his laughing face in the mirror before he sat, then laid down on the bed. I waited for him to comment on what I'd said, but he didn't. I didn't ask, either. Instead, I sat combing through my mane of hair and my mind slipped to an image that refused to leave the forefront of my mind.

This shit with Mark was more like a distraction to me today than an actual issue... especially after we had spoken about it. Resolving that left a ton of thinking space for the one thing I didn't want to think about: Lira. More specifically, what I'd done to Lira. She was awful, no doubt. I could maybe even tell myself that I'd done the world a favor by getting rid of her. The problem wasn't so much that I had killed her...

I pictured the blood spraying onto the grass and into the air around her as meaty chunks of her went flying, and I couldn't hide my disgust. The logical side of me said that I did what had to be done, but the emotional side of me knew that I'd done it in a manner that made me a monster.

Blood and gore would be my legacy.

"Elizabeth?" His mouth caressed my name, but his voice was full of concern. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said.

"Fine never means fine. You don't have to pretend." He sat up and drew closer, wrapped his arms around me from behind. His lips touched my neck and my eyes fluttered closed. "Tell me where your mind is," he breathed against my skin.

"I can't stop picturing her," I said, my voice barely reaching above a whisper.

"You didn't do anything wrong. You were acting in defense of yourself and tons of others. Who knows how long that hag was wandering the Earth, killing innocent people?" He raised his head and met my eyes in the reflection of the mirror. "I know how it feels... like it's dirty and wrong. But it's just a part of what we have to do. We're protectors."

I half smiled. "Supernatural police."

He pecked my cheek. "I'm sorry this is something we ended up finding common ground on, but just so you know, you were so incredible yesterday. I knew you would be and you still surprised me." His eyes snapped towards the door and he eased himself back to his feet in one lithe movement.

"Baby?" I pouted.

"Pizza," he said with a smile.

After everyone had eaten and got at least a few beers in them, after we all hung out and played music and fucked off for awhile, I decided I _did_ want to be alone. One second I was looking at my large impromptu family joyfully, the next I was lost in my head again. I needed a breather.

"Where are you going?" Seth touched my arm as I was passing.

"Bathroom," I made up on the spot. I went in and locked the door, then blinked myself to a cliff at First Beach.

I sat at the ledge, dangling my feet over. I smoked a cigarette and watched the ocean, stirring and thrashing violently against the rock wall below.

Then I stood up, spread my arms wide, and fell over the edge.


	38. Be Quiet And Drive

38\. Be Quiet And Drive

"I don't care where, just FAR - away... And I don't care where, just FAR - away..." I screamed and sang intimately into the microphone. The crowd was absolutely losing their shit tonight - we had jam packed my favorite hometown club full of hooligans. There were even people crowded in the parking lot waiting for anyone to leave so that they'd be allowed in.

Even though the place was at capacity, this was by far the smallest crowd we'd played this summer. I'd been pushed repeatedly to not book this show, but I wasn't hearing any of that... I had stood at the edge of this very stage so many times, looking up into the faces of rock stars while I dreamed of the life they were leading. I might not be where I was now if this bar hadn't existed as I was growing up, might not ever have gotten to feel the incredible privilege of screaming my heart out with the lights resting on me and the crowd at my feet, begging for more.

We did one more original song after the Deftones cover and wrapped up the night right at two thirty in the morning. I mingled around and did the after-show routine while the guys loaded up, and then I quietly slipped away as the crowd dissipated. I had mixed feelings about being home, some of them good, but I was running well below the empty line. I just wanted to crawl into a warm bed and cuddle Seth until I fell asleep.

Ana, Josh and Mark were piled in the backseat of my Cam, drunk off their asses and still rowdy as hell. I ended up having to go inside Caroline's house with the three of them to help them to their rooms. I went to the kitchen and got a bottle of ibuprofen and a few bottles of water. Ana and Josh were passed out on her bed when I brought everything back to the room.

I left two waters and six ibuprofen on the nightstand, kissed Ana's cheek goodnight and headed down to the basement. "Mark?" I asked through the closed door.

It swung open almost immediately and I held out the remaining bottle and three more ibuprofen. "Good looking out," he complimented before downing half of the water. "You have any cigarettes?"

I opened up my pack and there were only two left.

"Share one with me?"

I pulled one out and lit it before stepping around him and sitting on the bed. "Have fun tonight?" I asked conversationally.

"Yeah. I'm looking forward to staying here all week." I held the smoke out and he popped it between his lips and took a long draw. "What's up with you today?"

I sighed. "Being here... This town don't feel mine."

He didn't say anything, just passed my cigarette back as he sat beside me, then laid his head on my shoulder. I leaned my head against his, patted his back and got up.

"See you in the morning," I told him. I left through the front door and rode the two minutes or so back to my mother's home with Seth in silence. He went to my old room while I walked to the back to see if Mom was already asleep... She was, and as soon as I registered that, I noticed the pill bottles on the nightstand. I crept quietly across the room and turned each bottle until the label faced me; percocet, roxycodone, and xanax.

I stood for a moment, reading and rereading the names on the orange bottles and decided that there was nothing to be done. I wasn't here enough to babysit my mother, and I wasn't going to waste my time feeling bad or even being surprised by her substance abuse. She'd given up on me so long ago that I couldn't even remember a time when she tried to give a shit. And now I understood in some twisted way, because I was giving up on her right back.

I stalked back to my room and started peeling my clothes away, trying not to let any frustration creep it's way in. I was tired and I had been craving the comfort of Seth's arms all day. He lifted the corner of the blanket for me, silently assessing my expression as I climbed in beside him.

I didn't want him to ask, and he didn't. He met my gaze evenly as his hand grazed my hips, and then he caught my face and kissed me. It was slow, comforting... until my hands gripped his back. He grabbed at my hip roughly, his fingers digging into my skin until it almost hurt.

I wanted it to hurt.

I raised up onto my knees and pulled my long locks into a ponytail, high up on my head. It was a signal to him, something I'd come up with to get my way when I was being too shy to actually say it. The hair going up meant that things were about to get rough and downright nasty.

He rose up to my level, eyes locked to mine and searching for a change of thought. There was none to be found. He spun me around and jerked me to him, one arm around my torso, one hand wound around my hair. My head snapped to the right and his mouth was on my throat, sniffing and nibbling. He bit my collarbone so hard that I cried out, and he slapped a hand over my mouth before pushing my face down into a pillow. The hand that wasn't still wrapped around my hair hit my ass hard enough to welt, and before I had time to even register that pain he was forcing his way inside of me.

It was still mostly dark outside when I found myself lying there unable to rest, Seth snoring peacefully beside of me. I should have been conked out; I'd been tired all day and Seth had really done a number on me tonight. But here I was, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling as I fought a mysterious pull from my bed. I finally gave in, got up and threw some clothes on.

I paced the span of my mother's back porch twice before running down the stairs. I hit the street running and slowed to a quick-paced walk so that no one ended up calling the police over some crazy blonde tearing ass down the street at four in the morning.

Passing by Ana's, I could see a silhouette leaning against a wood column near her front door. I couldn't see anything more but I knew it was Mark, and I knew he'd follow me. I didn't particularly mind, but I wasn't sure if I wanted company. I didn't address him and he kept his distance as he weaved his way uptown after me.

I didn't know what I was looking for. I got past the Corner Shop and the streets were empty, so I started to sprint again. I felt the need to get somewhere and to get there quick, like I was fighting against the daylight breaking through the sky above me. I passed the college and as soon as I hit Main Street, I turned left without thinking.

I stopped midway up the street and grabbed the trunk of a tree on the sidewalk as I fought to catch my breath. I blinked and then zeroed in on the dirt under my feet, my hand grasping the tree. I'd been here a thousand times or more... but the last time I'd been here, I had died. Right here against this puny little tree on a sidewalk.

And I'd been reborn.

I didn't know how and I didn't know why... I didn't understand any of it. I was here and I was different. The last time I was here, the last night of my life, I wasn't a witch and I wasn't a murderer. I wasn't an average person either, by any means, but I was just a girl then. Now...

Now I was a powerhouse, a true force to be reckoned with. Something had blessed me with more power than anyone on Earth possessed.

"All this way for a tree?" Mark said as he stepped around to my side and put his hands on the trunk. "Feels pretty tree-like to me."

"I died here," I said as I took a step backwards. It didn't look any more significant to me. "I'm not sure why I'm here..."

"You're here because the world needs you to be," he answered, catching my double meaning with ease. "And maybe you're _here_ to remember that."

The sun broke through the clouds in a brilliant display of color and light, but I could only glance at it. I stared at this crummy old spot in this crummy old town and I silently pleaded for some type of peace, some sense or feeling of meaning to tonight or to that night or to anything. I'd been drawn here for something, but there was nothing to be seen, nothing to be felt but emptiness.

Then, like the sun bursting through the clouds, my pain emerged with a pathetic whimper. I threw my arms around the tree, pressed myself against it and bawled my eyes out. "Why am I here?" I choked out quietly. Why had I come back, why did it change me? Why me and not someone else?

I sensed him as he rounded the corner, but I didn't look up. "You're here for me," he spoke softly once he'd reached my side. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me back and into him. "And you're here because you're going to change the world, Liz."

I actually laughed at that. The only change I'd bring to the world was burning it down.

"Baby... look up."

I wiped my face on his shirt before gazing up, blinking uncomfortably at the brightness. "It's beautiful..."

"It's not raining," he pointed out. My emotions should have stirred up at least something... I still wasn't _that_ in control of my magic affecting things outside of me, not when I'd hit this point. Yet, here we were. "I'm not sure that you realize how quickly you grow and change. You have so much time here, and you're not the type of person that wastes it. You're going to do something wonderful one day." He shifted to the side so that I could see Mark puttering around behind him awkwardly. "Look what you've already done."

I sniffled and smiled just a little. "At least there's that."

Mark cracked a smile and shook his head. "At least," he replied sarcastically.

I swiped at my face some more with the sleeves of my favorite flannel and tried on a smile... it wasn't so hard. "I am glad I'm here... with you two assholes," I joked. "I love you guys."

"We love you too, crazy girl," Seth said as he ruffled my hair.

The door to the bar suddenly popped open and a bear of a man stepped out, lit cigarette in hand. "Hey, Liz," he greeted nonchalantly.

"Hey, Tilley!" I pranced over and gave him a hug. My mood had done a full one-eighty.

"You guys want some food?" he offered.

"Do you know what time it is?"

"Yeah honey, that's why they call it 'rockstar treatment'." He rolled his eyes jokingly and went inside, but held the door open for us. I motioned to the guys and they followed me into the tavern, looking around warily.

I went right over to the bar and hopped up into a seat. "Wouldn't you like to get awaaaay?" I sang loudly to the almost empty bar. "Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your naaaame!"

"And they're always glad you caaaaame!" Tilley sang back from the kitchen. He popped his head out and said, "I'll make your breakfast, Legs, but you have to get your own drinks."

I hopped across the bar and grabbed a bottle of Jameson. I hadn't drunk alcohol or done any substances aside from weed in months... But I deserved a drink. Or five. The guys slammed shots with me and I turned on some music to play over the loud speakers.

Tilley was coming out of the kitchen with trays of loaded plates when I froze the room. I left the music going and climbed onto the bar, twirling and dancing and singing the words.

I looked at the still image of Mark and Seth and smiled... This was the happiest I could be. Me, my boys, my favorite whiskey, and my favorite album ending. Whatever else came, I'd handle it. As soon as I was done losing myself.

"You arrive in my dream... Beside me every night, just you and me. We explode through the scene... We try to drain the night empty. No one else has a hold over me like you do. You open up the covers, you lure me in... Tackle me anxious back into bed... Where I hope to discover all of your ways... This place is death. I know you feel the same."


End file.
